EDITOR'S WALLET.

Otago Witness, Issue 2507, 9 April 1902, Page 71

EDITOR'S WALLET.

Baby's Mother's Mistake.

She was pushing her baby slowly ahead of her in a nice wicker carriage, while she looked in at the chop windows. Like enough when she started out she had no intention of doing any shopping, but the time came when a window proved too tempting. There were just the things she wanted, and the prices were within reach.

She wheeled baby up to the door and started to tako him out. Then it occurred to her that he would be sadly in the way at the crowded counters. Moreover, suppose somebody should steal the empty carriage ! There would be a double disaster in that, for not only was the valve of the carriage something to be considered, but it would be a remarkably handy thing after her shopping to take the purchases home in. They could be tucked in beside baby without incommoding him at all. No, it would not do to risk the theft of the carriage; but who would dream of taking a carriage with a baby in it? That was the idea ! And consequently baby was laid back on his cushions. She meant to be gone but a moment, and she presumed that she could hear him in the' shop if he should happen to get impatient. So it was, after reasoning of this sort, that she pushed the carriage to a f)laee between the two doors of the estabishment and went in.

No sooner was she out of sight than baby began to attract a deal of attention. He didn't do it by crying. Oh, no ! He was perfectly contented, and it was his own natural sweetness that caused every woman who entered the shop to pause and exclaim over him. In at leaat two cases out of three the exclamations were not limited to gushing remarks about the serene occupant of the carriage. There was a great deal to say about the foolish mother who had left her little one alone. Many a matron expressed unmeasured indignation, but no one did anything about it until some minutes had passed. Really it was inevitable that the whole-souled reformer, the person who cannot see an abuse without stopping to remove it, Eflould pass that way. Such persons, men and women, are very numerous, you know. This one was struck at first, like the others, with the interesting- spectacle in the carriage, and bhe stopped to say a cuddling word or two. But by that time baby had tired of this miscellaneous admiration from a host of persons to whom be had not been introduced. He proclaimed that fact in a long-drawn wail, whereupon the reformer became wroth.

" Where' 3 his mother, the horrid thing?" she demanded, and another wail was the only answer. Somebody passing supposed that she was in the shop. "Well, then," said the reformer, with that quickness of decision that characterises the tribe, " I shall hunt for her and give her a piece of my mind for her unconscionable neglect."

She stooped and lifted baby from the carriage, soothing him in the conventional way, and started into th© shop. The mother had turned to the left when she went in to take advantage of the offerings announced iv the windows. Need.it be said that fate directed the steps of the reformer to the right? Of course not ! So, to the right the reformer, baby laden, wandered through the big establishment, inquiring every now and then, " Ie this your baby?" until employees and customers suspected her sanity. -♦

Meantime the mother, having made one purchase, and having run back to the door to see if all was well, and having taken her peep before the reformer appeared, had chased to another counter for more bargains. These obtained, ahe hastened to the carriage, which, though empty, had not been stolon. It was only then that the trouble really began. Imagine it ! Imagine her frantic inquiries of those who stood about ! Somebody had seen a woman take the baby into the shop. Back posted the mother, and it was, "Have you seeji my baby?" of assistants and customero until pretty nearly everybody was in commotion. But fate, with a purpose, perhaps, of teaching somebody a lesson, whether mother or reformer I do not pretend to say, kept those two women travelling about without meeting for 20 minute.? or more. Then it was closing time, and they did not get together until the final round-US^ rrieji the j&ojatglkej idviaad jAe

