COSY CORNER CLUB.

Otago Witness, Issue 2355, 13 April 1899, Page 50

COSY CORNER CLUB.

SEVENTH MEETING. E.ULES.

1. Meet on the first Thursday in each month. 2. Contributions to be in 14 days before. 3. All readers of the Witness Ladies' Pag* eligible as members. a. Contributions not to exceed 260 words. Must be legibly written in ink 'on one aide of tho paper, and must be accompanied by real name and address— not for publication, but simply as a proof of good faith — as well as oy norn de plume.

5. The fubjectß 'or the following twp months will be given at each meeting, and members specially anxious to discuss any topic are invited to send in any suggestion to " Ernmeline,"who will be very pleased to consider their wishes, provided always the subject is one of general interest to women.

" Emmeline," in publishing the rules o£ the club atoia, ad^iaea members to. cut Ovum, go&

«nd keep them for future reference; especially she draws attention to the latter part of rule

TOPIC.

What, in your opinion, is the reason thai young men of the middle and upper classes show such a .disinclination to marriage? Does the fault lie with them or with the girls <5f their acquaintance ?

My Dear Comrades, — There is a most .■wonderful unanimity displayed in the opinions expressed by our various members to-day : so much so indeed that it •will be better fox me to depart a little from the usual order of our meetings. Where the majority of opinions are so similar, it would be almost impossible for me to comment on each one without great sameness on my part. T have therefore brisfly embodied my views and comments in a collected form, merely saying that the amount of good sense displayed by members on this topic augurs brightly for the bringing up of at least a fair proportion of future husbands and wives !

Before laying our contributions before you, I must ask you to join me in giving a warm welcome to five new members, "Rowan Tree," "Don," "Sardonyx," "Dolores,"' and "Rosalie"; whose co:i!i»biitJO}J3 are all to the point., sensible, and praclioa?,. and whose respective opinions I hope v:e Bhall hear again on many a topic.

'Next month's topic will appeal more exclusively to those who have leisure and a library, that is so for as contributing goes, but not in reading and interest, for it is in topics of this sort that our country members eagerly look for much pleasant and profitable information from those more fortunately placed with regard to libraries and reading. Let me therefore specially ask such members as :an respond to next month's topic to do so — giving us their very> best, and the result will be worthy ©rth.r<c.c.a

Dear Bwineline, — It is with great pleasuro I meet you at this meeting of- your Cosy Corner Club. I have never ventured to join you before, for my home is in the country, and most of the topics before discupsed re books and author*, and co on, were a little " beyond my ken." However, I would like to haTe my little say this time if you will have me in- your club.

Now it eoems to me that it has become a prevalent sentiment that a man must acquire a fortune before he marries, that the wife must have no sympathy or share in the pursuit of it, in which, I think, a good deal of the pleasure would truly consist, and the young married couple must set out with as large and expensive an establishment as beccmiiig to those who have been married 20 years. This is /cry unhappy, for it fills our community with bachelors, who in waiting to make their fortune are endangering virtue, promoting" vice, besides causing inefficiency among girls who are expecting to be taken up by fortune, and passively sustained without any care or concern on their part. On the other hand, I have been in the homes of young couples who, within two or three years, without any sources but their own industry and knowledge, hate joined heart and hand together and engaged to share the responsibilities, duties, interests, trials, and -sorrows of life. That young wife is cheerfully employed, with her own hands often, in putting her houRO in order, preparing dinner, mending, and co on, and everything is ready to welcome the happiest of husbands as he comes from his toil, whether on farm or in office, to enjoy the sweets of his little paradise. This is true domestic pleasure, for here is health, contentment, and above all, love.

Then, again, we hoar the cry that the girls are too extravagant, but the fault does not lie altogether with the girls. The young men, in the first place, admire the elegant costumes ill which the ladies appear, and do not hesitate to express their approval. Now, what is the natural tendency of all this?

Again, many young men are too proud themselves to commence their married life in a. quiet and economical way, and they will not marry till they can continue all their own private luxuries and eupport a wife in style. To me, then, tho difficulty is not altogether on one side ; but if both men and women ■would be true to the best feelings of their hearts and more careless of what the world ■will say, then pure and happy homes would bo morn abundant. This single state of affairs is unfortunate for both. It leaves ■woman without a home, protection, or support. She needs the strength and courage of man, while ho requires- her sympathy, cheerfulness, and consolation. Young men, too, need the influences of home and of a pure minded woman ; but as it is now, a man commences the battle of life without all these, and after years of arduous toil, when the conflict is over and the victory won, then he " can. take unto himself a wife." Oh, that the girls would be true to themselves — study to be Tnore_ like a "helpmeet," and not consider matrimony from a worldly point of view alone, then they might reasonably hope to be the eharer of another's joy in that most endearing of all .human relations.

