All About the Umbrella.

Otago Witness, Issue 2527, 20 August 1902, Page 73

All About the Umbrella.

The "Nice Boy" discourses upon the umbrella, treating it both practically and allegorieally: —

"The ordinary domestic umbrella, which our American cousins Lave picturesquely nicknamed a 'shower-stick,' is pronounced by • experts to have been the invention of St. Swithin, who, for some unknown reason, has had the -weather" specially assigned to his • care. At any rate, his original 'gamp' is preserved at Winchester, and is taken from its resting place eveTjr year, with much pomp and ceremony, by the members ol the " college on St. Swithin's Day. "The average individual, however, dees • not concern himself with its historical aspect, but looks upon an 'ombrifuge.' as Browning calls it somewhere, aa a tiling ! to be begged, borrowed, or stolen (especially ! stolen !) whenever the English climate is making an unusual effort to live up to its world-wide reputation. "The rolling up of an umbrella is a subtle and mysterious art which requires the education of * lifetime to acquire, and even then the results are not always wholly satisfactory. For instance, the writer, who graduated in the art some years ago, was recently giving a practical demonstration to come ladies in a Rome hotel, using his own umbrella as the corpus vile on which to experiment. The result was something to astonishingly slim and slender that om rf the ladies suggested that it looked as if it had been sent straight from heaven by parcel post! But, alas! that umbrella was deposited in the hat-stand outside the salle a. manger while we went in to lunch, and when we came out it was 'up and away like the dew of the morning.' | "It seems that the same Sherlock Holmeslike instinct which is prepared to reconstruct a man's whole mode of life from a study of his cigarette ends has now been brought to bear upon the umbrella, and the e\nert umbrelli&t is prepared to give a complete ■ iharacter sketch of any individual, with the principal events in his pa6t and future history, after a critical survey of his behaviour with an umbrella. ' For instance, if & man is observed carrying an umbrella over a lady's head in such a way as to preserve her Bond street hat from the rain, while a little stream trickles softly down the back of his own neck, :t is pretty safe to prophesy that she is his - Best Girl. If, on the other hand, it is hid own gasometer which is kept dry, while the trickle is reserved for the lady, it is a safe thousand to three on that she is bis wife. "When a man carries an umbrella hori■xontally under his «xm, it ia generally a sign that someone is shortly going to have his, or her, eye put out. When a. brandnew umbrella, is deposited with a lot of others in the umbrella-stand of a club, it , is frequently a feign that it is about to change owners. "There are many other ways in which the umbrella may be taken as an indication either of coming events or of character, but the- Best Girl, who has been running her eye over the above, says emphatically that it is perfectly absurd to judge any average man from his umbrella. When pressed for a. reason she explains sarcastically, 'Because it so seldom belongs to him!' And there i is something in that." I