SOME WEDDING ODDITIES.

Otago Witness, Issue 2363, 8 June 1899, Page 56

SOME WEDDING ODDITIES.

BY A VICAR OF THE CHURCH OF

ENGLAND

There are few clergymen fend ministers who could not, out of their own experiences, narrate incidents which might appropriately be placed under the above heading ; for the exciting and nerve-upsetting circumstances of a wedding are apt to cause queer sayings and doings on the part of the principals engaged therein. In strict justice, it ought rather to be said, to one of the principals engaged therein, foi', in seven cases out of ten, the bride is the more selfpossessed of the two ; and, in not a fey instances, is cool enough to put her blund -i ing bridegroom right.

In these matter-of-facu days it is rare.io find the lady "dissolved in tears" or "covered with sweet confusion." But the bridegroom, poor fellow, is apt to lose his J>ea4 and become imhacihj for the fcime be-

ing — an assertion which will be resentftd by most married men who read it ; but their wives will, . in many cases, chuckle over recollections which bear out a declaration in which I am sure the majority of those whose office it is to help folk " to tie a knot with their tongues which can't be undone with their teeth " will coincide.

Sometimes, however, it is the lady who is lacking in readiness. One case which nearly ended in disaster occurs to me. The contracting parties presented themselves, accompanied by a small retinue, and in arranging the couple I committed the error of judging by appearances — which is always risky. One* of the females was clad in sombre garments, while another wag arrayed in conspicuously festive attire. Assuming that the latter was the bride, I directed her to take her place accordingly. All went merry as the proverbial " marriage bell," until the ceremony was somewhat advanced.

In response to the usual question, " Wilt tho\i have this woman?" etc, the bridegroom answered readily — even eagerly — and emphatically, "I will." But when the corresponding question was put to the woman at his side, she hesitated, looked confused — then alarmed ; and turning on the man a look which seemed to say, " Not at any price," she gasped out to me, " Please, sir, I'm not her !"

This was. disconcerting. Looking round I found that there appeared to be general consternation, and the afore-men-tioned soberly clad damsel wa« in tears and great agitation, as if her promised one were slipping from her grasp. So we began again. The bridegroom's complaisant acquiescence in my mistake reminded me of the alleged lesponse of a Lancashire bridegroom to " Wilt thou have this woman?" Said he, ruefully, " Ahm warned I must nah — but ilid rayther hey 'er sister." And I have «ften wondered what the wife in the above case afterwards said to her husband concerning his readiness to say " I will " of the wrong w nmaii.

Only once have I known a man's courage completely fail him just before his wedding, though I have met with one or two instances in which a change of miiid on the man's part has been declared during the ceremony — which thereby became abortive. En this case the happy" man had made arrangements up to the night before, providing carriageSj in due form. The lady and her friends were in attendance at the church punctually, but no bridegroom arrived.

After a painful delay, the party were asked into the vestry, where they could wait unobserved ; and a search party went off after the missing man, and another hour was spent- in vain expectation of his arrival. The would-be bride's distress was pitiful to witness, and the ' indignation of her relatives was unspeakable — except in the case of her sister, whose vocabulary- was singularly rich and forceful, while the manner in which her fingers were twitching boded ill for the luckless defaulter on their next meeting, if it should ever occur. About two j'ears afterwards it was with great satisfaction that I recognised the aforetime forsaken bride at a baptismal service, at which she appeared among the proud mothers — proudest ar the proudest. Like a sensible girl, she had banished all thought of the faithless one, and consoled herself with a better fellow. She smilingly said : " You remember when I- was here before, sir? It was a good thine for me that the other one never came. Truly, all's well that ends well.

