His Own Handiwork.

Otago Witness, Issue 2358, 4 May 1899, Page 60

His Own Handiwork.

A travelling auctioneer of the " Cheap Jack " order, in the course of a short stay in a north country mining village, announced his intention of giving on the Friday evening, an eight-day clock to the possessor of the ugliest nose. An Irishman who worked in one of the pits, and whose features, according to his own account, " constituted an oflince to the landscape," made no secret of the fact that he intended to carry off the prize.

On the Thiusday prior to the competition the Irishman had a little difference with one of his mates, and a fight ensued. It was rather one-sided, as Pat was a born boxer, and his opponent had soon had enough. The following night Pat stepped on the Cheap Jack's platform to claim the clock. He cosily beat the other claimants, and the auctioneer was about to make the award when a late competitor arrived in the person of Pat's opponent of the previous day. The newcomer's na^al organ was a pielure. Cut, scarred, and swollen to twice its normal size, it carried all before it, and Pal had the mortification of being beaten by what he described, and truthfully* as hib " own handiwork."

"Be jabbers!" he mutteicd as he elbowed his way to the door, " Oi always sid Bob was a dape wan, but Oi niver thought he would woivlc a plant loike thai. lie must have wanted the clock badly, but ay Oi'd 'aye known Oi'd have knocked his nose off altogether whoile Oi was about it. The thafe, to git me to help him win the clock !"