Yours, with good wishes for tho succe.as of the club's meetings, ROWAN TREE. Dear Emmeline, — Our subject for discussion this month is simply a variation of the pathetic question asked by the maiden in a wellknown ballad of I-don't-know-how-many years ago — "Why don't the men propose, mamma, ■why don't the men propose? " So it would appear that the disinclination of young men of tho middle and upper class to matrimony is not merely a fin-de-siecle mushroom growth, tms a recogni^d phenomenon of many years' standing. Now I am inclined to think that the sterner sex are not altogether to blame for the infrequent appearance of Hymen "in eaffron robe with taper clear," as it must bo disgusting for an eligible parti to watch the manoeuvres of artless (?) maidens and their match-making mammas to induce him to enter the state of conjugal felicity. Is it surprising -that he prefers to retain his freedom and remain in a state of single blessedness? Thackeray makes even some of his beßt feminine characters inveterate match-makers. As ho' had a profound knowledge of human nature, I -am prepared to accept his dictum and believe that all women are match-makers at heart.

To return to my subject, I think it is little to be wondered at that an ordinary man shrinks from the ordeal of a fashionable wedding, where the bride, the admired of all beholders, is supported by numerous bridesmaids and pageb, and the bridegroom is a mere Jionentity, "a peg to hang clothes on,"_ The growth of club life is in my opinioa tftumical to marriage. A man, or woman either, for that matter, c;ui enjoy every comJort, every luxury at hie clvb — literature, and b^t, 'but not least, tho best of

point and probably require ''boiling down." If so, please, do it for me, Emmeline. INCONNU.

Dear Emmeline, — " What is your opinion?" Well, the first feeling I experience, notwithstanding we arc invited to do so, is that a bachelor needs great cheek to even think tha truth, not to spcs;k of writing publicly what his opinion mcy be on this subject. Uowever, a start must be made. Amputating arms and legs must be an unpleasant duty to the poor surgeon on a battlofield, but it would never do for him to stop and think about the feelings of the unfortunates. So, like him, my intentions are not to hurt but to do good. In one of his up-country addresses the Premier referred very seriously to this matter, and warned us as a nation to look at tho present downward march of France as an example caused through the falling off of the manage and birth rate. He ventured not an opinion, but wisely said, "I merely draw your attention to the matter and leave it there." In his opinion it must be a serious subject, but I cannot quite feel that way about it, for the conclusion I have come to thousands of times during the last 20 years is that I really don't know what the rising generation will find to do when it now seems a perfect struggle with the great majority to solve the greatest problem of life — i.e., "make ends meet." To read the accounts of the gay dresses every week in the Witness, tho expensive and extensive dinner, tea, and garden parties, even in little and young Dunedin, to think of the small salaries of the hundreds of clerks — the ordinary expenses even of an ordinary house and the style our girls are keeping up are quite enough to frighten a bachelor who hath not some windfall in prospect. Yet, the fault really lies with the mothers and the girls, and until mothers display more sense there's no uso hoping for the girls to-be otherwise. I often think of the lesson to be learnt from our Queen and Prince Albert. How they retired to their country seat and there taught their children to bake, make butter, and take same to the poor , bow they made trained nurses — in fact did what every sensible mother and father should do. Again, our beautiful Princ«ss of "Wales would not allow her Jau!?kt6n to wear jewellery, and obliged them ,to carry home thtir own little parcel* ! I

blautc, because when they have good positions they have a show to mairy any time if they lite, whereas often the women don't get the chance to marry. I know plenty of men of the middle class who are in good positions and seem to have no' intention of marrying. It looks as though they thought the girls not good enough, or else they are too mean to share hn'f with a woman, or perhaps the giyls won't have them. Or is it that they thiiik' marriage is a failure, or are frightened of the "New Woman?" The girls may be aiming at being " new women," and think if thoy were inairied their chnncos would be loat.-

Bui how it is that the common class are moto ready to ge,t married than tlie upper ten J cannot understand. All that stops them generally is the want of money, and if they are married and comfortably off they Beem to have more happiness than whors there is too much money. If men and women wait to make a grand wedding (often without love) then there is no happiness. .She will tell him lie married her for her position, and when it if on his side it is just the sama. What is life then? How much belter if thej had not had so much pride, and have married in thoir own station of life. I think flirting in one thing against marrage too. A lot of girls and young men think it is something clever to be a flirl , and cannot settle down to one love, so go on until they are too old to flirt any more and are left without anyone. EARNSCLEUGH. Dear Emmeline, — Although I have read all the contributions to your Cosy Corner Club with great interest, this is the first time I have ventured to write, myself. I have often been the recipient of confidences from various of my bachelor friends, young and old, and it is on these remarks that my opinions of the subject in question are chiefly based. To begin with, as a general rule 1 think that the fault of the increasing scarcity of marriages among the upper and middle classes lies with the fair sex. Quite recently, a bachelor friend of mine, whom I have known from a child, ar.d who is a familiar figure m social circles in one of our largest towns, informed me with a disgusted air that most of the girls in his set considered housework as quite beneath their notice. If this remark be true/ as I am sjraid it often is, it makes

