Meditations of Martin Dooley.

Otago Witness, Issue 2370, 3 August 1899, Page 61

Meditations of Martin Dooley.

ON THE "UNION OF TWO GREAT FORTUNES." " They'se wan thing that always makes me feel sure iv what Hogan calls th' safety iv our dimmycratic institutions," said Mr Dooley, " an' that's th' inthrest th' good people iv New York takes in a weddin' iv th' millyonaire3. Army time a millyonaire condescinds to enter th' martial state, aa Hogau says, au', as Hogan says, make vows to Hymen, which is th' Jew god iv marredge, he can fill th' house an' tur-rn people away fr'm th' dure. An' he does. Th' athreets is crowded. Th' cars can har'ly get through. Th' polis foorce is out an' hammerin' th' heads iv th' delighted throng. Ripresintatives if th' free an' enlightened press, th' polluty.em iv our liberties, as Hogan says, bright, intelligent j'oung journalists, iver r-ready to probe fraud an' sham, disgeesed as waiters, is dashin' madly about, makin' notes on their cuffs. Business is suspinded. They've no money in Wall sthreet. It's all at th' sacred scene. Hour be hour, I as th' prisints ar-re delivered, th' bank rates j go up. Th' threeasury departmint has to go j on a silves basis', there bein' no goold to iimnnyfacther into plunks. I *' Inside th' house th' prisints cast a. goolden I gleam in th' beauchious scene. Th' happy i father is seen seated at a table dictatin' millyondollar checks to a stenographer. Th' goold chandeliers is draped with r-ropes iv ) J diamons an' pearls. Th' hired girl is passin' j dhrinks in goolden goblets. Twinty firemen fr'm th' New York Cii«tral railroad is shove- j ! lin' dimon-shtudded pickle crutes into th' | back yard among th' yachts an' hor-pses. Chansy Depoo enthers an' thrips over a box iv bonds. ' Ar-re these th' holy bonds iv mathrimony?' he says, f'r he is a wild divvlc, an' yo can't stop his jokin', a.\en on solemn occasion?. " Th' soggarth comes in afther a while, [ carvyin' ••>, goold prayer book, th' gift iv th' Rothschilds, an' stands behind a small but val'yable pree Doo. To th' soft, meelojuus chuno iv th' Wagner Palace Weddin' March fr'm ' Long Green.' th' groom enthers, simply but ixpinsively attired in governmint fours, an' fannin' himeilf with a bunch iv first nvortj gedge bonds. Th' prayers f'r th' occasion. i printed on negotyable paper, is disthribnLed ■ among th' guests. Th' bride was delayed bo I th' crowd outside. Women screamed an' waved their handkerchiefs, s throng men I cheered an' wept, an' 'twas not until th' | polis had clubbed tin hardy pathrites to df>ath that th' lady cud enther th' house where her ! fate was to be sealed. But fin'lly she mcd it, ', an' th' two happy, hapn-y childher, whose sun- ' shiny youth riprisinted fiVe thousan' miles iv • thrack. eight goold mines, wan hundhrsd inillyon dollars' worth iv r.ollin' stock, au 1 a. majority inthrest in ihe Chicago stock y*rdsi was r-resdy f'r th' nieissary transfers tbat '• wud establish th' combination. " Th' ceremony was brief, but inthre&tin'. Tli' happy father forced his way. tlnough di'niond stomachers, an' they was tears in his eyes as he banded th' clargyman, whose name vas Murphy, but he carrid himsilf as well as if he was used to it, a cheque f'r tin raillyon dcllave. ' I don't blame. Divvle th" bit. Me own hear rfc is hard, and me eyes ar-re dhry, but I'd break clown if I had to hand auny wan that much. ' I suppose th' cheque is good?' bays th' clargyman. ' 'Tis certyfied,' says th' weepin father. 'Do ye take this cheque,' says th' clargyman, ' to have a.v' to bold, until some wan parts ye fr'm , it?" he says. :I:I do,' says th' young man. ; " Thin," says th' clargyman, ' I see no r-reason why yo shudden't be married an' live comfortable,' he says, an' mnxrid they were, in th' same ol' foolish way that people's been marrid in i'r rinchrics. 'Tis a wondher to me till ceremony ain't changed. Th' time is comin'l Hinniasy, whin ir.illyoniures '11 not be : inarrid be Fat-ier Murphy, but be th' goy'nom ;iv th' Stock Exchange. They'll bo put • through th' clearin' house, me faith, an' securities '11 be issued be th' combination. Twinty-year. goold-socured, four percint bonds iv mathrimony ! Aha, 'tis a joke that Chansy Depoo ioight've mcd ! " Th' crowd outside waited, cheerin' an' i fight La' th' jj&ie. In this here land iv li- > bei-i-y an' akequality, Hinniesy, iv'ry man is j as good as iv'ry other man, except a polisj man, an' it showed how thrue th' people in ■ New York is to th' thraditions iv Jefferson j that divvle a wan iv tbiin'd move away till j th' ehoque'd been passed fr'm father to son, \ an' th' important part iv th' sacred ceremony ; was over. Thin a, few iv thim wint home j to cuk dinner f"r theii husJjards, wlio was i prcvinted be their jooties at th' gas bouee fr'm attindin' th' function. Th' r-rest remained an' see th' two gr-reat fortunes get into their can-edge, pursued be lh' guests, to tli' amount iv live hundhred millyons, ! peltin' tliim with beed pearls." "Sure," said Mi Hennessy, " mebbe 'twa.sn't ftS Lad as ti>' pa-apers let on. Ye cai/fc always thrust ibim." [ " Perhaps not," said Mr Dooley. " Th' j pa-apsr? sa,y, * Two gr-reat fortunes united,' j an' if that's it they didn't need th' services j iv a priest, but a lawyer an' a thrust comp'ny. ! Perhaps, with all th' certyfied cheques, 'twos I two rale people that was married, an' if that's j so, >t explains th' prisince iv Father Murphy." j —Chicago Jburur.l.