EDITOR'S WALLET.

Otago Witness, Issue 2456, 10 April 1901, Page 69

EDITOR'S WALLET.

Easy Motion, Isn't 112

I sailed from England this summer on the Mid-Ocean Line. I i-hall call the steamer the Bathtubbe. The laro to New York was 60dol for an inside bcith in an inside room, and that was the kind of room that I selected. The passengers were soci able, amiable, and interesting, and I formed many agreeable "ocean friendships." But all seemed lacking in one quality.

For instance, I approached a Eporty-look-ing man with a red necktie and a diamond in his shirt-bosom. He was leaning over the rail, gazing at the last bit of gieen that we should see for 11 days.

I began a conversation with that confidence that he would reply pleasantly w hich strangers on a steamer _ always haye — nor is that confidence ever abused.

"Easy motion, isn't it You come over on this line?"

"No. I came over on the Furst Bismarck, but I had a touch of the gout in Paris ancl the doctor recommended a slow ocean voyage, ancL co I chose this line. It's the slowest over."

I was too polite to wink at him, and he immediately turned the conversation into other channels.

Later in the day I met a lady from Boston. It is perhaps unnecessary to cay that I was introduced to this lady ; also to every Bostonian on board.

"Easy motion, isn't it?" said I as I drew my chair into the shadow of one of the boats.

"Yes," said the Boston lady: "the motion is easy, as you say ; but I prefer a faster boat myself. We were coming homo on the St. Louis, but Mr Adams was cabled to come home at once, and this was the only line that we could secure passages on at such short notice." "You were very lucky," said I, mentally figuring that if they had taken the St. Louis they would have reached home two days so^°,r than the Bathtubbe would deck it .^cll, I don't know as we can call it lucky ; the table is so inferior — at leas-t to Back Bay cooking."

I think it was on the same day that I fell into conversation with a vv ell put-up young man of New York. I fell into it in my usual way by saying : "Nice easy motion, isn't it?" Wo were standing in the bow watching a school of porpoises cut for their noon recess.

"You may call it easy, but I call it blamed hard. Ten days more of it. I don't see why I was foolish enough to give up my passage on th 9 Oceanic, but a chap in London told me that if I wanted an absolutely novel experience I'd Setter take one of these tubs." "Yes," said I, "and they_have the advantage of being cheap. Table not so bad, either." "Well, the cheapness didn't appeal to me. In fact, I tried to get a whole state-room for 250d01, so that I'd have plenty of room to myself, don't yon know; but the confounded toat was so crowded that I could only get an inside berth, lower one at that. If I hadn't foolishly cabled my return home to the governor I'd have waited and taken Cunarder." I met a southern woman that same day in the ladies' saloon. We were both writing letters, and neither one of us could think of a thing to say, so I looked up and smiled, and uttered my formula: "Easy motion, isn't it?" "Oh, yes; I wish it would roll a little It is so monotonous. They say the sister steamer, the Washtubbe, is much more of a roller." "Pine line, though, isn't it?" "Do you think so? I've^ been accustomed to take the White Star line, but my husband's brother's cousin, whom we met at Bingen, told us if we wanted to be perfectly comfortable we'd better take a MidOcean liner." "Cheaper, too," said I, wickedly. She coloured, and went on: "I really don't know about that part of it My hugband always .attends to the buying of tickets." I had heard that there was a stowaway, who had }>een discovered the third day out. I went to him. He was peeling potatoes in a dismal room off the kitchen.

"Hello, my boy!" said I, "that's right. I see you're hopeful. I used to do that for my mother when I was a boy Easy motion, isn't it? Did you exnect to come by tkis line?"

He was flattered at not being taken for one of the crew. "Ng, I wanted to take the Bremen, but she was burned at Hoboken, so I came on this. It's kinder fun to peel potatoes. The skinp slip off so easy."

With a sad heart I left this insincere young man peeling ootatoes and went up on the upper deck. There I saw a dignified and handsome old gentleman, the best dressed man on board, reading Aristophanes in the original. He had snoken to no one. and people thought him offish. I wondered what tale he would give me, and I stopped alongside of him, and when he looked up I said : "Easy mot.ion, isn't it?" "Yes, luckily for me, it is. I'm a poor sailor. But easy or not easy. I had to come by this line, as I practically went broke in London, and just had enough to buy a passage by this cheap line. I'll have to touchy the friends who come to meet me for the money to tip the stewards. I don't rave over the table, and I know lots of ways in which the service could lie imnroved, but I'm practically broke, and that's why I'm here, so I don't complain." Here he cast a comprehensive glance at such of the passengers as were in sight. "Yes, I'm broke, and I fancy we're all in the same boat." "Shake." said I. — Saturday Evening Post, New York.