'xhi= iuiluenccs of powerful frier.os n*ay secure ■a. position to tho young man. of the upper ranks to begin with, but 'only real ability will keep him in -it, prevent him seeing others more competent than he stepping over his head, and carrying off the good things he had hoped were lo be his. In consequence of. the supply of educated young men thus outi ut;nin<j the demand salaries .remain small, and the expenses of a young man in good society are heavy, ne has many invitations to balls, parties, and weddings. Dross suits are expensive, and so are wedding presents'. Living among wealthy people he naturally lives like them, and saving any part ot his Biimll income is out of the question. Meanwhile Low are the girle destined to be the wives of these young ir.en spending their time? In your own columns I read that on a Tuesday Mrs A. gave a delightful "At Home." .On Wednesday Mrs B. gave a most enjoyable dance. . . . On Wednesday Miss C. entertained her girl friends. . . . On Thursday Mrs D. in\ ited her friends to her daughter's wedding. . . And so on. Look down Iho columns and you will see the names of the very same girls at each and all of these functions, attired in smart tailormade dresses, in satin, silk, or chiffon, as the case may be. I do not &ay they are wroug. Theiu parents presumably have money and like them to »pend it. But wh«i« will you find the young men brave enough to ask one of these girls to leave all this luxury aid share with him a tiny home on £150 or £200 a year? > Perhaps the girl vs longing to be asked, and would willingly vfwe U p ruucii for love's sweet sake, but T thinl- hiu unwillingness to accept the swriftce doen him honour. Occasionally »nol» j», rnarriag* d^es take plac-, and thon, I must admit. '. an» sorry for the girl. "' Of course they will uot be able to keep & servant," gossips your visitor over W dainty teacup. " What of that?" you reply. '" There ara thousands of work ing msnV wives in the same case." Ye*, but the working 'nan's wife has been used to haxd »/ork sine« childhood ; and beaide«, .'«}*• ow« and her husband's .needs ar« simpler and their belongings fewer. Th© very c.vro of all these lovely presents that made such a brave show at the wedding, and such an imposing list in Emmeline's page, involves no small amount of labour. And what of his shore in the self-denial co muck of which would be ra-

quired on both sides? Will he gladly wear a shabby coat that she may have her nevr dress, and black his own boots to save the pretty hands he admires so much just now? Alos, no! The 'rresponsible bachelor lifs is very pleasant. There are so many pretty girls and they are all so jolly; but they don't make half so much of a fellow once he. is married. After all, does it matter much? A happy marriage is doubtless the mo3t blessed state on God's earth, but many marriages are far fromhappj* Suppose that on sriine future occasion, for. the encouragement of. those *f our sisters who are beginning to despair of the coning of their own particular Priuoe CharniKig, wo discuss the '• Advantages of » Single Life."

COUNTRY MOUSE. Dear Emmeline, — Seeing that our Creato? made man first, and intended him to be the protector of woman, his future partner in life, that woman was no less made for the man, to be his friend and companion to b& cared for by him, therefore both have their respective responsibility in adding to each, other's happiness. Woman can do much to •influence << man's- life, for good or for orril, and can do much to add to his welfare and happiness by her loyalt" and devotion to her own special calling.

It therefore behoves woman to make her home beautiful and attractive, by filling it with the sunshine of her attachment, love, and sweetest sympathy, giving it a magnetism which draws tho heart of man to yearn for home, feeling in it a haven of rest which everybody' has a natural longing for.

