THE HUMOURS OF ENLISTMENT.

Otago Witness, Issue 2389, 14 December 1899, Page 55

THE HUMOURS OF ENLISTMENT.

THE VAGARIES OF TOMMY ATKINS i IN EMBRYO. Tbe other day an amusing spectacle was witnessed in Eastchcap by the crowd of after-dinner loungers who frequent that

thoroughfare about 2 o'clock. - In Eastchcap was seen v, recruiting officei-, proceeding with martial tread" in the direction of tho Tower, and in his wake three top-hatted, pale-faced city clerks, whose military bearing caiise'd much amusement amongst the onlookers. Nevertheless, the three aspirants to her Majesty's uniform preserved their soldierly dignity, and strutted after the officer with expanded chests and erect heads, keeping step with their leader in admirable style. " Going to fight tbe Boers !" remarked a bystander, amidst much laughter. " They all think this Kruger affair will get them accepted for the" army. But the* War Office knows its own business best, I fancy." Itr is to be hojied, however, that" the recruits were not disappointed, and that each of them is by this time in a fair way of becoming a real Tommy Atkins. A war rumour always increases the work of enlistment to an abnormal extent, though the physical qualifications of candidates thereby attracted are not, in many cases, what might be desired. Men who would never think of enlisting at ordinary times come forward, eager to serve their country and Queen, and many of them are prompted by extraordinary reasons.

•A ■ well-known city merchant found the following ingenuous note pinned to his desk on returning from dinner one day las: week: —

" Sir, — I have gone out to lunch as usual, bu-} I shall not return. As you cannot "see ycui' way to grant me the advance of salary I asked for, I have decided to enlist, and so give my services' in a direction where they wJll be more useful and better appreciated. — J. S."

Ihe signature was that of a smart junior clerk who had never Ehown the slightest sign of a martial spirit before. The mer-' chunt rushed round to the recruiting office in great trepidation, for—he did not want to lose his employee. But ho was too lalo, for the errant youth had gone inside for examination.

However, three days afterwards he turned up at the office and expressed his sorrow. He had been rejected on account of varicose veins in his right leg, and he pleaded to be reinstated. Luckily, the merchant consented to take him back again, and the disappointed recruit is now consoling himself with the reflection that the pen is mightier than the sword. A recruiting sergeant in the North of Ireland once espied * likely-looking fellow staring with much interest at a placard outside the barracks. To him tha officer approached, and, in an incredibly short space of time, the pair were chatting over drinks in A' neighbouring jmblic-house. The officer was depicting the life of a soldier in all its glowing colours, pointing out the pleasure of fine clothes., plenty of potket-monßy, and the adoration of girls His world ov.;r. whsn the ether interrupted him with a rich brogue : ; — " Sure, I know it all, and it's not for that I'm takin'the shillin' from ye. ■ J Tis because I- want to get away from the wife that I married a year ago. Give ma the morey and finish the job. God save the Queen ! " The feelings of the recruiting officer in this case may be better imagined than described.

The same -officer once had a rather unfortunate experience at a country fair. He had inveigled a big, strapping fellow, something tho worse for whisky, into taking the shilling and over a drink tho raw recruit confessed that he had quarrelled with his sweetheart, and wished to get away from the neighbourhood, for the girl had a rare temper, he said. The 'officer was delighted with his splendid catch, and soon was marching him proudly down ths street in the direction of tho barracks. Suddenly they were confronted by a tall, red-haired lass, who demanded where they were going. Tho recruit was speechless with fear, but his guardian gripped, him by the arm and declaTed that he belonged to the Queen. " That he doesn't," said she, " for he's to marry me at Michaelmas. Come along home, Mick.'' "He can't, for he's taken the shilling," said the officer, trying to pass. " Oh, is that your game? Ye would coy the poor lad away when he's in drink, would -ye? J> And without further parley she attacked ths unfortunate soldier, tearing 'off his cap and scratching at his face with right good will. Luckily, a constable came to the rescue, and with some difficulty Hip faithless lover was borne away to the shelter of the barracks.

The friends of a runaway are not, however, always opposed to his enlistment, as a recruiting officer once discovered to his intense delight. He was approached in the sUeet by an elderly man, who inquired if he had enlisted a certain Tom Brown during the previous week. The officer confessed he had.

'• And is ho quite safe? " pursued the other. "Is there no way of getting him out before its 100 late? "

The officer, with inward misgiving, said he thought not. " Thank Heaven ! " ejaculated the man. " That boy has been the trouble of my life, and now I wash my hands of him. You've got a bargain, officer. You sco if he doesn't turn the British Army upside down before a year passes! ' In spite of this prediction, however, the lad ultimately proved to be an excellent soldier.