ledge of, flowers; and speaking to the workers in such an intelligent, kindly way that I caught myself wondering which was the real girl — the one who had talked so brightly on the beach at St .Clair and in the gardens at Moana, or the . hypochondriac invalid who wept at nothing, and saw ghastly faces in the knotted wood of the furniture. I liked the one so much that I did not desire a return of the other. "Should you like your luncheon outside?" " Very much ; but it would annoy Mr Gresham and mamma. They think that too much fresh air is not good for me, that my tastes are shockingly Bohemian and commonplace, not to say vulgar. I think there must be gipsy blood in my veins." She laughed as she spoke, and her whole face was
transfigured. It was the first time that I had seen Anna really laugh, and she looked like a different girl. The luncheon gong sounded, but we did not obey its summons. It rang a second time, and then one of the trim maids appeared. " Master's waiting," she said. And we rose and followed her. Later in the day we were going out again, when Mrs Graham stopped us. "So much fresh air is bad for Anna," she said. " It's too strong for her ; she. ought to go to her room and he down." " But the sunshine does her so much good; she enjoyed it immensely this morning." I looked at Anna to support me. She said nothing ; her cheeks were pale, her lips fell apart. The animation of the morning had entirely disappeared.
" You see she is quite exhausted. You should be more careful. I consider that you are a very selfish and inconsiderate person, not at all lit for a nurse." " Go and lie down, Anna," commanded Mr Gresham, who joined us at the same moment. To my amazement she obeyed. I followed her. There was no laughing and talking now ; her movements were dull and inert. Her very voice had changed. When we entered her room she explained herself. " They will send you away if I annoy them," she said. " Anything would be better than that." I threw up the window" and drew a couch near it. She
lay down, and I read to her. It was better for us not to dwell on the mysteries that surrounded us. I read for a long tinie, and then I ceased, for my companion was so still rethought she had fallen asleep. I let the book drop >6J&£;ihy knee, and, sitting with my hands clasped, looked through the open window to the beautiful sky where the swift fingers of the sunset had begun to paint soft tints of crimson, purple, and gold, and I began immediately to build a palace in the sunset sky and to people it with visionary personages. A faint sob broke the stillness, and looking at Anna I saw the tears chasing each other down her pale cheeks. In a moment I was kneeling beside her with my arm round her. "What is it, dear?" " Rhoda, I don't know, I can't understand myself. Is it just that I am tired, so tired; and therefore death allures
and tempts me. I see his figure as that of a real person drawing me nearer and nearer to his cold embrace. Oh, how sweet to rest forever ' where the wicked cease from troubling, and the weary are at rest.' " J " But, suppose it is not rest? Suppose there is another life after this — many lives — in which we must finish that which we have left incomplete here; in which we must reap the harvest of the seed sown here — a life which is not sleep but work ; a life of service, expiation ; in some cases, retribution and remorse." " No, no, no," she cried, quickly ; " this life is bad enough. I could not face another, and death, ' delicate, dainty death,' he gives release and peace. Why should I
fear him ? Oh ! " and she stretched out her hands appealingly, " dear Rhoda, you can't think how tired I am." " You did not talk like that in the garden this morning." '" Did I not? Ah, well, I was a different girl, then. I think sometimes that lam two people. Is that possible, do you think? " " Emerson says that we are all of us, not two, but three, people — ' the man as God sees him, the man as his neighbour sees him, and the man as he sees himself." " Yes, but do you not see that those are three views of the same person. Whereas lam two people, two quite different people, with different ideas, thoughts, and opinions; different principles and motives of action. And the strangest part is that I can with difficulty, then in the one state, recollect the thoughts, feelings, and wishes of the other. Tell me what I said and did this morning, and what sort of a girl I seemed to you then."
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Bibliographic details
Otago Witness, Issue 2545, 24 December 1902, Page 37 (Supplement)
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832Untitled Otago Witness, Issue 2545, 24 December 1902, Page 37 (Supplement)
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