What I think is the reason why young meu do not seem to caro to marry is because many have not the means to do so, some are much given to vanity and amusements, and others expend all their income on self-indulgence. Then of the girls of their acquaintan'there is much that could be improved. There are many who are vain and frivolous and art extravagant in their modes ot dress. Of course there are many exceptions to tt« above-mentioned details. And in closing 1 say in my opinion that the fault assuredly lie« with both sexe«. Dear Emmeline, — That young men vi th: upper and middle classes do show a decided disinclination to marriage is a fact too evident to be altogether ignored, and 1 am eagerly looking- forward to seeing the opinions of your correspondents on this subject. My own idea is that the blamo must be shared by both' men and women of our day, for among them the prevailing notion seemc to be that marriage is impossible unless the new life together can bo begun in a style equal to that in which their fathers and mothoru find thomsolves after years of patient toil and saving. Tiie days when for girls marriage was looked forward to as the only aim in life are past ; and we find them to-day earning 'comfort and independence for themselves. All honour to those who do so I- But within the circle of my own acquaintances I have known of two or three cases where girls have refused offers of marriage because they could not hope to enter a home so luxurious ai. that' which -.they must ' leave, and this is what keops many a young 'man from seeking the society of, her whom he would fain see mistress of his, heart and home. But on the other hand the tasles and extravagances of many of our young .men are a serious hindrance to marriage. In towns particularly, how many of them do we see Hying to the full extent of their salaries, with no thought of providing for a home for the future. Far am I from advocating marriage with little or nolhing coming in to keep the home life comfortable, but I do think that if our young people were more determined to be rcstfully happy in tho love each bore llio other and more content to build up their homes instead of expecting to start supplied with all luxuries, we might see a great many more households set up to be a joy to themselves and a help to all those among whom they may be placed. ROSALIE. Dear Emmeline, — The topic this lime should be a very interesting one to women. Bui. I hope .that a number, of men. will give their opinions also, for we do not all see a. thing fioni the same point of view. I give mine for what it is worth.

Without the slightest hesitation T answer the fault is with the young men and not with tho girls of their acquaintance. That is very clear to mo, and selfishness is the cause of it. I know my opinion will not carry much weight, but like others I may havo my opinion providing I am able to back it up with certain facts. Not so much facts that I read about, but facts that my own observation and experience daily teach me, and it would bo very hard to alter the opinion I have formed in the above way. because I believe it to be the truth. I' once heard a. gentleman say " that the reason why Adam called his helpmate woman was because hefelt that she was wooing him-" And I am sure, doar madam, that you and all women members of tho C.C.C. will agree with mewhen I say that the young men of the present clay feel that woman is wooing them now jufct a« much as in the days of Adam. It's true there are exceptions. There are young men and old bachelors who have been disappointed and soured to such an extent that marriage has no , charm for them, and only a good and wise woman can gain their confidence again. There are also thope who may have pome noble unselfish purpose in view for which they are labouring, in which case marriage might be a hindrance to them But there are exceptions. The rule is that the majority of young men show a disinclination to marriage, yet it is not for the want of the young men being attracted by the young women. In every clime the needle turns to the n.*th, and so do man's affections turn to woman. • But marriage? The young men stop short of that, because as a rule they can acquirethe conveniences of married life without itsresponsibilities. That is » grave charge bufc a true one.

it is the surface life that wo see of each other; the inner life God only knows. Thesame may be said of society. With education, science, and art, we are able to make a good show outwardly,' bur there is decay within, one of the signs of which is that theyoung men show a disinclination lo marriage. I know other .arguments will be brought forward on behalf of the young men, and they may have a degree of weight, such as the want of means, nc settled income, circumstances not favouring marriage, the number of failures or unhappy marriages. But thoy are all weak compared with the former, it ■ the disinclination to marriage that tolls against young men. They are not willmj, not anxious, not ambitiou* to (f«t » borne, to marry and bcUIo down, ibeltfcr and comforfc each man hi* ovrn wi/a. When they are wii

cookery. The latter appeals very strongly to any man, for — Hg may live without hope, what is hope but deceiving ? He may live without books, what? is knowledge, but grieving? He may live without love, what is passion but

pining? But where -is the man that can live without dining ?

Yours sincerely,

Dear Emmeline, — I fancy the reason that young men in the middle and upper classes show such a disinclination to marry is that they see they cannot afford to do so. Ido not consider the fault lies altogether with themselves or altogether with the girls of their acquaintance, but with the conditions of society. No parents wish to part with their daughter unlesß they think that she is going to a good home, or better than they can give her. The girl on her part naturally looks forward to continuing her " society " pleasures, and even intensifying them when she onsets the role of hostess herself.

Society lifa cannot be lived upon a clcrk'e salary without the liver becoming more or less involved in that quagmire " debt." Many young men (I think) wisely foresee this disaster, and refuse to wilfully hang this millatone around their neck 3.

By this I do not mean to imply that two pe-. pie cannot live and bring up a small family upon a. very small income — say £180 to £300. And if of refined taste they may give evidence of it even upon this modest annual income, both in the appointment of their home and also of their person. But to do so they must koep a strict watch over themselves in the matter of small personal' extra valances and leave a very small margin for " theatre, i>ar-t:r-e," etc.

