FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2302, 14 April 1898, Page 41

FUN AND FANCY.

— Don't fail to put; your band in your pocket when you feel for the poor,

— The commonest kind of cheerful giver Is the one who. gives nothing but good adTice.

— There is nothing >so likely to reconcile a forlorn bachelor to his lot as a crosi baby in & tramcar.

— Prompted. — Tom : " What prompted you to propose to Miss Passay 1 " Jack : •'.Miss Psssay."

— Of one thing we never feel aay doub? 1 , and that is that whatever is the mats er with up, our case is exceptional.

— "I can't sea why you object to young Sof tiy. I'm sure he is constant." — " Worse than chat. Hs is perpetual." •

— Musical Note. — The singer .held her audience for more thaaaniionr. Then she tenderly laid ifc in tba cradle and rocked it to sleep.

— " There is Hothing," said the coloured philosopher, " that will so stimulate a man's sense of justice as to have someone owe him some money."

— In Other Words. — " She waa reared in luxary, wasn't she 7 " — " I snppo«e that's what yon'a call it. She had everything she didn't need."

— When a weman says her acquaintance's sew bonnet is " just horrid " the chances are that she will have one exactly like ifc in the course of a week t>r so.

— " And yonr wife aimed at and struck your head with a cup ? " — " Yef, sir." — " Well, then, all I h&.ve to say is that you §hould be very-proad of her."

HOW HE MANAGED IT. " I think I'll take a day oft'," Remarked the office lad. And he straightway tore another leaf ]?roja the boss's calendar pad.

— Mrs A. : " Some married men never cease to taa lovers. Mr Hennypeck often speaks of his wife as the sunshine of his life." Mr A. : " Yes ; that's becaasa she always makes it hot for him."

— One Consolation. — " There's one idea that every spinster secretly cherishes." — "What is ifc ?„"— "That lots of men wish they had married her Instead of the girl 3 they did marry."

— Mistress (greatly scandalised) : "Is ifc possible^ Hannah, you are making bread without Having washed yonr hands 1 " New Kitchen Girl : " Lor', what's the difference, msm 1 It's brown bread."

— Mis Danleigh : "It is very singular that; your mother always happen* to call on me when' lam out." Little ITlossJe Dimplefcon: " Oh, we c&n see from otsr frontwindow whenever yon go &way."

— "I cried all day yesterday."— " What for 1 " — " It was our wedding anniversary, and Henry said : •It seems to me that something awfal occurred 10 years ago to-day, but I can'fe remember what ifc wa3.' "

— Visitor (at Home for Aged and Indigent Literary Workers) : " And who is that venerable and meek-looking old man ? " The Warder : " Ob, he's the author of ' Push ! or the Pathway to Fame and Fortune.' "

— Refuted. — " Was that you who got up and left the ball while 1 was lecturing?" asked a put lie lecturer of a man he met at the door. " No, sir," was the (Juick reply ; '• I was never known to walk ia ray sleep in my life."

— Clergyman : "My child, beware of picking a toadstool instead of a mushroom. They are easy to confuse." Child : " That be all right, sur, that be I Us bain'i a-goin' to sat 'em oorselves — they're a-goin' to market to be sold."

— George : "My dear, If I cannot leave tbe office in time for dinner to-night, I will send you a note by a messenger." "You need cot go to that expense, George, for I have already found the note in your overcoat pocket." — Why He Gave It Up.— Tramp (in the country) : " Yes ; I once rode a wheel, but I had to give it up." Biker : " Why ? " Tramp : "Well, you see, the owner was comin' down thß road behind me, and the policeman had a rope stretched across ia front."

— Refuted. — " Love is blind," murmured Mr Meekton regretfully. " That's nonsense," replied his wife. " When a, girl falls in love with a man she sees magnificent qualities in him which none of her family can make out, and which become wholly obscure evan to fapr in the course of a year or so-*'