mother to go to the door and wait. She found the reformer there ahead of her, another shopwalker having given her similar advice. It was a tearful and on the whole a farcical conversation that followed. " You are a horrid thing to take my baby ! Mamma's little precious !'' (Hysterical sobs ) " I meant it for your own good, you unfeeling creature, and the baby's, too, poor, neglected dear !" (Other sobs.) " You had no I right to! There, there, sweetsie !" (More sobs.) " You haven't any right to be a > mother !" and so on until the interested j crowd became so great that the shopwalker I suggested that if the women didn't adjourn J it would be necessary to call a policeman. ' Then they separated, and the unexpected purchases went home in tbe carriage with baby according to programme. The Hnmoiirs of Impromptu Verse. If it is not literally true that " more good things have been lost to literature than have ever been printed," it is certainly a fact that many clever epigrams which have been i dashed off in a moment of happy inspiration, | only to be destroyed and forgotten, are bet- • ter worth preserving than many that have j found their way into type. j Some years ago, when Mr Justice Day, i after a long day's work in court, announced ' his intention of continuing the sitting late j into the night until the. list was finished, I the wearied counsel looked at each other in i consternation. It was already very late, I and the prospect of remaining in court until midnight or later filled them with dismay.. One of the counsel, struck by a happy inspiration, took a piece of paper, and writing the following lines sent them up to the ] judge: — Try men by night! My Lord, forbear! Think what the wicked world will s*y ; Methinks I hear the rogues decla'.e That Justice is not done by Day. The judge read tho lines, smiled, and forthwith adjourned the sitting, to the delight of the impromptu poot and his friends. On another occasion, in the month of December, when Mr Justice Day and Sir Francis Jeune were sitting 'ate in adjacent courts, Mr Oswald, Q.C., circulated these amusing lines, which no one enjoyed more than the learned judges themselves: — As in these courts where would you see Such contradictions, pTay, "Where ir> December you find Jeune, And night is ruled by Day? Shortly after the elevation of Mr Henn Collins to the Bench another judicial vacancy occurred, and it was commonly rumoured that the late Mr Cock, Q.C., would fill it. Upon hearing this a well-known Queen's Counsel delivered himself of this amusing impromptu: — From "fair" to "foul" must Justice ckaage Her appellation, when ! Upon her highest Judgment seats There s:t a Cock and Henn. The late Dr Stubbs was responsible for many clever impromptu epigrams, of which the following is a good example. It was written at a time when Mr Froude, the historian, in one of his Scottish Rectorial addreses, and Charles Kingsley, from his professorial chair at Cambridge, had given utterance at the same time to certain characteristic criticisms: — Froude informs the Scottish youth That parsons have no care for truth, While Canon Kingsley loudly cr.es That history is a pack of lies. What cause foi judgment so malign ? A brief reflection solves the mystery — For Froude thinks Kmgsley a Divine And Kingsley goes to Froude for history. Amid all their grave deliberations members of the House of Commons occasionally find opportunity and inspiration for humorous verses. When some years ago Mr Pickering Phipps, brewer and M.P. for South Northamptonshire, had the mi«fortune to break his leg when kneeling for family prayers, Mr Warton celebrated the deplorable event in these lines: — With upturned eyes and quiveruig l.ps, Wrestled with Satan Pickering Phipps ; But when he ceased for grace to beg The Devil came and broke his leg. On reading these lines the late Mr Hugh Childers was inspired to "go one better," 1 thus: — In Pickering Phipps's case discern A lesson it were welt to learn , 'Tis not enough our prayers to <=ay, j But we nm=t watch as well as pray. Rebellion. They wur ey dour, that kin' o' Gallawa folk, onywey. Deed! they'r that yet. A kent a lass they cat Nelly Bairden, an whun she wus aboot 13 year aul' an at the skule, she- wus sittin next a lass they cat Nanny Stewart. Nanny wus gettin up tae do some deevilment, whan her frock tail catch't on a nail in the bink, an she fell, an made a groat noise, forbye rivin her frock. The maister had been at the kirk the day afore't, for it was on a Monday, an sac he wus in an awfu temper, an he cry't 'oot — " Who made that din? ' Three or fou r er o' them cry't oot, " Naebuddy, sir." " I wish I had a hand of that Nobody, I would make him jump. Come! who did it? " " It wus Nelly Beajden, Sir," saya Nanny Stewart, an she rave my frock tail, &ir, so she did." " Stand out, Helen Bairden," says themaister, "and hold out your hand." "If ye please, sir," bays she, " A didna dot." "She joost ra\e't, ?o she did." says Nanny. " If ye please, sir," bays Nelly, "A naither touch't it nor her." " You lying hussey !" says the maister, in a rage, "will you deny it to my face? Stand out at once ! I'll give you a double punishment for lying." '* Am tellin ye tho truth, sir," .=ay3 she, " A im, deed !" and she steppit oot. | "If ye please, sir," says anither lase, stannin up, " she didua dot; Nanny did it hersel." " Stand you out too." cries the Maister, "I'll teach you to tell falsehoods."^ "It wusna Nelly Bairden, sir; Nanny did it hereel," cam fae aboot a dizzen ithers; an he got into a perfet rage, an order't them a' tae stall oot for punishment. " Now Miss Bairden," says he, slrokin the cane, "hold out your hand." He aye said " Misa " lac the lasses whun ho was awfu angry. Nelly never loot on, but keopit her bans j doon. '" Hold out your hand, you rebellious vixen !" cays he, "or I'll make it worse for you." "If ye please, sir, All not hand oot my han, lot A dldn* dot," aayfe she. An wi t-k*t fee icdftd fd&& i&uL. jpx l&ah't hfit aoam. ■