A prudent man will make himself acquainted with the run of the service beforehand. If not, he is usually very much at sea, and comes to realise that, as* some wag long ago pointed out, the Marriage Service begins with " Dearly beloved " and ends with " amazement,"- and sometimes his blunders are funny indeed. Said an exultant young man on the morn of his wedding day, " Ah, I've got to the end of all my troubles now." " Humph !" responded an old bachelor who heard him, " which end do you mean?" Very frequently does the luckless wight, owing to nervousness or forgetfulness, find trouble of a sort at the very beginning — even before the service is over. In certain rural districts there are some subversions of words in the form of service which an experienced tier of the nuptial knot generally expects from uneducated persons. Amongst these may be instanced the substation of " I thee and thou " for " I thee endow." And one clergyman vouches for numerous cases of " love, cherries, and nobey," instead of love, cherish and obey." I have observed among the better educated classes that either innate gallantry or failure to pay attention almost invariably leads to the alteration, on the bridegroom's part, of " betwixt me and thee " into " betwixt thee and me," on the presentation of the ring. During an experience extending over a quarter of a century, I do not think that I have met a dozen men who got that little sentence exactly right. Of course, that is a trivial matter, but sometimes more serious, and at the same time more amusing mistakes are made.

Some persons seem to suppose that they are at liberty to improvise responses at their own sweet will, especially to the momentous question, "Wilt thou have this woman ?" or "This man?" as the case may be. As, foi example, the time-honoured " I came on purpose," which it is said a blushing bride declared, dropping an insinuating curtsey at the words. In this connection I may give the reply of, a sailor to a friend of mine, " Right y' are, guvnor, heave ahead.<' Even among those whe are desirous >f decorously following the order of words prescribed, failure of hearing or the agitation of the moment may lead to curious and ludicrous utterances.

Perhaps the most startling and laughterprovoking case which has come under my own notice occurred at a wedding which was being solemnised in a church where, according to law, the presence of the registrar was necessary, and in whose hearing a certain form of declaration must be spoken by the contracting parties. The declaration runs : " I call upon these persons here present tc witness that I, A.8., do take thee, CD., to be my lawful wedded wife." The 'forvenfc bride2room loudly v.iivifnra.Wl •

" I take thee to be jny h-awful wedded wife." The jfßciating minister paused, looked inquiringly and severely ta- the man ; then, thinking to himself, " Well, perhaps you're right," proceeded with the ceremony.If i the blunderer had made his mistake a little earlier in the service, when he had to declare that he knew of "no lawful imi pediment" to his marriage with the wo« fnan in question, one could have understood it— for surely any hindrance to a man's union with the woman of his choice might legitimately rank as " a " h-awful impediment." But to apply the epithet "h-awful' 4 to his bride was, to say the least of it, not politic in view of having to live with her.

The ring is often a source of difficulty and confusion, and it generally seems to be a load off the bridegroom's mind when, he has safely deposited it on the finger of his bride. Some men fumble with it from the commencement of the ceremony, offering it to the parson every moment. Others discover that they have forgotten to bring it, and a substitute has to be found — though I confess I have never known the church- door key to be. employed for the purpose, often as I have heard of its use. Now and then an extra clumsy bridegroom [."will drop the ring at the critical moment when it is required, necessitating a Ghase i and a search under matting, or hassocks, or seats. It is astonishing how far a ring will roll down an aisle (its speed generally accelerated by a blow from "the hand ' of the dropper as he frantically endeavours to grab it as it falls), and what unexpected divergences it will make in its erratic course, seeming to be possessed with the very spirit of mischief !

The first wedding at which the writer officiated, and at which he himself was by far the most nervous person present, afforded him an introduction to wedding oddities — a" strong-minded bride being the actor. At the conclusion of the ceremony the party went into the vestry to complete the formalities by signing the register. As soon as the last signature was appended, and before the bewildered husband could offer his ai*m to his newly-made wife, the latter loudly exclaimed : " I've heard that the one as is out first is allus goin' to be master, so here goes !" Out of the vestry door she darted, and rushed down the aisle, and out of the porch and into the street — to make quit© sure, it seemed, of being fully " out " — at a pace which defied successful pursuit on the part of her more slow-witted spouse, who followed in vain — urged thereto by his friends, especially by- his father, who appeared to have considerable faith in the bride's view of the situation. And, indeed, one would be inclined to venture the opinion that, in this particular' cose, ,the popular belief of the. locality would be likely to find verification. The bride wai undoubtedly " out first," and, judging from her promptitude and determined attitude, there was as little doubt that she would be master in that household.

Verily, marriage is a serious matter ; but many are the vagaries and oddities manifested by many who are entering the " holy estate," affording amusement to the onlookers.