FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2427, 19 September 1900, Page 57

FUN AND FANCY.

—If you Vant a man to think you are smart you have only to make him think you think he is smart.

— Teacher : "WHat little boy can tell the name of the, worst nation on earth?" Bobby: "Vaccination." — Gamekeeper (to sportsman who has missed at every shot) : "I say, sir, if them rabbits was a yard longer, you'd make a fine bag!" — A number of young women have organised aa anti-kissing society. Those who have seen jhe members say that such a precaution was not necessary.

— ■ "If nofc yourself," said a wealthy old bachelor to a charming young lady, "whom would you rather be?" "Yours truly," was «,ha immediate reply. • — Young Hobbs: "Mamma, what animal is the king of beasts?" Mrs Hobbs (with a significant look at her hubband) : "Man!" — Bertie : "Do you like the engagement ring, dearest?" Gertie: ''Yes, it is perfectly sweet, and so different from what the others have given me." — Miss Wilkins: "Ah, what a change one little woman can make in a nwn's life !" Mr Smith ers: "Exactly! And what a heap of ■•Jbange she requires while doing it !" — He: "You told your mother I was sorry for having made an idiot-- of my&elf at her dinner party last night — what did she say?" She: "Oh, she saiCl she noticed nothing unusual, George !" — Rector : "I never in my life touched a congregation as I did this morning. Every eye was on me." Wife : "No wonder. When you, took your hat off your gloves remained oh the top of your head." —He (returned from a, tour round the ■world) : "Awfully \igly little beggars, the Japs. Why, I was considered quite a goodlooking chap out there." She (absently) : "Really?" ' — "Papa, what is a broker?" "A man, my son, whose chief effort in life is to reduce his customers to that financial condition expressed by the significant term of 'broke.' For this reason, Harry, he is called a broker." — Tommy: "Can you swim, Mr Softsoap?" Mr Softsoap: "No, Tommy; I'm sorry to say I can't swim." Tommy: "Then you had better learn. I heard Clara say that she was going to throw you overboard." — Sunday-school Teacher: "Why, Willie "Wilson ! Fighting again? Didn't last Sunday's lesson teach that when you are struck on one cheek you ought to turn the other to the striker?" Willie: "Yes'm ; but he hit me on the nose, an' I've only got one."

— ■ Irate Caller : "Who wrote that article about me in to-day's paper?" Managing Editor: "Our Fighting Editor — the gentleman sitting there in the corner with the bulldog in his lap and the big stick in his hand." Caller : "Shake hands, sir 1 You have a thundering good style."

— Ida: "Elmore received a terrible instill this morning." May: "What was it?" Ida: "Why. an old lady saw the handles of his golf clubs projecting from the bag, and asked him bow much he would charge to mend an urnOrella."

— Governess: "Who was the wisest man?" Tattle Dick : "Solomon." Governess: "Correct ; name- the wisest woman." X»ittle Dick (after meditation) : "Well, if I say you, ma will get angry; and if I say ma, you will get angry-" .—. — A short time ago, at a school in the north of England, during a lesson on the animal kingdom, the teacher put the following question: — -"Can any boy name to me an animal of the order indontata; that is, a toothless animal?'. 5 A boy whose -face beamed with pleasure at the prospect of a good mark replied :—"I: — "I can." "Well, what is the animal?" "My grandmother 1" replied the boy, in great glee.