FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2303, 21 April 1898, Page 41

FUN AND FANCY.

— " Here will I pledge thee, dearest one," sang the tenor, as he left his watch in safe keeping.. — Mr Latestayer -. " I'll kiss ycu when I go." Miss Weary ; "Do it now, while I'm still youcg.' r — Man at Door : " I called to see the head of the family." Mr Henpecked : " She's out ; any message 1 " — Mrs A. : "Do you think Mary Gilpert is as old as she looks ? " Miss B. : "My dear, she conMn't be I "' — " Harry, do you love your little baby brother ? " — •' What's the use 1 He wouldn't Know it if I did ! " „ " — Deacon Welfit • " I can read ynur thoughts, Miss Nancy/ Mies Nancy (coyly) : "Then what makes you sit so far away, deacon 1 " — " Oh, aunt," cried little Amy, in the nufrery the- other day, "do make Freddy behave himself. Every time I happen to hit him on the head with my stick he bursts out ciyinp." — Police Magistrate : " Have you erer seen the prisoner at the bar?" Witness Stephens : " Never, your Honor ; but I've seen him when I- strongly suspected he'd been at it." — Amenities. — Mr B (during the quarrel) : " Weil, if you want to know it, I married you for your money." Mrs B. : "I wish I could tell as easily what I married you for." — Hewitt . " Does your wife miss you when ycu are away 1 " Jewett : " She misses me when lam at home." Hewitt : " What do you mean 1 " Jswett : v She can't throw a cap straight." — The teacher, was telling them about the different seasons. He asked : " Now one of you boys tell me which is the proper time to gather fruit ? " " When, the dog's chained up," replied Johnnie. — Somehow or* other everybody some time or other wants to sing " Auld Jang syne," and only one man in a million knows the words, and he only knows the first verse, and he doesn't sing it right. — Coachman (driving stout old lady on a lonely, road in a very high wind): "Pleas 3, mum, will you 'old the 'orses while I run , after my 'at, or will you run after my 'at while. I 'old the 'orses ? " — " Isn'c it strange 1 Minnie despises Mr Wilkins, while her mother thinks he is the greatest person in the- world." — " That's easily accounted for. The^firat time he met them: together he took them for sisters." CEASH ! She swung in a hammock, He was tempted to kiss, And in less than a jiffy i siq^ 9J[n papuß[ j£aq£ — "Do you ever gamble ? " she asked, as they sat together, her hand held in his. He replied, " No; but if Fwanted to do so, now undoubtedly would be my time." " How so:? " " Because I hold a beautiful hand. 1 ' The engagement is announced. — Dubbins : " Here is a line of poetry that says, ' Every, wife is worth her weight in gold.' If that were really so, a man could double his wealth in a hurry." Bliffers : " How. so I " Dabbins, : " Why, marry a thin woman and fatten her up." — All Worthy.— Stranger (in Arizona) : " Bat when you lynch a man so hurriedly, isn't there great danger of making a mistake ? " Broncho Pete -. " Not the least in the world, stranger ; yer can't make no great mistake- lynching anybody in dis hero town."

— " Carter Paterson's van has just called at the Twickenbams, next door, and left a footoi.ll, a bike, two cricket bats, a bundle of sweaters, a pair of oars, and a bundle of golf sticks."—" Then their «on must be home from collage and his education finished." — " Oh,, my friends, there are some spectacles that one never forgets ! " said a lecturer, after giving, a graphic description of a terrible accident he had witnessed. " I'd like fco know where they sells 'em,?' remarked an- old lady, in the audience, who is always mislaying har glasses. — " Absent - minded I " exclaimed the woman whose husband worries her. " Ha's the- most, absent -rain Jed man thnt ever live* I H&'a the kind of poreon who, if he were going to the Klondyke, wonld be a1?a 1 ? Ukely as not to leavy the cook-atove behind tad take & refrigerator,"