It is seldom you find young people of either •66x in society prepared to marry and take up life on these lines. I fear I have deviated slightly from the

always think girls ca« oasily be ladies and work also, and bo better iv health and be much happier into the bargain. We want womanly girls, xwt " giggJing toys '' dressed like fairies und requiring a bank to keep them like hothouse plants. Of one thing girls may be assured — i.e., that 'we bachelorß desire as ardently the companionship-** amiable, domesticated, and sensible women act the fair sex do matrimony. Some years ago I listened to Mm Dr PotU, •who said th<? men folk should meet and swear off marrying any lady wearing the much cundfonned corset, and on the other hand tho girls should steer clear of young men smoking or drinking. A -big order both Ways, I fancy, but T feel certain that if there were schools wherein ladies might take theii degrees of efficiency in all kinds of housekeeping, butter and cheese making — everything, in fact, down to eick nursing, thai faster ihpn ihev could bo trainer! such jrir's would be literally pounced upon. There ■would ba no need then for such talk as a bachelor's tax. Do, dear Sirsmeline, on every opportunity advocate evorylhiug womanly, such es cooking, nursing, early rising, exercise, eveiy thing, in fact, to make women developed physically and mentally, and then, and then only will bachelors do without the slightest hesitation what is pretty nearly a dread to them at present. DON.

Dear Emmeline.- -I should liko lo give, you my views on your present topic but I should be better able to write if I could blame oiio side more than the other; but I blnme both The man thinks the women of his claps are not good enough ; he is always waiting for someone higher in life, and the women are the same: ahvayp looking- out to make a belter match than tfcolr present position. Tlioy wait, and wivit. and iv tho evd a> - o loft old mauls and bachelors, still living in hope, but really sorry they did not take the chances they might have had once, and they would be glad of now. I believe the men are more to

one feel sad to think that girls h-- society are often occupied with so much higher education, or more often with useless frivolities, that they daily pass by the sweet if humble domestic duties in their own homes.

Another reason which I think makes our young men somewhat eddicted to the joys of single blessedness is the extravagant tastes for drosn which are apparent in so many daughters of ihe upper and middle classes. Many a man has been known to remark, vhen speaking of the girls of certain wealthy families, that it would take a fortune to keep these fair ladies in pin money. The toilettes often worn by young ladies on the streets of some of our large cities are such as would only be considered fcuitable for carriage in London. In my humble opinion these are a few reasons as lo the disinclination to marriage of men of the present day. Of course there arc, and always will be, confirmed buhelors, who aie too wedded to the joys of some particular scienoo or hobby to wish to disturb their liberty b" tiikini? a wife. — Yours truly. " * DOLORES.

Dear Emmeline, — I \va3 sorry that want, of time prevented mo writing last month, but '' Alpha" expressed the sentiments I had been revolving in my mind so exactly and bo much better than I could have done myself, that :v contribution from me would not ba missed

In rogard to the indiclment brought against, our young men, my first thought was, "Is it true, or true to any serious extent? " Weddings seem to be pretty frequent, and I eanhot think of many single women who are not so either from choice or because they have failed to be asked by the right man. But granting that there i« p cerl?in amount of truth in the charge, I think one reason at Jens'; L- not far to seek. In these days of universal education competition for she prizes of professional and commercial life has*" nerome very keen, and the best men come to the front irrespective of social position.