the shoothers wi the cane wi a' his micht, cryin oot, " I'll see about that ! I'll see if you'll defy me," an sic-like. She wus a sma'ly shilpit craiter, an no verra strong, an had joost a thin cotton frock on, an he laid on. her a' he wus fit, an afore lang the bluid wus comin through the back o't. an her face an her airms wus a' black an blue wi pittin them up tae try an save hersel. He lickit her for naur half an hoor, till he wus pechin for want o' breath, an than ho stoppit an said, " Now, girl ! confess your falsehood and beg my pardon, and I'll let you off with that." " If ye please, sir," sabbit Nelly, for she wudna gie in tae gowl, "All no confess, an All no beg yer pardon, for A didna dot." The Maister's face wus red afore, but it turn'l like a bubbly-jock at this. " You obstinate brute !" he cry't, an he grabbit at the cane, "I'll half kill you if you don't." "A dinna care, sir," says she, "ye can joost kill mo, than." She was as white as a ghaist, an ready tae fent ; but she stood wi her teeth set, an lookit at him as if she didna care a preen whut he did, an everybuddy expectit her tao flee at him an strike back, but she never offer't.

The Maistcr flew inta a rage, an at he* again a' he wus fit, an the boys bogooil fas hiss him, an a wheen o r them wus. gertii?. oot their rulers tae attack him, whun hc-i-big brither Tarn brainge't in at the door, an gruppit the Dominie by the hass. an cry't, " Ye'r gaun ower far noo ; if ye touch my sister again, All thrapple ye." An he nearly ehokrit him. He had gane oot at the beginnin, no tae see his sister lickit, but yin o' the lasses had slippit oot an teli't him hoo she wus bein abuso't, an he gaed in an stoppit it. Ha led her oot o' theskule, an as sune as she got oot she fen tit, an had tae be eairry't Inta. yin. o' the hooses. till she cam-to. Tiiey took her hame, an it wus three weeks or she wus oot o' her bed ; an the marks is on her back yet.

j The weans a' teil'fc their mithers whun they gaed hame, an some yin o' them gaed . an teli't the Dominie yt he had dune wrang, • for Nelly had teli't the truth ; for het dochter had seen Nanny rivin the frock her- ! sel, an it wus joost spite yt had gar't hei ! blame Nelly Bearden wit. ' Sao he gaed ower that nicht an teli't hoi folk yt he had dune wrang, an gaed in an beggit her pardon, an did a' he could ts^, mak amen's fort; an ey after he had tae X verra sure whut he lickit a wean for ; an U»

Some of the •sa.wmillers in the Grey Valley are in trouble owing to their operations being retarded through the Acclimatisation Society taking steps to prevent the streams being polluted with sawdust. It is reported that some of the mill sites will have to be ehifted.

There were some lively scenes at a lecture delivered iv Wanganui the other evening by Mr Tom Mann. After Mr Mann had castigated trusts and capitalists for an hour or more, a burly Scotsman, (he is an ex-cham-pion caber tosses) inquired whether, the lecturer had ever earned a decent day's pay in his life? Mr Mann declined to answer, and ii general uproar took place. The questioner persevered with his query, and the chairman left the platform, with the intention of removing the inquisitive Scot. This made matters worse, and a free fight was only prevented by the lights being turned out. •The meeting ended by the disturbing elementwithdrawing, and the chairman asking for further donations to Mr Mann's expenses, as only £3 8s had been colleoted at the doors.

I A Westralian newspaper gently alludes to a well-known Jsew South "Wales politician as "this miserable convex-bellied swampoel." As the result of the recent floods in the Mackenzie County many of the foot and stock bridges are left in bad condition or swept away. In places large gaps have been made in the roads by torrents breaking out of their channels. In the larger riverbeds or flats whole islands have, in several cases, been either washed clean away or buried beneath huge masses of stone, and so ruined for grazing. The approach to the bridge of the Upper Opihi, in Burkes Pass, is gone, and that part of the Silverstream road from Grant's Corner has been, for a mile and a-half down, rendered very difficult for traffic by the floods making a river course of the road there. Several poles on the Mount Cook line of telegraph were washed out, and still hang, supported only by the wires Repairs are, however, being pushed rapidly forward now that the flood water has subsided.

"It is not always a wise thing for a magistrate to follow the findings of a jury." —Mr J. F. M. Fraser, at the Magistrate's Court yesterday.

It would seem that the pay of troopers at the front has, as well as the salaries of public school teachers, been kept back by the Government to swell the surplus in the public account on the 31st March, when the colony's financial year ended. A number of young men from Nelson, who went to Africa to fill vacancies in the Seventh, and others as members of the Eighth Contingent, having left orders for their mothers or other relations to draw monthly a portion of their P a y> genei'ally 3s 6d per day, during their absence, and such payments not having been received, a number of parents asked Mr J. Graham, M.H.R., to make inquiries. Mr Graham ascertained that payment to the 31st March, including arrears, would be forwarded early in April, and future payments would bo made towarcU the end of each following; month.