EDITOR'S WALLET.

Otago Witness, Issue 2503, 12 March 1902, Page 72

EDITOR'S WALLET.

Confessions of a Joke. THE EXPERIENCES OF A MOSS-GBOWN CHESTNUT. I was a very good joke when I was made — lively and brilliant. I came into being at a smart supper-party «fc the Savoy, consisting of two society dames, the colonel of a crack regiment, and a brilliant man of letters, who was being made much of by high society at that time. lie was, needless to say, my - parent. My birth was greatly applauded, the gallant warrior, in fact, giving such a resounding chuckle that people supping at neighbouring tables looked round with wcllbred curiosity. I had to be explained three times to the man of war; but that, of course, is a mere detail. My parent was so pleased with his newborn jest's success that, after the supperparty was among the things of the past, he repeated me in the smoking-room of his club to an admiring circle. The admiring circle in question happened to contain a gentleman attached to a " society weekly," and I was promptly and furtively transferred to his shirt-cuff. The next morning I was duly put upon paper in the weekly budget of paragraphs which the plagiarist contributed to his paper, and in due course appeared in print. Oh, how bashful I felt ! Actually to make an appearance in the great world, and tickle the ribs of the journal's large circle of readers — it was a blissful, but at the same time a disturbing thought ! My success was greater than my modesty anticipated. "Listen to this, Alf; this ain't bad!" exclaimed one junior clerk to another, as ho perused the sheet in which I appeared over his noonday coffee and bun. And he forthwith proceeded to read me out. "Alf" was good enough to signify his approval. "Not go dusty!' 7 he affirmed. "I wonder where these chaps get all their ideas?" He proceeded, meditatively stiring his coffee. I could have enlightened him. Many other triumphs similar to that recorded above had I that week, and I began to be quite puffed up with pride and things. The sharp eyes of the assistantoditor of another paper soon espied me, and I was promptly " scissored." Heie, again, I scored a triumph. Soon after .his I crossed the Channel, franked by the London correspondent of a cheap "boulevard" journal, and made an appearance in a French dress. The sea voyage did not suit me. I seemed to lose most of my animation and sparkle, and I am sorry to confess that my Parisian readers found me as flat, stale, and unprofitable as a railway-station sandwich. 'Twas a sore blow to my pride, and I began to feel what a poor joke I wat>, after all. It so happened, however, that I was to return to my native land under curious circumstances. One day I felt myself being studied by a long-haired youth, with a slouch-hat and a flapping "art-green" tie. He was an American, who had been studying art in Paris, and was off to London to try his luck with the illustrated papers. Ho copied an English translation of me carefully into his notebook, and in his company I recrossed the Channel. Once settled in a London studio — a small room in a huge block of offices and flats behind the Law Courts — he wrote me on the back of a drawing, and he and I began a long and weary round of the offices. My artist did not dispose of me all at once, and he once made a very unkind remark, which rankles in my memory yet. "The drawing's all right," he «aid to himself, gazing lovingly at his handiwork; "it must be the joke that's rotten." Oh, could my first author have heard him ! A vision of that Savoy supper-party flashed before my eyes. But I very soon had my revenge, and from an unexpected quarter. The artist submitted his drawing to yet another art editor. "H'm!" said the latter, frowning at the sheet of Bristol beard through a cloud of cigarette-smoke. " The idea isn't bad. If you don't mind taking it bark and redrawing it a little, retaining the same joke, we'll take it." This was done, though my artiat grew livid with rage at the notion, and muttered defiantly as he strode clown thf* stairs which led from the editorial room ; but at last I appeared in an illustrated paper. I cannot say that I fitted in very well with tbo picture, which was the- usual man and girl, with a screen, a palm in a pot, and a Japanese lantern for accessories ; but the public did not seem to mind. My next migration was to the stage. It happened thusly : 'Iwo gfir.lemen, whom I subsequently discovered were a music-hall comedian and his tame song-writer, weie idly chatting in a West-end cafe, when tho former happened to take up the illustrated paper containing me, and began to spell it o\fn\ When his eye fell' on me> his face lighted up. " Look here, Q»ill," he cried eagerly, turning to his companion, " here's a notion for a song!" And he handed him the paper. This the ballad-monger carried airay_ to his lodgings — a couplf of rooms near the sky on the Surrey t-ide of the water— and after sundry acr.itchmgs and ?eribblingd I \>as tmtured into the main idea of a humorous son». When Quill read it over to his patron tl.o latter was delighted. "It will go like ?tcani, my boy," ho said. And he offered to pay the thunderstruck port on the nail for his work. The great night cmic when I, in my altered guise, wns to be hurled at a patient pnblie. There was a fair amount of applause, caused largely by the lively tune, and the fnct that tho comedian was a favourite of long standing ; but I deeply felt that I was out of my proper sphere. Ala-, for the nc:.t issue of tho theatrical journals. " We cannot oonecicntiouny comriond Mr CJasr?;.''! selection of roh^s," sr-id on?, " v/hich, nevertheless, pppearcd to bo to the tasti of his audience-. A move v.oaiy collection of ancient and mo«s-grown chestnuts it has ne\er been our fate, to endure — Ci-rn in a mu c ir-hall." I next formed pait ot tlie patter u=efl by a couple of " knockabout " comedian*, and, being of a pointedly personal order, I was gipcted with fchripks of laughter every i.i-/!it Prrliaps this was partly owing (" '■ > '- : l>at tli^ comedian whose ilut^ ck'' m"> f-imultaneou"-ly r,:n< . ..-, pprtiii-! Mo!"ntlv n^er tho her-d ivjr!' cue of those weird unlking-sticks which a'- [ w:>yi form cart of a " knockabout coinc- , dian's" equipment. Last scene of all — I am now (loinpr duty in ! a nigger-minstrel entertainment. Pity the ! sorrows of an og^d and decrepit io'.-o, and 1 if one of my ?ablc tyrants fciioukl happen to let me off in your hearing, oi your | charity lav.£.b al me.