EDITOR'S WALLET.

Otago Witness, Issue 2320, 18 August 1898, Page 53

EDITOR'S WALLET.

Fortescue's Honeymoon.

Fortcscue has told me the history of the whole affair, and I am bound to say, although he is my friend, that I think he has nobody to blame but himself. It was a muddle, a black, hopeless mudile, and it all arose from one little blunder on his part, though he would like to divide the blame with his bride, his father-in-law, two railway companies, and a pug dog. But it won't do. Fortescue made an inexcusable mistake, and if his married life has ever since beon coloured by the memory of tho wedding day he must make the best of it. Fortescue is a stockbroker, and, fortunately for himself, a well-to-do man. He is also the most obstinate brute E know. His wife is a nice, amiable girl, who is ready to forgive everything except the experience she went through on her wedding clay, and I don't blame her.

This is how it happened. Fortescue discovered that on the day of his marriage he was obliged to go over to Tunbridge Wells on important business. He explained to me, and everybody else, that this could not be avoided. Now any man but Fortescue, see ing that he had unavoidable business on that day, would have altered the date of the wedding. But not Fortescue. That was where his obstinacy came in. He would be married, do his business, and then they would start on their honeymoon. Finally it was arranged that after the service they should return to the bride's house and drink the usual toasts, and that then Forlescue should start at once for Tunbridge Wells. After the breakfast, the bride was to be taken to Victoria by her father and put into a. train for Brighton, where her husband would meet her and take her to the Grand Hotel.

It was an odd arrangement, but under the circumstances nobody could suggest a better one. Everything passed off well". Fortescue got through the ceremony without making a fooJ of liimself, and started for Tunbridge Wells in high spirits. Then came the grand blunder. Having concluded his business, Fortescue jumped into a train and went to Eastbourne. I can't explain it. Fortescue is a plain sensible man of business. He is not absent-minded, and in ordinary affairs he has a memory like a punching-machine. Nevertheless, he got an idea in his head that the honeymoon was to be spent at Eastbourne, and to Eastbourne he went. There was no excuse for him. There had been some talk of spending it at Eastbourne, and tho arrangement had only been changed at tho last minute.

On reaching Eastbourne, he drove to the Grand Hotel, engaged rooms, and left lis portmanteau there, then returned to the station to meet his Avife. The London train came in, and, naturally, she was not in it. ITorlescue was alarmed, but, being a man of prompt action, wired at once to his father-in-law: "Edith not arrived. Is anythingwrong?" Meantime, the bride had arrived at Brighton, and not seeing her husband as she expected, a*nd being a, girl of strong character, she proceeded to the Grand Hotel by herself, hoping he would arrive by the next train. Her father on receiving Fortescue's telegram, guessed how the mistake had happened, and telegraphed to his daughter at Brighton :_ " Albert has gone to Eastbourne by mistake,'" leaving it to her to decide what to do. The bride hesitated. She did not want to remain at the Grand Hotel, Brighton, neither did she want to return home. It happened that she could just, catch a train for Eastbourne, and she decided to go there. Unfortunately, in her excitement, she omitted to get her luggage labelled, and it was put out of the train at Polegate, and eventually sent to the company's lost property office in London, where it remained for a week;

In the meanwhile, it had dawned upon Fortescue that.he had made a mistake. So he jumped into a train for Brighton, and must nave passed his wife en route, only he did not know it. On reaching Brighton he proceeded to the Grand. But the bride's father as an after-thought had wired to his daughter, "Stay where you are until 'I wire again.' Finding a telegram addressed "Fortescue," my friend naturally thought it was meant for himself, and decided to remain at the Grand until further orders. He thought his bride had lost her train, and the telegram had been sent to allay his anxiety. On reaching Eastbourne, and finding her husband had been there, but gone away again, the bride took the fir»t train to London. But she was reluctant to return home, as thpre might still be guests there, so she went to the house of a maiden aunt, who lived in Hampstead.

Things were now tolerably mixed, but the worst had not come. The bride's position was very painful. She had not only lost sight of her bridegroom, but, what was far worse, she had lost sight of her boxes, which contained a great part of a handsome trousseau. Besides that, she had taken her lap dog — a weird-looking pug — with her, but in the general confusion she had lost sight of that also. It is difficult to describe the agony of mind tho poor girl suffered. The dog had been iier constant companion for nearly three months, -and, as a result of her affection, it already showed signs of approaching apoplexy. To lose it was a severe blow indeed, for she had little hope of ever getting another one asugly.

