Passing Notes.

Otago Witness, Issue 2359, 11 May 1899, Page 3

Passing Notes.

(From Saturday's Daily Times.)

Last week, for reasons I then assigned, I was disposed to think Mr Scobie Mackenzie's bombardment of Sedd-misin more or less v.-asled — so much good shooting thrown away. But, by the stir hi the enemy's camp, I now see that Scobie must have got in a live f.hell or two where they were particularly unwelcome. The Hon. Twomey and the Hon. Lee Smith, under .obligation for favours received, and a host •of nameless myrmidons, hungry for favours deferred, have been blazing away wildly .ever sinee — to no purpo.se on earth, except ■to show how badly their nerves have been •shaken. But I had better drop this military metaphor — which, anyhow, would become unmanageable presently — in order that I may tender, in words simple and sincere, my commiserations to llc-srs Lee Smith •and Twomey. Mr Seddon has made them " Honourables," and has presented them each with £150 a year. They were lionouiable men before, I doubt, nut ; and honourable men they doubtless still remain. It is for that reason that J commiserate them. The dirty job of washing up after Mr Seddon should have been for other hands than theirs. I know men — " honourables," too — and could-name them, to whom a duty of this nature, when it falls to their turn, is also a delight ; they are to the manner born. Just now it falls to the turn of Messrs Lee Smith and Twomey. They are among the latest Seddon-made " Honourables," and must show themselves grateful. But I pay them the compliment of believing that they are not to the manner born, i Mr Lee Smith attempts a little honest thimble-rigging with Scobie Mackenzie's figures. Now thimble-rigging is not an honest game; an honest man is bound to fumble it. And fumble it Mr Lee Smith does, as an honest man should. Mr Twomey, less fortunate, essays to whitewash the Jones-cum-Hall- Jones Seddon-cum-Allman scandal. Brush in hand, struggling to lay on his pigment where it won't stick, succeeding only in splashing hif- own person, Mr Twomey makes a forlorn and pathetic figure. As for the hungry pack whose yawp is that " there is not a single charge of corruption that has ever been made against the -Ministry which has not been triumphantly refuted,"' perhaps Mr Seddon will fling them a gobbet or two by and by. But there cannot be enough for all. It is precisely this kennel of ravenou-- <t<uvc.iiii_'^ lint in l' 1^ CvL will tear him .!> piece - We seuin to ha\i conic to . ii T:u;r•Jaudiiijtj about ftuutk African aiUut. wnii

Germany, and to have arrived at an actual agreement with Russia — an agreement sealed, signed, and delivered — about affairs in China. Thanks^ to Fashoda! Thanks to Kitchener and Omdurman. Thanks to the straightness of John Bull's back, the squareness of his shoulders, the reach and the readiness of his own strong ripfht arm. Russia and Germany are of opinion that the race is to the swift, and the battle to the strong. In their view the time when the meek shall inherit the earth is not vet. And so long as we gave them only good words they laid the keels of new warships, conscripted new battalions, backed up France and encouraged President Kruger. While we spake to them of peace they made themselves ready for battle. That was yesterday. To-day we can get " understandings " and " agreements " ; France is invited to a "-disarmament conference "' and President Kruger admonished to agree with his adversary whilst he is' in the way with him, lest a worse thing befall. We owe these mercies to Providence, no doubt ; but Providence has merely pursued its usual policy of helping those who help themselves. Next to Providence, I make mention of Kipling and of Kitchener, the man of the pen as well as the man of the sword. If there had been no Kipling depend upon it there would have been no Kitchener. At ,this moment Russia would have been in Pekin, France on the Upper Nile, whilst President Kruger would have been stiffening his neck and hardening his heart under encouragement by Imperial telegrams from Berlin and German marines kindly loaned from warships on the coast. Britain, just now, i,s " The Shrp that Found Herself," and no one known to me has helped so much to this timely selfdiscovery as the author of " Barrack-room Ballads" and "Soldiers Three."

" One lady attacked the marriage ceremony, and Her paper was the sensation of the session." Thus the Auckland correspondent of the Daily Times, commenting on the proceedings of the National Council of Women. He omits to mention the lady's name ; but that is unimportant. If not a Mrs, she must have been a Miss ; in either case it may justly be doubted whether the marriage ceremony ever did her any harm. Let us suppose her a Miss ; then she is in the case of Artemus Waid when his life was saved at the Battle of Inkermar.n. His life was saved by his not bein:: there. On the other hand if the lady who attacked the marriage ceremony was" a Mrs, I should like to know what particular disasters in her domestic history she attributes to defects in the ceremony by which it was begun." Ceremony varies ; there are half a dozen different ways of committing' matrimony. There is jumping over a broom-stick ; next to which for simplicity and cheapness is an American process largely imitated amongst ourselves : " Jine hands. Spliced. Two dollars. Next." There fs marriage by civil contract, sanctified by a Government official benediction in the form of a curt demand for £3 3s 6d ; and there is marriage under ecclesiastical sanctions, with banns, license, incense, candles, and '' The Voice that breathed o'er Eden." Which of these " ceremonies " is it that the lady mutineer attacked? As far as my observation goes, any one or all of them may conduct to the .Divorce Court. Shying the crockery at each other and calling in the police may follow any known form of nuptial rite. What is wanted in such cases, I should fancy, is not so much a reform of the marriage ceremony as a reform of the parties to it. | | " I can't quite agree with you," said Mi's C. , to whom, as being an expert in matters matrimonial, I had submitted the above Note. "I don't in the least agree with you ; the marriage ceremony ought to be reformed." "As how?" I asked. "Well, why shouldn't the man be 'given away' as much as the woman?" "He generally is ! — quite as much and more so ! " said I, sotto voce : — but she proceeded : " And why should the woman be required to obey? She isn't a bond servant. Let there be equality ! " " Obedience on both sides!" said I, satirically: — ".but we've heard all that nonsense before. You should remember what the sagacious Dogberry says, 'An two men ride of a horse, one must ride behind.'" "I was not aware ' that Dogberry was an authority on the sub]>il." ;u- leplied. loftily; "nor was I talking .'Mjut horses; I understood that v.v u.tv discussing the ceremony of marri-p-zc. 'So we were, and so we are," said , I;, "bub surely, one may introduce sxu

