MUCH BETTER.

Otago Witness, Issue 2456, 10 April 1901, Page 69

MUCH BETTER.

When skies nre overcast, ancl we are down in our luck, ilien is the glorious never-to bcneglected opportunity of the friend in the hour of need: "All is for the be«t." Of a truth it is more blessed to give than to receive sympathy on particular occasions, as for instance, when one has the toothache; or when twins have amvecl; or when ore is suffering from rcmoi'e at neglecting to buy 100 Hartley and Riley shares at an early stige of their existence, or when the unexp vted happens, or when the expected does happen, or — but a hundred odd instancps will arise to the recollection of the observant reader :

The Apostle (loquitur) • When a fat and bloated spider squats m his di .mal web, Muncluf'e; up with gusto every wandeiii.g tramp , He don't want no mellow sunlight to warm his bloomin neb , He mn't tioubled up to much about the damp l He l-s better as lie is, If his bloomm' neb was " fuz," He is happy as he is, For the goigeom sun would only make him shift his camp.

The Disciple: Oh, harg the spidci ! I ain't much on him Let him fiecze.

The Apostle (sweetly, with full knowledge of the va'uc of the soft answei, and its effect on the wrathful! V\ T hen a Jew erects a store in the back blocks far away, And sells his goods for three times what they fetch in towD,,

He don't want no cc«tiv lailway. ns - '-*• the — tun? — won't — ivy ' And mrjht bung lis ti^-too pnecs <, ui'i dou n tie is bettci as he i -, AVit'i an 'Al ' ro.irn -, "biz ': H«'s contented ns he ll 11l 1 - Hc's as happy ..a a p.eb?ld ciicuS clown The Disciple- (kiquitar)"Piebald circus clo\\n is di'tnict^' fi;ood— * that i-, ll cucus people are goo-el! I— * p? —

The Apostle (inteifuphiTg) "When out at founder bpLciurg, 3 ou girb youE loich and «pear, "With an ornamental Maon kit upon your back Among the iocl:y shadows one sometimes has a f<*ar That the weird, ungainly octopus is on his track But he's batter jwlicre he is, His unsympathetic " phiz ' Is- lots better wheie it is, Forking m the helpless floundeis as fast as ho can stack.

The Disciple: "What about the harmless, necessary flounder? Is he to bo persecuted on all sides ( • The Apostle chips in again : When tho hunter's getting himted, aad t!la wild ball's p.ftpr lum, He chuck-3 behind his carbine for a spnnt, He spots a. distant fuch&m, cud bcrambles up> a limb, Xo =un-dried, scouhn' Eoer could take a quicker hint He is better where lie is • When a wild bull's dandei's " riz," Points better vhere he is — Though he stays all night and dreams <J bandages and lint.

The Disciple: ily sympathy is wholly with the bull. He was light enough when he was let alone. That's my case exactly — in a nutshell.

The Apostle goes calmly on — When the constable on duty hears Burglar Bill at mght, Trying to earn an honest penny at his trade, Ha boldly marches down the street his bull'seye flashing bright; You can hear his ' ntneteen's " rounding up to the Arcade. He's much better where he is (Supper with Jane or Liz 1 ) Oh l it's all-right where he is, And it's better, too, for Bill that no information's laid.

The Disciple: Where does, the shopkeeper come in? I suppose he was out of it from the jump. As a law-abiding citizen I must most emphatically protest

The Apostle (hurriedly falling back on the patriotic as a narcotic) - Oom Paul collected diamonds, a few million eovs, and left Tlie Gape in Africa for European calm ; He's had a nobby, gaudy time (fcho' of his wifa bereft), Tho' the prospects of his country aren't worth a — b. — clam Yes, he's better wheie he is, With that homely head of his, Yes, he's safer where he is, Smoking common, vile tobacco ?fter every Psalm.

The Disciple (convinced at last, and willing to stop the fiumen" verborum at any cost) : Yes! Yes! I agree with you He is safer where he is. Hand me that box of Bile Beans '

— Little Jimmy.