FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2443, 9 January 1901, Page 57

FUN AND FANCY.

, — Mrs Brown : " What colour are your little boy's eyes?" Mrs Robinson: "Black, i generally. He's a terrible fighter." — Mrs Jones: "Don't trouble yourself to ccc me to the door, Mrs Smith." Mrs Smith : "No trouble. Quite a pleasure, I assure you." — The Hero (as the plot thickens) : "Now is the time to act ! " Voice from the Ga 1 '" 1 "? : "'Ear! 'ear! We've waited long enouv, .or it!" — Mis? de Pride : " I wouldn't marry him if he were the last man on earth !" Rival Belle : " Indeed you wouldn't ! I'd take him myself them ! " — There are two reasons why some people do not mind- their own business. One is, they Kaven't any business ; and th.c other is, they Eaven't any mind. ' — She: "I heard that you said I reminded you of the North Pole. Don't try to deny it." He: "Of course I did. You are so sought after, you know." — At a negro ball, instead of "not transferable" on the tickets, a notice was posted over the door: "No gentleman admitted unless he comes himself." — "My dear," said G-rowells, " you are simply talking nonsense." "I know it," replied his better half; "but it's because I want you to, understand what I say." — Jablin : " Jaggins called you a monkey. How can you stand Ihat? " Dilbey : J'What •would you advise me to do about it'" Jablin : "Make him prove it, of course i " Minister: "How's that, Jacksoi. — you say you are glad when Sunday comes round, and yet I never see you inside the church? " Jackeon : "No, but the old woman goes, air ! " — Also. — Mrs Wilkine: "Ah, what a change one little woman can make in a man's life!" Mr SmitheT3: "Exactly! And what a heap of change sh« requires while doing

it ! " ]_ Little Willie : " Pa, what's a redundancy of expression?" Pa: "Using more words than are necessary to express one's meaning, euch as 'wealthy plumber,' 'poor poet, etc." Esther: "My mother was renowned for her beauty. She was certainly the handsomest woman I have even s.een." Miss Cayenne : " A-h. it was your father, then, who was not good-looking ! " "I must admit." said the mannish erirl, "that I'm very fond of men's clothes, don't like them— do you?" "Yes, I do," replied the girly ( girl, frankly, "when there's a man in them.' „„,.. Able Financiering. — Grocer: Well, little one, what can Ido for you? " Jenny: " Please, sir, mamma say? will you change a sovereign for her, an' she'll give you the sovereign to-morrow? " It jp said of a certain learned man that he spent half his lifetime acquiring fluency in 10 different languages, and then went and married a wife who never gives him a chance to aret a word in edgeways. — Under an Obligation.— I say, doctor, .isn't this bill a little excessive? Cant you knock off £5 or so? " "No. Why should I? "Well, you must lemember that it was 1 who introduced the scarlet fever in this town. Isn't that worth something? " — On the Honeymoon.— She : Oh, Willie, do you really, truly love me? He: Yes dearest. By the way, have you that little memorandum book I gave you?' She : xes love." He: "Well, then, just make a note of it, bo that you won't need to ask me two dozen times a day." — Seized the Opportunity.—" What is your favourite flower? " asked the young woman '* I can't tell you," answered the ready-witted young man. "Why not?" "Because I don t know the name of the one you are wearing at this moment." Their engagement is announced. —When Remenyi, the famous violinist, was a young man, he was engaged by a parvenu ±o play at a dinner, the agreement slating that he was to furnish 'music from 8 o'clock till

11. He began with an Andante movement from Mozart, a composition which opens \ery blow and sole. The host uirnsd to his guests: "That's lust like thope musicians," he said; "I hired him by the hour, and see how slow he plays." — '"It is very kind of you, madame," said the tramp, "lo give me such a fine dinner." "Don't mention it. your poor man," said the kind-hearted woman. " But I will lepav you," said the tramp, gratefully. "I'll tell all my pals that you are a flinty-hearted termagant that ain't never known how to cook nothin' decent, so's they'll give your house the go-bye and won't never bother you." — A song with the title, "There's a sigh in the heart," was sent by apyoung man to his sweetheart ; but the paper fell into the hands of tho girl's father, a very unsenti- ( mental physician, who exclaimed: "What ( wretched, unscientific rubbish is this? Who ( ever^heard of such a case?" He wrote on the outside : "Mistaken diagnosis ; no sigh in the heart possible. Sighs relate almost entirely to the lungs and diaphragm ! " — " Don't you love the country when the trees begin to leaf, and all Nature takes on . the freshness and full-fed flavour of the juicy j earth, Mr Codman? " "Well, I— l— why, j yes, Mi.«s Gushly. I think so." " And all animate things come forward so full of ioy j and springthly life, Mr Codman — the frisking, skipping, bleating lambs, for : nstaiice? , Don't you dote on it? "I do. indeed, Miss ; Gushly. If the lamb is well done, and the peas are fresh, and the mint sauce about tight, I know nothing I dote on more."