'Sing to marry they will find a way to do 'So: But so long as they choose other indulgences, I am afraid that many of our best young women will have to choose the best of other evils, namely, to be old maids. There are far and away more good women than there are good men, and as far as my observation goes the young women of my acquaintar.ee are living higher lives and are snore deserving of good husbands than the men of my acquaintance are deserving of good syives. INTERESTED. • • * . » Dear Emmeline, — When a man has passed "to, certain age and has never married, his friends say that he can't afford it, or that he is selfish and won't afford it, or that he is a confirmed misogynist. It is with the two . first charges I propose to deal, the third I allow to pass in silence. One point is unanimously agreed upon, namely, that on the one hand there is no lack of marriageable girls, and on the other i there is a lamentable dearth of eligible young j men. _, What despairing hostess will not bear me j out in this when the evening of her dance j comes round, and she sees an almost un- j limited number of girls, pretty, young, well j dressed, accomplished, and amusing — but the | men ! where are they? As far as numbers go : . then the fault does not lie with the girls. ; The "can't afford it" plea is very general . among men when taxed with the question j "why don't you marry?" and the women j are responsible for this as well as the men. | A man naturally hesitates to propose to a girl when he is quite unable to- offer her a home and position somewhere approaching to her present one, and on the girl's sido ; pride prevents her from encouraging a mail's j advances when she knows that by marrying • , him she forfeits a goodly number of her present luxuries. Men and women alike refuse to marry under the tame circumstances as their parents did, and unless they hit on a royal road to riches they seem to prefer to remain un- . married. j But setting aside this aspect of the pro- I blem let us take the second case — the men . of the moneyed cla6s who show such a de- | cided disinclination to marry. At this point I cannot do better than quote from a recent magazine giving a lively description of the ( luxurious bachelors of modem New York, • who have evidently solved the problem of j how to be happy though unmarried : — " A quarter of a century ago bachelordom was regarded merely as a temporary condition like convalescence aftois measles, whereas now it is the choice of a lifetime. In earlier days .the bachelor "existed" in a boardinghouse; Vaited on by a designing widow and her Irish" ser^nt, and constantly worried by wobbly chairs and tables, xintil in desperation he married the landlady's daughter and fled to ills he knew not of. But his woes have now enlisted the sympathies of capitalists, and ho emerges into a glorified state of existence, furnishing his own rooms and indulging freely in all his finicking fancies. - In short,' the former 'hapless bachelor is \ * transformed, and we can only hope that the j . wedded American who "reads this article will . not regret having shut himself out from a j life of such gorgeous solitude." j Then again there is no feature of the present day so marked as the variety of amusement and entertainment offered. Variety and novelty haviDg become a necessity they have undoubtedly helped largely to dissuade ■ men from marrying. Men. see no induce- j mont to marry, rather the reverse, for in I spite of all that money can do their lives "^ would have to revolve in a groove more or less narrow, and to men who have hitherto j ever sought eagerly after " something new " the married state looms* dull and monotonous as something to be carefully avoided. Evidently then there is something wrong with our fin-de-siecle social machinery ; there is too much excitement and strain, too much • struggling for effect, too little leisure left j to devote to the cultivation of honest friend- ; ship or sincere love. Artificiality is the bane of our social existence, and before ■ we can find the solution of the problem at present under our notice mankind will have to return to a simpler mode of life and a truer code of ethics. EUPHEMIA. Dear Emmeline, — I was very sorry I had to forego the pleasure of meeting with the C.C. Club last mouth. It was not want of inclination, but stress of business that prevented me but I was glad to see that my favourite author (Dickens) did not lose glory by my absence. As for the marriage question I do not know much about it. I asked come of my friends : one said ho thought it was the extravagance "of the age. The young people want to start in the same position as that in which their parents are ending, not considering all the toil and celf-denial it took to bring them to that position. Many of the young men spend so much in drink and tobacco and other selfgratifications that they are never in a position to marry. Another friend thought it was the difficulty of getting in- j timately acquainted. There seems to be a great stiffness between unmarried people i which, prevents them knowing each other well. I am quite anxious to see what the other mem- . bers of the CO. Club have to say on the matter. SWEETBRIAR. Dear Emmeline, — I have often heard the question asked, "Why don't the young people marry as early as formerly? " but I never gave the question any attention until it was given by you as a subject for the C.C.C. i I think the main reason is conceit, or, rather, pride. Many young men, although working for themselves, have nice homes with their parents, and do not like to start on a smaller and plainer scale for themselves, and in consequence have to wait some time while saving up something to start on. Then, again, a girl thinks she would like her new home to be as nice as her mother's is, and of course her future husband will try his best to please her. Young people nowadays wish to begin where their parents left off, and do "not con- !

eider that their parents started plainly, and by years of patient industry built up their present comfortable home.

Another reason for late marriages is the iigher education of women. Fifty years ago a woman wad considered to lose caste if she did work of any kind except teaching, and as they did not have free education then xs now, it cost a lot to fit a girl to be a teacher, so that the market was often overstocked with incapables. "Now a woman can fit herself for anything

&;; a very small cost if she works hard — even Tbe a lawyer or jjoctor, which used not to be considered proper for girls. Some are clerks

and reporters too. Some, working girls do not care to marry poor men, as if they many they have to work Lard for their husbands; so if* they h»ve to

work, they might as well do it for themselves alone. Many_ girls who do not have to earn their own livings do not care to be bothered with home and family ties, but would sooner leave that for others and follow their own pursuits of business or pleasure.

