INTERESTS. FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2394, 18 January 1900, Page 61

INTERESTS. FUN AND FANCY.

_ — " Josephine, isn't it dreadful to be 50 years old?" "No; not unless you let people know it." — "As beautiful as a bust in a hairdresser's "window," is a reporter's description of a .Richmond bride. — Nell: "I wouldn't be in your shoes for anything." Belle' (sweetly) ;. "You couldn't ;get into them, my dear." — A monopoly is a good deal like a baby. A man is opposed to it on general principles until he has one of his own. — Wife (bitterly) : " You deceived me when' you married me." Husband: "i did more than that. I deceived myself." —An old bachelor says there is but one thing sweeter than love's young dream, and that- is -to wake up and find yourself still single. l. — The whale that swallowed Jonah was like"- a milkman who has made his fortune, because he took a great prophet out of the water. — Woman : " These fish don't seem very fresh." Fish hawker (growlingly) : " Wot you wants is fish caught to-morrow, and 'aye 'em to-day!" — "And yovL will never forget me?" asked the girl of her lover, a grocer's assistant. "Never," he said, absently. "Is there anything more to-day?" — "We have lady harpists, lady pianists, and ladies who twang the mandoline ; but where in the whole world is the woman who can play second fiddle? — ""Were you ever caught in a squall?" asked an old yachtsman of a worthy citizen. " Rather," responded the good man; " I have helped to bring up eight babies." — Had Had Hard Usage. — Smith: "Your wife has a fine voice." Jones: "Yes, one of the best in the world, otherwise it would have teen worn out several years ago." — "What's a man's chief end,. Willie?" Willie: "If he's a runner it's his feeb; if he's a minister it^s his heid; an' if he's a fitba pla3'er it's baith his feet and his heid." — Sportsman (to Snobson, who hasn't brought down a single bird all day) : "Do you bnow Lord Peckham?" Snobson: "Oh, dear, yes; I've often shot at his house." Sportsman: "Ever hit it?" — Edith : " He told me I wos so interesting and so beautiful." Maud: "And yet you will trust yourself for life with a man who begins deceiving you even at the commencement of iiis courtship !" ' — Ethel : " That detestable Mrs Bloom said that I looked 30." Maud: "How perfectly absurd!" Ethel (elated): "Frankly, now, how old do you really think I look?" Maud : " About - 40 !" "j\ly dear, why are the eggs always hard afcbreakfast, now? ' asked Mr Snaggs. " They must be eggs of the new hens," replied Mrs Snaggs, thoughtfully. "The new hens? Why should their eggs be hard?" " They are Plymoxith Rocks, you know." — Artist : " Oh ! you think the background's ' beastly,' do you? Perhaps the cattle are 'beastly' too, though I flatter myself " Friendly Artist : " Oh, no, my dear fellow! That's just what they are not." — Judge.- "Your age?" Lady: "Thirty year?." Judge (incredulously)*: " You will 'have some difficulty in proving that." Lady (excitedly) : " You'll find it hard to prove the contrary, as the church register which contained the entry of my baptism was burnt in the year 1845." — He : " I beg your pardon, but — cr — I did not quite catch the name " She: " Miss JTitz-Mount-mo-rency." He: "Thanks ! What a pretty name ! and so uncommon." She (laughingly) : " Did you think I was called Jones?" He (feebly) : "A — pardon — but — cr — my name is Jones." — A Matter of Fate. — "Y"ou are the third man," said the young woman musingly, " who has asked me to marry him." " And if you marry me," replied the well-preserved widower, "you will be my third wife! All great events go in threes !" The combination was too strong for her, and she yielded. — Mrs Dix: "When my husband* and _ I quarrel we never allow the children to witness it." Mrs Hix: "Why, how in the world do you manage it?" Mrs Dix: "We always send*them out of doors, so they can hear nothing." Mrs Hix: "' Oh, now, I understand. I've often wondered why your children were in the street all the time." — A gentleman tells the following joke on Si. jeweller: — A young man who was on the verge of .matrimony went to the jeweller and bought a ring, and left instructions that in it be engraved the legend, "From A. to Z.," /which, being interpreted, meant from Anthony to Zeno"bia. To his astonishment, on calling for the ring the next day, he found, it eixgraved like an Egyptian obelisk, and on closer examination found that the jeweller ,!had put the whole alphabet " from A to Z "