GOOD STORIES.

Otago Witness, Issue 2416, 28 June 1900, Page 64

GOOD STORIES.

(From a Bi&hop's Note-Book.)

The collector of good stories deserves well of his fellow-men. The sense of humour is moie widespread than we are wont to imagine, but it is wofuliy wasted, because the chiel amang us takin' notes, is a somewhat rare individual. Bishop VValsham How's note-books, however, have yielded sufficient material to fill a slender little volume Avhich bears the appropriate title of " Lighter Moments '' (Isbister). As the bishop was the collector of the stories, it is fit and proper to begin by quoting a story about a bishop : — A bishop once stayed at a house where they put out for him a set of silver-mc-imted brushes. 'When he left ' the blushes disappeared, and the masler of the house waited some days, thinking he should receive them back, but not doing so, he wrote and inquired if they had got packed up by mistake with the bishop's things. He received a telegram next day saying, "Poor, but honest; look in table drawer."

Dr Smiles' s teaching had not fallen on stony ground in the case of the boy who figures in the following story : —

A boy being asked Avhether he always said his prayers, said, '' Yes, always at night." He was then asked, "And why not in the morning?" To which he answered, " Because a strong boy of nine, like me, ought to be able to take care of himself in the daytime. 1 '

For the framing of ingenious excuses the nimble minds of children are ever ready : —

A little girl who had been taking raspberries in the garden was talked to by her mother, and told to resist the temptation. She afterwards appeared with evident signs of having been again among the raspberries, and when her mother asked her how it was she had not resisted the temptation, she said that when she was looking -at the raspberries she did say, " Get thee behind me, Satan," and he got behind her and pushed her in.

The following definition of faith has a safneient substratum of truth to be worth telling : —

The Rev. T.F. Dale, when in India in his school, asked the boys what was the meaning of faith. A European boy answered, '" When you believe something you are quite sure isn't true."

The following anecdote would seem to suggest that the tendency to specialise has asserted its influence even in the pew of the country church : —

A Scotch minister from a large town once visited and preached in a rural parish, and was asked to pray for rain. He did so, and the rain came in floods and destroyed some of the crops ; whereupon one elder remarked to another, " This comes of entrusting sic a request to a meenister who isna acquentit wi' agriculture."

The humour of these two stories is of a grim order : —

A clergyman in Yorkshire, visiting a dying man, observed him putting his hand out of the bed and eating something from time to time, so he said he was glad to see he could eat a little, when the man, with a funny look, said, '" They're my funeral biscuits. The missis went to town and bought them, and she's out to-day, and I'm eating them."

A friend of mine was taking a mission for the vicar of a parish in Bolton. As they were walking together down the street they met an old woman, and the vicar asked her after her husband, who was very ill, saying, " I am afraid he is very ill." " Yes, sir," she answered ; " but I do my best for him. I read the Burial Service to him every day to get him used to it." This tale is an. amusing instance of fairweather Christianity : — A woman in a small Welsh farmhouse being taken very ill, a neighbour went for the clergyman, who said he would come directly. The neighbour going back to the farmhouse said they had better get out a Bible, as the parson might ask for one ; the farmer thereupon told the woman she would find one, he thought, at the bottom of an old chest, " for, thank goodness," he added, " we have had no occasion for them sort of books for many a long year — never since the old cow was so bad."

This story seems to suggest that the privileges of a husband do not always reflect credit on his character as a man : —

A man who was a great drunkard was persuaded to take the pledge, and some time afterwards a lady went to see his Avife, and asked her how they were getting on, to which she replied, " Oh, ma'am, we're getting on right well. He never beats me now, and never swears at me. I &ay he's more like a friend than a husband ii ow. ' ' — Chronicle.