On reaching her aunt's house she very properly fa.inted away, after imploring the chid old lady not to let anybody know where she was. As for Fortescue, he was nearly beside liimself with excitement. He met the London trains, and occupied his leisure in sending long abusive telegrams to the manager, of the railway company. At last he telegraphed to the biido's father, " Edith not arrived. Where is she?" But the bride's father was getting sick of it, and simply replied, " I don't know. Find out for yourself." Fortescue then returned to town by the express, and drove to her parents' house. They jwere nearly distracted. So was Fortescue. ■Nobody had the faintest clue to her whereabouts; but after talking it over they agreed she must either be at Brighton or Eastbourne, since she had not returned homei Consequently Fortescue started at once for Brighton, his father-in-law went to Eastbourne, and the ; bride's mother set about calling on relations on the chance of finding her with one of jjiem. The exact position wa3 as follows: — The "bridegroom was travelling to Brighton. The bride was in Harnpstead recovering consciousness. Her father was on tho road to Eastbourne. Her mother wa-i somewhere in the suburb 3. The bridegroom's luggage was at the Grand, Eastbourne. The bride's luggaga •was" at Polegate; while the pug dog, in some unaccountable way, which never lias been, and never will be, explained, had arrived" at Hastings, where it bit the stationmaster, and was at once locked up. By this time the railway company had awakened to a sens© of itg rq-

sponsibility, and had ordered two or three officials to run up and down the line on engines ou the off-chance of finding some remnant of the honeymoon. On arriving at Brighton, and finding that his bride was still not there, Fortescue went as nearly as possible raving mad. It was late at night, and he decided to throw up the sponge, and return to town and hido himself. Meanwhile, he drank a bottle of champagne, and fought a porter. As his train moved slowly out of Brighton station ifc happened that one from London was just arriving. The bride was in it, and, by a lucky accident, as the trains slowly passed each other, he saw her. Her mother had found her at Hampstead, and, like a sensible woman, packed her off to Brighton to avoid a scandal.

Poor Fortescue could not get out of the carriage, as he had been locked in, so he yelled to his wife: "I will -get out at ReclhiJl. Follow me by last train." At Redhill they met. I sometimes think that it would have been better for Fortescue's matrimonial career if they had not met there. The day had been a trying one; it had beon full of unpleasant surprises, and a country railway station in the middle of Hie night, when the porters are anxious to turn out the lights and go home, is ono of the most depressing places on earth. Mrs Fortescue alighted from the train, and ib steamed out of the station. The bridegroom came forward, with his arms outstretched, and .said, "My darling!" But sho was not consistent — brides very seldom arc — and instead of receiving him with a smile of welcome she called him a villain, and ran screaming to the waiting room. It is imposssible to describe accurately what | followed, because Fortescue does not seem to i know himself. The bride appears to have had strong hysterics, and called for her mother, who was too far off to hear. Fortescue appears to have paced up and down the Availing room, and used such extraordinary language that the porter, who was a very young fellow, | and, being country bred, was not accustomed i to the eloquence of the London Stock Ex--i change, lost his nerve, and turned out the gas, i leaving them in darkness. I It was nearly an hour before the position could be talked over rationally. Fortescue apologised, but said he did not see that he was to blame. His bride paid no attention to his apology, but asked him for her pug dog. Fortescue said he did not know where her pug dog was, and used a bad word. The porter asked them civilly if they were ready to go, and Fortescue replied by throwing him out of the room. The difficulty was, where were they to go ? The last train had of course gone, and it was impossible to go to a hotel, even if the bride were willing, which she was not.

The bride said she would remain in the waiting room, and return home to her parents in the morning-. Fortescue could walk up and down the platform. The bridegroom replied that she could go to Jericho, or words to that effect.

Finally, ir> spite of the indignation of the exasperated railway officials, Forteseue, who by good fortune had a plentiful supply of money with him, procured a special train, and they returned to London in separate compartments, arriving 1 at Hampstead at about 5 o'clock in the morning, where the goodnatured maiden aunt gave them shelter. That is all. It was a curious beginning for a honeymoon, and, though some kind of reconciliation took place next morning, Fortescue tells me that his wife has not such a high opinion of him now as she had before the wedding.