Humours of Matrimonial Notices.

Otago Witness, Issue 2430, 10 October 1900, Page 71

Humours of Matrimonial Notices.

QTJESII WARNINGS ABOUT WIVES.

Not long ago an Arizona rancher posted the following notice on a cottonwood tree not far from his place of abode : —

"My Avife Sarrah has left my ranch when I didn't Deo a Thing Too her, and I want it distinkly understood that any Man as takes her in and Kesrs for her on my account Avill get himself Pumped so Full, of Led that some tenderfoot Avill locate him for a mineral claim. A word to the aviss is sufficient and orter work en fools."

Another deserted Benedict;, W. Blacklocl: by name, inserted a curious adA'erbisementin the Samoa Herald warning all and sundry in these terms : — ,

"Apele, a Sainoan Avoman, ta whom I wa& mairied by Vice-consul Hamilton in 1886, having- long since refused to obey my lawful commands, and contrary to my express orders, associating Avith and following the advice of ■unscrupulous, scheming, and Avorthless persons; and having on July 23 last left my home, bag and baggage, to liA^e among tho Samoans, and being now away doAvn the coast Avith natives Avithout" my consent ; 1 hereby again give notice that i shall not lecognipe any debt? contracted by her, nor in tiny way be responsible tor her acts." A man whose Avife left him and repented of so doing thus apprises all whom it may concern, through the medium of the New York Sun, of her return to his domestic hearth: —

'•Thir. is to give notice that my wife, Avho left my home without fumeient cause, has returned and is glad to be back again, ana will not leave again in a hurry."

The wife of a New Yorker who for long persisted in wearing her Avatch dangling from a pendant on her bosom, contrary to her husband's repeated injunctions against the foolish practice, Avas made the subject of the following communication tv the press: — "I desire to extend my sincere thanks "to the gentlemanly and urbane pickpocket for pmehing the braibb. Be lias tuught her in one or lavo .seconds wht't I have been years trying to teach her, ;uid I am so grateful that I am almost tempted to offer him five dollars as a token of -.\\y esteem."

Nobody bu* an Irishman could issue such a no ties as thw, which appealed in an Irish newspaper a good many year-; ago : — "Run away from Patrick M'Dallagh. Whereas my wife, Mrs Bridget M'Di'llagh, is again walked aAvay with herself, and left me Avith her four small children and her poor old blind mother, and nobody else to look after 1-oase "And hone, and, I hear, has taken Tip Avini Tim U'.ugan, the lame fiddler, the same thai was put in the sLockfe last Euscer lor stealim- Diddy Doody's chickens: thi* is to give no'iica thai I will not pay for bile or sup on hie. or her account to man or mortal, and that she had better never show the marks of her ten toes near my home again. 15.8.— Tim had better keep out of my sight."

On finding that his better half bad levanted, a Coiiuecriout men penned a warning in verte which yppeareel in the Connecticut Courant, and re-ad : Julia, my vife, has grown quite rude, She has left me in a lonesome mood. She has left my board, She has took nay bed; She ha s given aw ay my meat and bread ; She Ims left rue in spite of friends and clrnrcn ; She lias carried Avith her all my shirts. Kow, ye who read this paper, Since she cut this lecklcss caper I will not Day one single fraction For any debts of her contract.on.

Another Yankee once made his Avife do public penance for telling him a falsehood^ They liA'ed in a small town in the State of Pennsylvania, and in the local print he caused the following advertisement to be inserted : —

"My Avife, Matilda, has confessed of telling me a lie, and has humbly begged pardon for same. This is to give notice to all the tOAvnspeople not to give belief to anything' she may tell them, excepting Avhen her word is otherwise confirmed."