FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2320, 18 August 1898, Page 41

FUN AND FANCY.

— Jealousy may be defined as the sus■oicion of one's own inferiority.

— Some folk acquire knowledge for the sake of knowing it, and some for tho sake of telling it.

— Justice is probably represented as a ■woman because it is something a nuui is always after.

—" My queen !" fondly exclaimed the infatuated youth. "My Jack!" softly responded the blushing maiden.

— Too Vague. — Mr Poser : " Have you - — aw — met youaw ideal yet?" Up-to date Girl: "Bicycle, dog, or man?''

—"I didn't know that you were nearsighted ! " " Near - sighted ! Why, I walked right up to one of my creditors yesterday."

— " Jowser talked a whole hour about •what his wife w r ould do to him if he lost her umbrella." " Well?" " Then he walked away and forgot it."

—It is not polite to say of a woman that she talks too much, but she looks complimented when you tell her that she is a fine conversationalist.

— Helping Him Out. — Mr Wallace : " A woman has more changes of mind than — than " Mrs Wallace: "Than she has of dresses, my dear."

— " Did the old man kick when you asr^d Lim for his daughter?" "No. I made it a point to ask when he was up on the stepladder hanging pictures." — Coachman (driving stout old lady on a lonely road in a very high wind) : " Please, mum, will you 'old the 'orses •while I run after my 'at, or will you run after my 'at wmle I 'old the 'orses?"

— iuaude : " Why have you thrown Clarence overboard?" Madge: "I couldn't marry a man with a broken nose." Maude: "How did his nose get broken?" Madge : " I struck him playing golf !" — Her Way.— "l can tell when my wife "buys something she considers extravagant." "How can you tell?' "She always explains that she bought it with a half-sove reign she happened to have tuck.id away." A henpecked husband called the ser-vant-maid aside, and said : " Look here, Eobustina, I am told that my wife and daughters are planning a trip to Paris ; do you know whether I am going with them or not?" •

— Into His Own Camp. — "Your wife is Somewhat strong-minded, isn't she, Littlejolm?' "Strong-minded? A furniturepolish pedlar came here yesterday, and in five minutes she sold him some polish she had made herself."

— j.irs Kelly : "So they sint yure poor liUle Timmy f th' ref armitery ? Such a good choild, too." Mrs Grady : "Sure, and he wor thot, Mrs Kelly. Iverything thot darlint iver shtole he'd bring Voight home t' his muther."

— With a Reservation.— -The Proud {Fa'-licr : "Oh! come, now! You were a boy yourself once." The Irate Neighbour: " Maybe I was ; but I didn't have an idiot of a father to encourage me to make myself an infernal nuisance !"

— " How does your husband spend his time in the evening?" "He stays at home and thinks of schemes to make money." "And what do you do with yourself when he is thus occupied?" *' Oh, I think of Icbeaies to spend ii, T

— Not Alarmed. — First Worker (gloomily) : " Women are crowding into every department of industry, and lowering our wages." Second Worker: "I ain't afraid of 'em." First Worker : " You're not? Wh,at are you?" Second Worker: "A cook."