Humours of the Examination Room.

Otago Witness, Issue 2516, 4 June 1902, Page 71

Humours of the Examination Room.

There is a mine of delightful, if unconscious, humour hidden away in examination papers.

What more delightful confusion of chronology could one imagine than tins nutshell biography of Sir Philip Sidney by an .ambitions student : "Sir Philip Sidney is noted for giving the last drop of water in his jug to a dying soldier on the field of Waterloo. The Buke of Wellington mentioned him in -his despatches." Or what more amusing answer than this, given by a young anatomist to the question, "What are the most important muscles in the -arm?" "The humerus, so-called because of its proximity to the funny-bone, and the bicycle muscle, so useful in steering."

"The base of a triangle," according to one examination candidate, "is the side ■which we don't -«lk about." "A demagogue" has been described -as "a vessel containing .beer and other liquids" ; "shoddy" as "a kind of drink much used in Ireland" ; "lungs" aa "organs of execration"; while one hopeful is of opinion that "tho soul has two sides, a dark and a white, and it hides its white side."

Judged by a similar standard, '"Ahab was no schola. and he used fearful laiiguage," while '"Jezebel was a very Strict evil-doer." "To find the number -of square feet in a room," wrote -one youthful figure-prodigy, "you multiply the room by the- number of feet" ; and a budding historian deaciibes Henry "Vni as "famous for being a great Tuddower, having lost several wives." There -was quite a refreshing candour in the answer given J>y a young medical student to an examiner, who asked -him what he would do in the case of an accident involving 'a complicated fracture. The student pondered seriously for 'a iow moments, and then, said, "I think I should send for •the nearest -doctor, sir."

"Describe the marriage customs of the ■ancient -Greeks" was one of fhe questions in a recent history paper — a question which presented no difficulty to one at loa&t 01 the competitors, who answered : "The marriage customs of the ancient Greeks were that a man married ouly one wife, which is called monotony" ; and in the same examination, in answer to a question on the Salic law, one aspirant came to Hiis remarkable •conclusion: "Edward 111 would have been king if his mother had been a man," a condition of inheritance which might well keep smy man from a crown.

"Why do the mjrhts vary in length?" was the question put to the children in a certain fcchool, and among many ingenious answers was this: "The knights are very brcA men. and they vary in length because it does not take many of them to .win a war." It w.2s another hopeful in the same scliool who dncided .that the "masculine of doe" wa& "paste" ; the feminine of bachelor a single man ; and the comparison of il! — ill, sick, and dead.

"What is -a limited monarchy?" was among the questions recently set in an examination for entrance to the army, and this was the startling answer of one candidate : "A limited monarchy is government by n king, -who, in case of bankruptcy, would not be responsible for the entire National Debt. You have the same thing in private life in limited liability companies."

"The Diet of Worms," answered one youthful scholar, with a promising sense of humour, "is 'the grub that blackbirds and thrushes feed on** : but it -was another Doy who defined gras3 as '"what you have to k-eep off."

The question. '"What is a herald?" waf answered =thus in a. recent school examination : "Herald was the King v,-ho r-utt off the lica-d of Herodas3es daughter. His sirname wa& Agrippa." "The first man," wrote a promising young American, "was Washington. But if you count foreigners Adam comes first."

According to one ingenious boy, "clramies is what they blow itp things with," and "a vacuum is nothing shut up in a box." One boy historian is convinced tbat "Sir Thomas More was killed at the Battlo of Cornnna. They cut off his hrad and pu- 1 it on Tomple Bar at dead of nig-ht