EDITOR'S WALLET.

Otago Witness, Issue 2525, 6 August 1902, Page 72

EDITOR'S WALLET.

What a Frenchman Fxpects to See on Coronal ion Day.

(Daily Mail.)

"The King Crowning? The crowning of King Edouard?" said the Vicomte. "Ah, yes, it will be very celebrate. Igo there I." And he looked round the cafe with that air of triumph which, a Frenchman invariably assumes when he is going to take a railway journey. The Vicomte is, according to French ideas, a great traveller. He has been to Dieppe, to Trouville, to Asnieres, and even once- to Frankfurt-on-the-Main, and he Las studied English custom* from the Paris papers and devoted much time to the English language at the Auteuil and Longchamps racecourses.* I am very foncf of the Vicomte, and like him to talk English to me. It gives me such a grasp^l ftnd, of French idiomatic phrases ; for all the Vicomte says in English he translates.literally from his- own tongue.

• "Ah, yes, the King Crowning," he said again- "it will be magnifique. See- you then. he went on, meditatively. "I go me of it hero from Paris in the evening and I arrive in London in the morning. There I cease at once to be French and am, an English. Ah, but I kmow ! I know your English customs. I ring the bell 'twice for ze chambermaid,' and I command a bath — a bath hot. Every English he take a bath hot in the morning. Then I go down the stairs and I have my breakfast. English, too, the breakfast. Roast beef, potatoes, and portaro beer. I do not like her much, the port are beer ; but she is English and I do it. Then I go into the streets, and I shall see the King Crowning. I have- already bought me a place to see, and I have paid £3 for her. It shall be very celebrate.

"Ah ! but there shall be hundreds, thousands, millions, in tho streets, and in every corner there will be a sergeant of the town — a, policeman you say — who stops the carriages with hie white truncheon. All do I see it, ac I speak to you, with my inside eye. The carriages, they come from right and left and everywhere, and the policeman, he wave his truncheon and he stop them in a hoap. Ah, but yes, there shall be many accidents, my faith. Then I go down to Windsor Palace in the Piccadilly street, and I leave mj card as nobleman Francais for M. — pardon, fcr King Edouard. 'His Ro3'alfy at home?' I say. 'You give him zi6' ; and I turn down the corner of my card so that King Edouard shall know I have myself been thfre."

I suggest, a little feebly, for it is difficult to stop the Vicomte when his imagination is running wild in this way, that there will bo no carriage traffic on Coronation Day iv the main streets, and that policemen do n.ot waggle white truncheons in London and create blocks of tho traffic as they do in Paris. I also suggest mildly that tho King may possibly have other things to do on Coronation morning than to receive visiting cards, even from "a nobleman Francaise" ; but the Vicomt© waves off my objection loftily

I< l know, I know it all about," he sayg. "I go on — I go to my seat, where I shall see the King Crowning. It is in Kensington, my seat, quite near the Tower de Londrea, and only five minutes from the Windsor Palace in the Piccadilly, and I shall see everything most splendid ; the agent tell me fo." It would, of course, be cruelty to undeceive the Vicomte ; but I'm afraid somebody has got £3 from him for that seat under false pretences.

"Ah," he exclaimed enthusiastically, "but tho proi-e^sion of the King Crowning, she w ill indeed bo glorious ! First there will como a splendid troop of your gold-mine millionaires, followed by Boers of tha numbor of 500 in chains. No, but you are cruel, you English ! Then 3-ou will have De Wet upon Iris white horee with a flag of truce ; and then, arm in arm, Lor' Kirchenarc, Milor Chamberlain, and Mr Sahsbury. 'Vive Chamberlain ! Vive Kitc^icnare ! A bas la France !' the crowd will cry Ah, but you are brutal eometimes, jou iv England! Then come a battalion of tho C.I.V. from Mafcking on bicycles. Then four plain-clothes detective*, and m a carriage by himself Mr tho English prefect of police, then more detectives, ap.d tho King I-klouard VII in his gold coach. He looki3 splendid, Edouard ! In my mind's eye I see hlxa dressed in his evening dress with

a diamond Garter tied round his leg, and the red Legion d'Honneur across his white shirt-front. He waves his hat right and left of him, and all ze people cheer, 'Vive Edouard VTI !' Some one or two fopl people in ze crowd they Bhout 'Vive la Republique!' but they are arrest immediately; for in the crowd that day ther*. shall, of course, be thousands of police disguised as clubmen, as peasant?, as members of the Chamber, and as everything, to see that King Edouard he is safe. After the gold coach with the King in him com© a smaller coach, a glass one, with the Queen. She, too, is in evening dress, and she, too, bows ; but her the people do not cheer so much, for she is not an English. Ah, you are not gallants, you people of the fog ! Then come ze Lifeguards with their Maxim guns, and then the army follow* them. - Ah, ma foi ! name of a pipe ! but it will be celebrate, the King Crowning.

"When they oome to the Tower of London the procession stop, and the Lor' Mayor he make a speech to Edouard. 'Mr the King, 1 he say, 'in the name of 20 people English . . .' But I do not need to say you the speech official. They are all alike, speches official, is it not so ? . And King Edouard at the end of th© discourse of tho Lor' Mayor, he kiss him on both cheeks and give him the Victoria Cros». Then come the other decorations. Victoria Cross for the prefect of police, and for Sir Chamberlain, and for many others the palmes academiques. Then Mr the Archbishop of England . he welcome King Bdouard into the Cathedral of St. Paul, and he is crowned. That we do not see, for, of course, the cathedral is filled up with the noblesse Anglaise, tho Ministers, and the detectives. Thon Edouard and Madame the Queen, they go baok to the Windsor Palace in tho Piccadilly, and they have the banquet and drink to the health of each and every in the portare beer, and in the streets the people they shall dance, play games of cricket and of football and the ping-pong — all games English, in a word — and amuse themselves till morning. Ah, but it shall be very, very celebrate, the King Crowning. I make myself a pleasure of it now before."

It seemed a pity to disabuse the Vicomte, and I did not do so; but I'm afraid the little man will be a trifle disappointed when he fails to see King Edward kiss the Lord Mayor on both cheeks and give him the Victoria Crosa, and so will many other A'isitors from France. On the French side of the Channel a ceremony of this kind would be indispensable, and so would many of the other things which my friend the Vicomte quite expects to see. I have been unable to mention many of hie moet picturesque ideas, such, for instance, as his implicit belief that tho members of Parliament will march in their robes and long white wigs, and each bearing his official mace, to the sound of the Parliamentary Whins.