Another cause is trouble in the home. Some young people who see great troubles in their own horne — see their parents working hard, yet kept back by the expenses of a large family — think it wiser to wait a while sooner than work and worry in that way for a home. Of course there are some who marry young and risk all, thinking they can manage although others have failed. Others again, seeing constant strife — quarrels between parents and among children, decide to wait a while until they can make sure of tbei- own tempers and those of their future partners — determining rather to remain single than live in such constant worry and noise. The changeableness of character is, I should think, another cause. Oiten you will see a young, industrious couple start with a nice home, but troubles — perhaps sickness, or maybo quarrels — come, and to drown his care the husband will take to drink. With the many examples we constantly see of this kind, I do not wonder that a girl waits to make sure of her would-be husband's character before she marries him. After thinking and watching, I can't say who is most to blame for decreasing marrip ges, but I think tho girls, many of them backed up by their mothers, who advise them to wait and be young while they can, and not take upon themselves the worry of a home while they are yet young themselves. — Yours sincerely, TIB. Dear Emmeline, — Scarcity of funds is, I fancy, the chief reason for the disinclination of our young men to marriage ; or, rather, I should pay, the inclination is not wanting, only the means. Custom or public opinion shv3 you must not take a girl away from a bright, cheerful, happy home unless you can furnish one equally good. A certain standard of living must be maintained. The dwelling and furnishing must be so and so, or more so. If public opinion allowed young people to start where their parents started instead of where they knocked off there would be more marriages.' Only for the fear of what 1 Mrs Grundy would say, there are plenty of young people who would, I have no doubt, |bo quite willing to marry and take the i chalices. This is a good country, but few ■of its young men are wealthy. They can proI vide the necessaries of life, but not its luxuj ries Another cause is that young men often i want something which seems necessary for them to attain before undertaking family responsibilities, and they procrastinate in regard to marriage and strive after this other thing — pursuit, interest, whatever it may be. He may wish, for instance, to reduce the mortgage on his farm or attain a certain position in his business or profession — it does not matter what, it absorbs all his attention and his energies, and ho thinks of marriage only as something he may attend to perhaps in the dim future. j So far we might be inclined to blame the young men for their overcautiousness, but they do not always deserve all the blame. j Parents not infrequently make a mistake in training up their sons to look for genteel billets — doctors, lawyers, clerks, and the civil service— and they get big ideas of their own importance without corresponding largeness of salary. Most middleclass girls, also, are bi ought up in a style to suit a princess, and taught to look for a prince with, of course, a . good bank balance. It" is no doubt quite j laudable on the mother's part to wish her ! daughter to step up higher ; but whilst teaching her the accomplishments she might also try to show her that " life is earnest, life is real," and not always a picnic by any means. She would not be any the worse for knowing all that can be learned about the home, housekeeping, and the kitchen; for the chances are that after some waiting she will eventually mate with a prince, but he will prcbably be as poor as the proverbial church ; mouse. Just fancy a young man looking for ' a life companion under the conviction that — Somewhere in this world must be She whom I have prayed to see, She whom life assigns to me — But then, shall we ever, ever meet ? And if they do meet, instead of finding " visions true, life complete," they find they have a lot to learn of knowledge that might so easily have been acquired before. One word more. Men do not seek a helpmate from pale, ana?mic, semi-invalid girls. What they want are bright, healthy, human, natural girls. These are a few of the many reasons which retard marriages, and I think we may Bhare the blame pretty evenly thus: Young men, cautious ; parents, ambitious ; and girln — well, too sensible to marry paupers. UNCLE JIM. The majority of our members attribute the increasing disinclination to marriage shown by young men of the middle and upper classes to the increasing taste for luxury and extravagance shown by our girls. That this is partly true, I am* quite prepared to admit, but I am perfectly certain that, to quote one of our men friends, j " there is a deeper reaeon underlying the I disinclination of men to marry — they are | not willing, not anxious, not ambitious to | get a home, to marry, settle down, and i comfort each man his* own wife. When j they are willing to marry they will find a way to do so." ! The fault, then, as " Earnscleugh" puts it in homely phrase, is equally shared by the young people of both sexes. " I blame both," she says ; while " Inconnu," in her . turn, with much shrewdness, blames " the conditions of society," and I, for my part, feeling that it is wise to narrow our limits if we can. blame the parents. You do not blame a spoilt child for being odious, do you? Then how can you blame girls for being extravagant who are brought up to regard appearances as everything, or men for being selfish who have never been brought up to exercise self-denial? It is an indisputable fact that the young men and women of to-day — like the young people of every country and generation — are simply what their education and training have made them. A poor crop, stunted and starved by a long dry season, is not saved by plentij ful rain at the last? A tree neglected, uncared for, deprived of air and sunlight, cannot in its maturity be converted by a eeason or two of anxious care into a wellgrown, handsome specimen. The parallel I' holds true in regard to human nature — the child is father to the man. In the intenI sity of their affection for their children ; ifche self-denial and ambition of parents know no bounds, and the age is practical, competition is keen; education, influence, means, all must be pressed into the service of family promotion and advancemeat, if possible. Education at any rate

is indispensable, and the liberal provisions of our colonies render its highest advantages the birthright of the poorest among us who has ability to seize them. By means of education then the blacksmith's son may in all professions and positions compete with, and triumph over, the earl's grandson. Education to the ambitious among us is fast becoming the Moloch of existence — the stony insensible god to which we offer up our children's hearts and souls.

