THE COMICAL SIDE OF THE ST. LOWS EXPOSITION.

Otago Witness, Issue 2647, 7 December 1904, Page 73

THE COMICAL SIDE OF THE ST. LOWS EXPOSITION.

By Maoiuiasd.i. (For the Witness.) "Save your soles ! Save your soles ! — and take a chair ! "Buy a pair of smoked glasses to help you see the fair. Don't wrinkle up your forehead and strain your eyes — how do you know but what your face will be a fortune ~to you some day?" The appeal to save their soles affects many people, they capitulate promptl}-, and { for the rest of the long day are to be seen j sitting in the curious basket perambulators, being pushed hither and thither as they direct by a 'Straining, weak-kneed boy. .Sometimes those wishing to exchange comjosnts hire a double perambulator, then fat teen, with_tlieir yet fatter wives by their sides, submit to be pushed along by boys, who view their colossal charges with increasing disfavour as the hours drift by. "Buy these glasses right now, and get your ' moneys worth all day long," shout the vendors, and, gradually growing bolder, they swoop down and deposit their wares on the bridges of the noses of the half unwilling pedestrians, then extend cajoling hands for the price. These are but the advance guard of the World's Fair Fraternity, and these are the first sounds that gieet the ears of the World's Fair visitors when they have run the gauntlet of the bootblacks, the niggers armed with dustwhisks, and the sellers of box luncheons and Frankfurt sausages on the hot stort space between the platform of the cars and the entrance gates of the Exposition. All up the wide Plaza of fet. Louis, at the entrance- to every "palace," fresh vultures descend upon the unwary, and the most strident-voiced are those who proclaim their goods as "official." Day by day_ the word gains in importance. "Official" guide books were proclaimed during the first week. "Official" souvenirs were recognised before the first month was out. Jiow even "official" pea-nuts are shouted' above all other pea-nuts. -From 8 o'clock in the morning the crowds begin to -pour in, and continue growing in number until late in the evening. Thousands of sightseers are at the entrance gates before they are opened. The maority of these have come from afar ; they are those who are passionately eager to get tlseir moneys worth— to see all there is to be seen, whatever may be the consequences. Hundreds carry their luncheons, and large and gaudy are the packages. Ralston crisp crackers have gained gratuitous advertisement — their plaid covering makes gorgeous splodges of colour against the light frocks of the women and children. Few women wear hats and few men coats among these morning throngs. Some carry an extra pair of boots slung about their necks, ana sit down with perfect sang froid wherever the desirability of a change may occur to them ; they reck not whether it be on the steps- of the' ivory white Palace of Education or at the base of a giant statue, "Liberty Triumphant" or "An Indian Chief Defying Advancing Civilisation." Undaunted by the colossal goddess, unmoved by the Indian's attitude, they change these boots, knot the laces of the others, and sling them on, take a drink, and proceed on their way refreshed and unabashed.-

