Concerning the young Benedict and the One Who had been Through the Vill.

Otago Witness, Issue 2456, 10 April 1901, Page 69

Concerning the young Benedict and the One Who had been Through the Vill.

Once there was a city sa'rsman who had been married for ten dpys and was around Celling the bachelors what chumps they were to try and stick it out single. One morning he came to the office with a satisfied smile and said to the credit man, who was all kinds of a husband and father : "Well, we have settled down to housekeeping, Dovey and I. We decided that we might as well begin right, so I bought everything that we possibly could need. It is a large expenditure to make right on the jump, but, thank goodness, we have it over with, and won't have to be spending our money in driblets all the time." "Far be it from me to turn the ice-water douche on Love's young dream," paid the old married man, with a grim smile, "but

when you say that you have bought everything that you will need in keeping houFe, you excite my nsibles and move me to say, •Pish-Tush.' " "We sat down together and made out a list," said the newly-married one. "Then I went out to a department store and blew myself." "And you have everything?" "Everything." "Did you get a mouse-trap?" "Will we need one?" "Hull ! I suppose you have your beeswax, stickdng,-plaster, household ammonia, thermometer, griddle-cake turner, your borax, and the patent thingum for tightening up the clothes line?" "I don't remember any of these." "Did you get your picture of a fhh?" "Great Scott, no ! What do I want with a picture of a fish?" "Every well-regulated establishment must have a picture of a fish in the dining room, to aid digestion. Did you buy any camphor balls?" "Not yet." "Any furniture polish?"

"No." "An egg-beater, a toast fork, or fancy paper for the shelves?" "I'm afraid not." ''I thought as much. My young friend, if ever the day comes when you, as a married man, can put your hand on your heart and truly say that you don't need anything else around the house, and you can get your wife to agree with you, come to me and I will hang a medal on you." Moral: It is almost impossible to be tiuchful and not be disagreeable. — George Ade, in the New York Herald.