POLITENESS.

Otago Witness, Issue 2572, 1 July 1903, Page 79

POLITENESS.

It i« the fashion at the present day tn s-pesk of politeness as if it were ;u extinct as the iodo — an obsolete nsa^e. that finds no place among the so-called hooligans of Society (with a biz "&") >r the htut and hu«tle of commercial life.

It depends, however, to some extent on the precise meaning that one attaches to the word politenes- A sufficiently accurate definition of politeness was once given as "Benevolence in small thing*. "' and cer t:iinly benevolence, which, in its str it .sense, means "wishing well to one's neighbours," is at the bottom of all politeness that, is rea'ly worthy of the name. For politeness, after al\ is only Society's interpretation of the high ideal of unselfishness, and even self-sacrifice, that is inculcated by all the higher forms of 1 elision, and is the direct outcome of that spirit of courtesy and chivarly which animated the famous' knights of the Middle Ages. Its loundation stone is undoubtedly the reaction against the primitive creed that "Might is ri o 'ht," which may be mi mint- d up in the statement that "Weakness ha* a claim on Strength." All the little ordinary acts of everyday courtesy, such as taking off one's hat to a lady, and allowing her invariable precedence undor all ordinary circumstances, are really based upon this famous paradox of the age of chivalry — the strength of weakness. A humorist has remaiked that "the keynofe of tint politeness is B natural " »

Thus is all very well, if you begin by training your natuie to look at things from

the point of view of a very advanced and highly complex state of eh ilisation, which is itself to a great extent based upon this very idea of the strength of weakness ; but the untutored savage, if he acted upon this advice to l 'B natural," would probably strike his wife smartly over the head with a club or a tomahawk if she failed to serve the missionary cutlets in the style that he was known to prefer! Presumably, however, what the humorist really meant when he stated that politeness should be "natural ' was that it should be at once spontaneous and unostentatious.

It is well known that a kitchenmaid who adorns herself for some great occasion in the clothes of a duchess does not as a rule succeed in looking well dressed. She merely gives the impression of being what the French language neatly describes as "endimancbee" — that is to say, "Sundayfied," her finery having the effect of being specially put on for this occasion only.

Now. there are certain kinds of politeness which mi ages t, on the one hand, the endimanchee "general," and on the other the wholly artificial flowers of rhetoiic employed by the euphuists of the Elizabethan age. In both cases the thing is artificial, insincere, and dons solely for effect, and is, consequently, quite valueless. One' occasionally hears the remaMi that "So ar.d-So has the most beautiful manners," meaning, as a general rule, that they are elaborate and showy. But really good manners should no more call attention to their own excellence than clothes when properly worn should advertise the fact of their newness or costliness It is certainly true that at the present day there is a decided absence of all the "formal courtesy" that was in vogue at the beginning of the last century.

The idea of deference towards parents and towards elders generally has certainly quite gone out of fashion in this twentieth centuiy, which someone has described as "The Apotheosis Df the Infant." Nevertheless, in spite of this decay of formal courtesy, and the very free-and-easy style both of conversation and behaviour that has replaced it, there remains, at anyrate among the great middle classes, which are, after all, the real bulwark and mainstay of the nation, a large amount of that "benevolence in .small things" which it has been suggested is the keynote of all true politeness.

If anyone is really in trouble in an omnibus or a railway carriage, there lie always plenty of people to give not only sympathy, but also practical assistance. On the occasion of the deplorable Stella disaster a young woman was turning away with a look of bitter disappointment fiom me of the boats, that was already over-full. A young nian promptly jumped up with ',he remark, " "Aye my place, miss," and stepped out" of the boat with just as "natural" a simplicity as though it were merely matter of waiting for the next Brixtoif 'bus.

It is to be doubted whether a Frenchman, for all his boasted reputation for la politesse, would have done as much ; or, rather, for anyone who is familiar with the Continent, there is no room even for doubt. The Frenchman would have sat tight, and made himself as large as he could, to prevent the possibility of anyone else, of either sex, entering the boat. There is plenty of true politeness still going about, even in England, which has the reputation of being the woi st-mannered country in Europe. It may not be as richly upholstered ot as elegantly embroidered as the Continental variety ; but at anyrate it is genuine and M)lid, whereas the other kind, when you scratch it, generally turns out to be only a suteenth-of-an-inch veneer.