analogy. However, go ahead; you were saying — ?" " I was saying that a woman, when she marries ought not to be ' given '; away* like a chattel that changes owners ; that she ought not to be made to promise obedience ; and, I was going on to say, that she ought not to be subjected to the humiliation by putting on a ring ; which is a sign of servitude." "Excuse me," said I, "ib is a symbol of eternity — eternal affection, you know ; but, goodness gracious ! to think of the money I wasted in decorating your fingers, and all for no thanks ! I shall know better another time ! " This was an awful slip, and I gave myself up for lost She magnanimously affected not to notice it ; but my nerve was gone, and from that point I floundered hopelessly. " I see how it is," said I, resuming, with the pretence of a counfge that I did not feel — *" you have been saturating your mind with the doctrines of that synagogue of mutinous wives and soured old maids, the self-elected Petticoat Parliament in Auckland "' " Abuse is no argument," she interposed, coldly; — "I might as properly talk of a Breeches Parliament." "Fie! Maria,". I exclaimed, affecting to rally her and get the laugh on my side — "fie on j-ou for mentioning such a thing ! Although, as it happens, there was once a Breeches Parliament, — or was it a Breeches Bible? I remember now !— it is ' Barebones Parliament and ' Breeches Bible.' Natural association of ideas, you see ! But that's not the point, of course. What I meant " — said I, faltering under the steadiness of her stony gaze. — •' what I was going to say was — as the poet says : To man, God's universal law Gave power to keep the wife in awe " Pardon me," she interrupted, " your brain seems hardly equal to argument this morning. Touch the bell, please ; I have some directions for the kitchen. And just

run upstairs and bring down that book I'm reading. And — before you go out — there's a parcel I want you to take to the dressmaker's ; it will go into your coat pocket. And you can leave an order at^ the butcher's. And "don't forget to inquire whether my hicycle is mended ; I mu&t have it to-mor-row. That's all, I think. Please shut the door after you. And don't wake. the baby !" Thus ended a most disastrous debate ; morally, I was hustled out of mv own room. The right was on my side, and the best of the argument ; but a wife can always get the whip hand if she wants to. And yet she will complain of being compelled to " love, honour, and obey " ! | Mr Rayner, of " Sketcher " notoriety, has been receiving a lesson in the ethics of caricature. He informs the- public by advertisement, presumably at his own expense, that he tenders to Miss H. R. Morrison his "humble apologies" for a "sketch and relative letterpress" that he \ud pub- J lished to that lady's annoyance — her " puin and worry," as he sympathetically puts it— and he announces * that he " entirely withdraws the matter complained of." On the other hand Miss Morrison, I suppose, placated by this licking of the dust, entiiely withdraws her threatened action for libel. I am inclined to regret, it. For reasons purely at-sthetic and ethical I should have preferred that Miss Morrison stood to her guns. A libel action, Morrison- versusRayner, on the criminal side of the court, with Mr J. F. M. Fraser as Crown prosecutor, would have been an interesting and instructive event. As it is Mr Rayner merely pays for his lesson and retires to digest it at his leisure. Though unpalatable \ii us hope that it may prove .salutary, j Caricature of politicians and other public I men, as in " Punch " and his imitators, is 1 one thing ; caricature of private citizens and citizenesses, the misrepresenting of their phizes, the slandering of their lives by venomous innuendo, is another thing, and Mr Rayner will perhaps in the future be able to distinguish between them. Political caricature, as in " Punch " — or, .let us say, as in Passing Notes — is a recognised form of political argument. Nobody is hurt ; the victims themselves are believed to like it. Mr Gladstone papered a room with caricatures of himself; and I daresay that Sir Robert Stout. John M'Kenzie, and other New Zealand celebrities to whom from time to time I have given my attention possess and cherish a copious anthology gathered from this column. The case is different when private persons, who seek no sort of publicity, are held up to ridicule. Also it is ill getting a living by making oneself disagreeable to other people. Henceforth this sort of thing will probably be rarer.