Some Douglas Jerrofd Stories.

Otago Witness, Issue 2389, 14 December 1899, Page 63

Some Douglas Jerrofd Stories.

One of the" eprightliest English humorists of our time was Douglas Jorrold. As an author he excelled in light pieces for the stage. But some of his wittiest Hayings and some of his beat puns were spontaneous — occurring in conversation or in answer to remarks made 1 by others. A clergyman was boring him with interminable arguments about the great evil of the time being the surplus population. "Yes," said Jerrold impatiently, "the- surnlico population." A prosy old gentleman, meeting him as he ■was passing at his usual quick pace along Regent street, stopped him anrl began : "Well, Jerrold, my dear boy, what's going on?" "I am," said Jerrold, and vanished in the crowd. At a dinner, one gentleman who had been eating.a dish of pheep's-head with great gusto, exclaimed, as at last he laid down his knife and fork, "Sheep's-head for ever ! say I." VThere's egotism, said Jerrold. Speaking of Mother Eve, Jerrold said she atd' the forbidden fruit trJnt she might have the pleasure of dressing. One day at a party, Jerrold said he would undertake to make a- pun upon anything his friends liked to suggest. One of thenr, thin l-:-ing to givo him a poser, asked whether he could pun upon the Signs of the Zodiac. To which Jerrold replied promptly, "By Gemini, I Can-eer." Tired of attending numberless public dinners, he declared that if an earthquako were to wreck the whole country to-morrow, the English would manage to meet and dine somewhere among the rubbish just to celebrate the event. An acquaintance called on Jerrold to arouse his sympathy on behalf of an impecunious author. But the hat had gone round too often already. "Haw much does ho want this time?" asked Jerrold. "Well," said the other, "we think a four •and two noughts would put. him straight." *Then," said Jeirold, "put me down for one of the noughts."" Of an 'empty-headed bore who was tall and very thin, Jerrold said: "He is like a pin, but lacking the head and the point." Sometimes, through a joke, Jerrold convoyed good advice or a word of warning. He was enjoying a drive one day with a jovial Bpendthrift, behind a fine pair of greys. "Well, "Jcrrold," said his impecunious friend, "what do you think of my greys?" "To tell you the truth," said Jerrold, "I - was* thinking more of your duns !" — IVqm "English Humour," by David Macrae.