The Wit and Humour of Golf.

Otago Witness, 5 December 1900, Page 69

The Wit and Humour of Golf.

The matches these men played were unquestionably of the very keenest ; the stakes were commonly some contribution to the supper — the claret, it might be, or the Malaga. Also, they only played the mateh-^ame by holes. What their score for the round might be they neither knew nor cared. Shrewd wit, caustic humour, and keen banter were part of the play. Even to-day, the talk of a four-some of middle-aged Scotsmen has an acid flavour about it that you find in no other nationality.

The nature of the g-ame seems peculiarly favourable to the display of Scots wit. Which produced the other — the game the wit, or the wit the game — is a difficult question. Some say the game came from Holland : if that -be true, we incline to think that it left that land in disgust, and came to a country where a congenial humour awaited - it. That this special humour had full play among these olden golfers is beyond doubt. Indeed it was so much part of the game that the caddies had full license to indulge in it.

"Man, major," said an old caddie to the gentleman who had been using strong language rather freely, "if you wad keep your tongue aff the ba' an' your een on't, you wad play belter."

And what a fine revenge was that of the wastrel-caddie who had been sent for the first time to the "lock-up" for drunkenness by a gentleman only recently promoted to the local magistracy. When he came out the bailie engaged him to carry his clubs. At a critical point of the match the bailie had a putt of a foot to save the hole. He missed it ; and when all had expressed their feelings in the customary way, the caddie said in a loud voice :

'"Ay, taere'b .nony a man been sent to jail for far less than that !"

Was it not another of these porters of the links who, after his employer had played nine holes of missed shots and putts, surrendered the clubs to another caddie with the remark :

"Yell no mind, laird. I made but a puir breakfast this mornin', and I'm no in a condeetion to stand ony mair o't." — From Blackwood's Magazine.