PATER'S CHATS WITH THE BOYS.

Otago Witness, Issue 2516, 4 June 1902, Page 69

PATER'S CHATS WITH THE BOYS.

'• MEMORIES GRAVE AND CJAY '

This is the title of a book of lemiiiiscences by a letired inspector of school 1 -, in Scotland. Dr Ken- had neaily 40 yeais' experience of teachers and scholais. and has collected quite a fund of anecdotes, and to-day I cull a few of them for you from the book he has just published. If any of you want a book to lead in the winter evenings I can hardly recommend another book to equal it in its line. It will be all the nioie enjoyable when read by a ".Scottie."

In a column or so, it is impossible to give the longer yarns or answeis, so mv selection hardly does the book justice. I wind up with two more serious extracts to show that the book isn't all of a lijjht character. It will be noticed, too, that I make iio attempt at classifying the bits I quote. Dame schools were common at one time in country districts, and in their own simple way did useful work ; but they have almost ceased to exist. It is told "of one of them that when a little girl, in reading a portion of the Old Testament which biistled with proper names of great difficulty, came to a dead stop, the old mistress, probably herself puzzled, .said to her : " Jeannie, just read ye straught on. Dinna mind hoo ve misca' them, they're v' deid."

In every school, no matter how well taught, there is bound to be a crop of blunders. Sometimes they can be traced to their origin, but often it is impossible to account for the answers. On one occasion the meaning was asked of the paraphiaie:

Give us each day our daily bicadj

And raiment fit to wear.

■S.iys Mr Kerr : I asked the meaning of laiment, aii'l g«t the answer "clothes." Ihen does "fit" raiment mean? "Hose and shoon/'.wajpthe answer. It takes a Scotchman to see that fit equals foot. As a paraphrase pi "All was false and hollow." .was

given the reply, " All was untrue and excavated." The lines iS'ow, yield thee, or by Him who made The world, thy heait's* blood dyes my blade' were paraphrased, " If ye dinna gi'e in, by gosh, I'll kill ye ! " One essayist wrote: — "Oliver Cromwell's eyes were of a dark grey ; his nose was very large and of a deep • red colour, but underneath it was. a truly religious soul."' And another : — "Suppose that there was a salmon that weighed 101b, and that it was sold at 2d a pound, what would the salmon be worth?" "It wudna be worth a curse." When drawing out the meaning of the word pilgrim once, Dr Kerr said : "Am I a pilgrim?" "'Oh, no, sir; a pilgrim is a good man," was the reply with unconscious innuendo. The following is rather a good answer, and .shows the effect of careless enunciation -—sounds being run together without thinking of their meaning. Examining a class in history, the inspector was trying to get the other name of Graham, of Claverhouse, and to help the pupils he quoted the refrain of "The Bonnets of Bonnie Dundee." i You know how it mns: I Come, fill up my cup, come, fill up my can, j and ends with : Up with the bonnets of honnie Dundee, and then told them that Graham's other name was in the refrain. One boy, delighted with the hint given, bawled out: " Philip M'Cann " ! ! Here and there an Irish yarn comes in. Perhaps this is one of the' best: — An Irish car-driver was nothing but a ragged disreputable bundle of rags, and in consequence a gentleman refused to have anything to do with him. Engaging another Jarvie, the gentleman said, "Why do you let such a fellow ply for hire?" and the following colloquy took place : Ah, siir, you must excuse him, sur ; he can't help it.' ''Why can't he help it? Why does his wife not mend his clothes for him?' " ' Ah, your honor, he has no wife.' Then why doesn't he get another coat? ' "' He can"t sur. I assure you he can't.' '" ' Why can't he? ' Well, sur, it has been tried once or twice, but it can't be done. He is so very ticklesome that divil a tailor in Dublin daar lay a tape on him.' " Here is a bunch of miscellaneous ones : — Salt is a stuff which, if it is not boiled with potatoes, makes them nasty. A paradox is some ridiculous writing like another writing. Apocryphal is that which is hidden from man s apprehension. Sepulchre, derived from se, negative, and pulcher, fair ; the place where beauty fades. Catechism, from two Greek words meaning a gap ; a set of questions arranged to keep people from stumbling into the bottomless pit ; in short, a catechism. Pievaricate is from piae, and varicosus full of veins. A papal bull is an image blessed by the Pope, and worshipped by Roman Catholics. The equator is a line passing through the centre of the earth, where the sun is hottest. A Cabal was variously given as a kind j of cabinet or a rope generally belonging to , a .ship for mooring it. 'I lie Romance languages are, according to one, the languages in which novelists write ; and, according to another, the languages spoken in the time of Romulus. The Christian Fathers were wious heads of families. A coign of vantage was a lucky penny. The Pole Star is, a star fixed on to the heavens at the North Pole, on which the Xorth Pole earth seems to spin around. I A graminivorous animal was" rightly given as grass-eating, and a carnivorous one as fleoh-eating ; but a youngster, when asked what an animal was which was both, said, " A gutsy brute." We all know the evils of drink. Dr Kerr could take his glass of toddy with anyone, so is not naturally a prohibitionist. Read this, however: — "But this tendency to excess is not confined to the lowest stratum of society. A more dangerous form of drunkenness than being conspicuously drunk once a fortnight exists in a class who have never been drunk. I refer to young men who habitually recourse to "nips" in the forenoon and throughout the day, and are unconsciously nearing the line which, once crossed, is seldom recrossed. Their resilient power is gone, -and they are com ting the approach of the alco- , hoik demon, whose grip once fastened is ■ t-carcely ever relaxed. I have known men of chivalrous nature and great ability, iv whom consciousness, sense of duty, selfrespecfc were conspicuous features, — men who have the strongest motives for the maintenance of social position, — lose their criipness of brain, their will power, their nuthfulness, their self-respect, their regard for the happiness of those near and dear to them, thjoiulx tlie insidious soison of h»hi-

tual ' nipping.' And vet for years, while the habit was steadily" growing, these men were never seen drunk. It is far this reason' tim 1 regard ' nipping ' aS the most dangerous form of alcoholic abuse " sid?° With ° Ut drink and rem^n on the safe EDUCATION FOR THE MASSES „Ji ie f °! w Wing extract is fuU of sou nd "■use:— tears are sometimes expressed that ,ue working classes are getting too highly educated. Educated? No- bub foolishly crammed with (for them) indigestible ood, through the injudicious action of parents or teachers, with the result that a feeb,e, half-starved, professional man is the miserable product of what mi«hfc with appropriate training, have been a self-re-specting and competent artisan. The evil where it exists, has in itself the elements of cu re . *ever at any rate must it be said -that opportunity of the highest education should not be afforded to such sons o f working men as year after year earn distinction m every intellectual arena at Home ana abroad.

Drink and ignorance are two of the drawSi» S f „° Ur D ? tlOn ' and are unconscious allies of the nations who are trying to take our commercial supremacy from us