! The eminently practical nature of the American people is displayed by the- fact that .there is a checking bureau for babies, together with various other impedimenta. You leave children on one side of the gate and suit cases on the other. The charge for. the first is a couple of shillings, the charge for the other is sd. You receive a ticket ior\ each, the corresponding number to which is fastened to the luggage and hung round the infant's neck. Mothers ler.ve them with free minds, fathers with many a ' doubtful glance at the trained nurses in attendance, and can be detected at all times feeling for the piece of cardboard that enables them to redeem the little ones in the evening. - Every now and then a "free day" is declared "for the children, and tho ground ser-ms alivi> with them; wherever the fun is fastest and the noise loudest, there they flock. On "newsboys' d^y" a simple device was adopted in order to insure the admission of the right boys only ; all were branded on the oheek with a rubber stamp. Ifc was curious to see them dashing down Lh. 1 "Pike,"' and elevating grimy, brown cheeks towards the eyes of the men in charge of the variotis shows, who, invaliably, after a quick glance "at the purple brand, passed them free. The completeness of the elements that go to the making of a city to be found within the walls of the Fair "is noteworthy. Ihere is a barber's shop, and even a "drug store," where prescriptions are compounded while you wait ; also a hospital and a prison, where those caught in the act of wrong-doing are incarcerated — and it has been in use- on various occasions. • In the Model street various methods of teaching are demonstrated. Elsewhere lectures aro delivered on every topic under the &un, from the proper cooking of onions and the canning of tomatoes to great subjects worthy to engross the attention of the wise men who have journeyed from ail parts of the world to be present in Sf. Louis during the various congresses. You can clothe yourself on the Exposition* grounds, if you wish, in the garb of many countries. You can watch the boots made for your feet, the gloves for your Lands, the weaving of the silk to cover your body. Or you can study the methods of travelling in every form, from balloons,^ Pullman cars, electric launches, and automobiles, to coaches and hearses, such is the varied nature of the exhibits in, the "Palace of Transportation." But how the people swarm ! Every place seems full of them. In the Palace of Education pale sehoolma'rms may be> s?en studying the methods in vogue in different lands. Long-haired musicians listen to the music of "the greatest organ in the world." Countrymen from the peanut farms of Arkansas and the vase prairies of the western States fill the Agricvltural Building. Mountaineers from Tennessee and Kentucky haunt the Distillery in active operation. Lean colonials flock to the Machinery Palace and The Forest and Game Department, and women of all nations gather ai the Palais de Costumes and . throng around ths babies in, their incubators. They eye with equal awe the London policeman on guard at the British Pavilion, the iron 56ft high 60-ton weiglit statue of Vulcan, and the petrified salt figure of "Lot's Wife," who gazes with unseeing; eyes down the flag-decked avenues of the Palace of Mines. But listen to the comments of the world and his wife ! "Where is Zealand, anyway?" asks one Yankee, viewing the New Zealand section with uncomprehending eyes, hostile^ because uncomfortably aware that his knowledge is deficient. "You want to see Australia, do you?" says a genial Jefferson guard in authority. | "Well, it's right there," and he points ! gaily to a booth whence floats the Austrian dag! Deutsehland !" says another, looking at the German building. "Ah!" — with fiiud-

den illumination — "t hat's French !" Such is the knowledge displayed by {he World's Fuir visitors !

"Take your boy to touch the 'Liberty Bell' of Philadelphia,'' says one man fco another. With sudden eagerness the one addressed pushes forward, pressing a way for the child ; the little hard is laid on the bell. It atiakes a sudden impulse in the crowd, all surge forward to do the same, scores of palms are outstretched, then a contrary wind sways thoir minds. Each man turns to his neighbour: '"I guess it's all a fake anywhere— come out of here." "Fake !" '"Fake !" "Fake !" the word is echoed backwards and forwards ; each sreuker is aggressively defensive. Rtand b/ the "Liberty Bell"' for an hour, you will see the scene duplicated every 15 minutes — oh, thou hydra-headed monster !

On the thousands drift, ctriven by the xuic-asy consciousness that there is much to ste, and life is short. -"Don't let's spend too much time in this building," is the sentence continually heard. "Let's go somewhere else!" And on they push, passing with unseeing eyes the priceless treasures gathered from afar. '"Exquisite !" they murmur. "Exquisite— jso 'cute!" The words are- applied indiscriminately to 7000 horse-power engines, to sacred caskets from Bruges, and to fragile Bohemian glass. So on the, thousands toil, seeking they know not what, do-dging the traffic in the roidwxiys (for it is each man's business to gcard his own life), the motor cars with their shouting guides, the puffing liliputian trains filled with passengers, the sw inging intramural electric ear, - the ricks Laws, perambulators, and kicking Mexicf..i burros — all these must be avoided by the swarming thouscnds. On and on they toil, faster and' still faster, as the sense of the vastness of the Exposition grows upon them, until at length tired Nature conquers, and they drop exhausted anywhere imrl everywhere. . As the shadows grow long across the lagoon, and the gondolas ply laden with lafe comers, the Fair presents the appearance of a battle ground. Prone figures are scattered far and wide, sleeping women anl children lie full length on the seats nrsd terraces, whole families are stretched beneath the welcome shade of a gigantic engine or beneath the lathe and plaster statues, boys are curled between the paws of placid lions or plunging horses, forgetfui, exhausted, and, for the nonce, disillusioned.