Nothing Like Simple Language.

Otago Witness, Issue 2368, 20 July 1899, Page 62

Nothing Like Simple Language.

} The other morning the professor left his houpo and started on foot for the library, where he wished to consult a treatise on Chaldean cryptograms. Befor he had gone , very far he came across o diminutive newsboy v ' in the act of smoking a corpulent black cigar i of deadly aspect. At this distressing sight the professor raised his hands in horror. " Oh, little fellow mortal," he exclaimed, " let me beg of you to cease without delay that most perniciouc practice. Do you not know that it is very wrong to smoke? In the first place it is wrong because the habit is diametrically opposed to that guiding rule of conduct which is the very foundation of ethics and which commands" us to curb the indul- . gence of every unnatural appetite. "In the second place, the progress of hygienic science lias clearly demonstrated thafa a sustained addiction to the nicotian weed is apt to bring about a derangement of the functions of the nervous system, which can only be described as appalling, and which must sooner or later inevitably disturb that harmonious equilibrium of our faculties which constitutes good health. j " Remember, little boy, our duty is not only , to ourselves, but to those who come after us. 1 a7or the sake of future generations remove, I beg of you, that noxious cigar from between yuur labia and crnssh it beneath the heel of the leathern casement which protects your pedal jxtremity." For some moments the newsboy gazed at the speaker in utter bewilderment. At last an idea of the professor's meaning flashed tcross his active mind. "Wot!" he ejaculated, " me give die prime Havana de trow-down, just to please youse? Ah, git orf deeart* !" I The professor's faco assumed an expression. '' of. genuine pity.

x . "Poor little .fledgeling intellect!" he ob--eerved. " How completely you diEclose,,yeuj:^ ignorance of the great facts of the xTriiverse, *nd of the laws oi cause and effect, which make us what we are. Your rcqiicM is .not only very rude, but absolutely impracticable. Is it possible you are not aware that matter is indestructible, and that, therefore, the molecules "of which our bodies are composed — each molecule consisting of^t. least -twc atoms — cannot by any human agency be dissolved or disintegrated? Apart from the principle of gravity, we learn from the kinetic theory of gases " But the newsboy had taken to his heels.