Parents are content to take everything concerning their children's moral and spiritual nature for granted as long as they pass their " standards "' and forge steadily ahead on that road of education which shall be the " open sesame " to worldly success. In the home everything gives way to education. Boys have' not tune to take an interest in or do anything about their horne — " It's not fair to ask them, they have so many lessons to attend to." Girla cannot begin to share the burden which mother's shoulders have borne this many a year because " I cannot interfere with her studies ; look what her education costs ! She has enough to do." Now all this tends to elevate education above everything else in the world. Spiritual and moral gifts are entirely overlooked in this greed for intellectual attainment, and girls and boys grow up, day by day, unconsciously accepting sacrifices from their parents which they do not even notice, building up ambition and intellect at the cost of affection, unselfishness and beauty of character. Or, again, speaking of the phase which seems most familiar to the experience of our members, let us .look at the class of men and girls who remain single from purely worldly motives. Girls -whose easy, luxurious lives — of which their varied and expensive toilettes are the outward and visible sign — men whose social tastes and habits consume the whole of their salary, leaving no margin for an occasional contribution to the old home which saves them the cost of lodging, much 'less for saving up for a new home of their own. Are we to blame these young people for extravagance, over-caution, selfishness, and ambition? They are but following out the doctrines in which they have been brought vp — the atmosphere of home has naturally permeated them and decided their views on life. Religion is to them a decorous and essential part of the week's programme, but it belongs to Sunday, and is a matter of excellent maxims and precepts, rather tedious, but decidedly indispensable. They are so accustomed to measure everything with society's yard measure that their scale of household expenditure, dress, and living is regulated by what others of their set do, rather than their own personal desires or judgment. The great difficulty is for the man with £300 a year to compete with the man who has £500 a year! All that has been said by various members about young people wanting to start where their parents are leaving off is quite true — but who is to blame for that? There are 'two ways of telling every story, and parents are more prone, I fancy, to dwell on the recital of hardships and toil endured than on the sweetness of the love that lightened it, the tenderness and ineffable bond of union that binds together the lives that have struggled up the hill of succe«s, descended the valley of sorrow and adversity, rejoiced in the sunshine and mourned in the shadow together.

I wish that parents were braver as regards the world's opinion ; I wish they would think more of making their children good than clever, content than ambitious, useful than ornamental ; and I see the smile with which some of you shake your heads and whisper,. " Old maid's children," etc.

Some of our members hint at ties which young men are prone to form as a substitute for marriage. I doubt whether such men as these are worth taking into consideration, and yet a word must be given to this aspect of the question. Here, too, " society " steps in, and, regardless of honour, of generosity, or of justice, lays down certain rules for our guidance which most people slavishly accept.

A man may not marry a woman beneath him in social position because people will " Cut him," " Nobody will call on her," etc. He may, however, form other and less honourable ties, and may ruin not one but many lives, and as long as the matter doea not become a scandal, obliging society to take cognisance of if- he need anticipate no disadvantage to his social standing. Until a radical change is made in our standard of morality for men such things will continue to be, and our code of virtue and morality will still be as it now it — a comparative one — wrong for a woman, right for a man. The change rests largely with women to make, for it cannot be too often repeated, too constantly borne in mind that men are what women make them. It is the privilege of civilised woman to guide, direct, and influence man from the cradle to the grave.

Last but not least, while I do sincerely regret many of the causes which seem to render marriage less desirable than once it was, I do not altogether regret the fact itself. I rejoice that every year renders it more possible for women to earn their own living, happily and honourably. Every years adds to the list of occupations in which they may find independence and comfort. The "old maid" class of jokes even has died a natural death, and we may safely assume that ere long only snch women will marry aa feel a vocation for the married life. They will no longer marry for a horne — a pitiable resource — or to avoid the contumely of being "an old maid " ; they will no longer look upon charms of person, gifts of mind, accomplishments or talents as valuable assets in the marriage market. We "may have fewer marriages, but they will be happier ones. It is only necessary to mentally enumerate the unhappy homes, the unsuitable marriages, the badly-brought up families that we know to reconcile ourselves to the lower rate of marriages. The causes, however, which, so far as our reckoning to-day goes, conduce to eucb a state of things remain as subjects of regret, and the source of many other evils in the social and moral life of our time.

The club meets on May 11. Contributions to be in by April 29th.

TOPIC. The life, character, and times of Queen "Elizabeth. Note.— -The above topic hae been chosen, as

being so rich in suggestion that each member will have no difficulty in finding a phase to suit his or her powers. I would suggest that to confine oneself to one aspect of the topic, such as " The Queen as a Woman," "As a Ruler," " Domestic life in England during Elizabeth's Reign," literature, science, or conquest Tinder. Elizabeth, would give better results than to attempt in the brief space at our disposal anything like a general resume of the reign. I may also state that this topic is preliminary to one relating to the same period which. I shall propose for our discussion later on.

Club meets June 8. Contributions to be in by May 29.

TOPIC.

The advantages of a single life, contrasted with its disadvantages. — Suggested by " Country Mouse."