WHAT HAPPENED AFTER MY SUICIDE.

Otago Witness, Issue 2288, 6 January 1898, Page 42

WHAT HAPPENED AFTER MY SUICIDE.

When at length we reached Granoa my resolution had become unalterable. Even the society of my children could not hold ma to the earth. After the loss of her who alone made my pilgrimage there bearable, I had sunk lower and lower in my hereditary fits of depression, and now bad reached depths from which there was but one release. I was determined to bear the burden of the flesh no longer.

Eatering ths hotel, at which a suite of rooms had been retained for us, a gloomylooking Italian jostled me. All my hatred of the human race burat forth, and I struck him. He drew his knife and would have stabbed me, but was prevented by the padrone. I had waited calmly for the blow. It might have saved me the trouble of carrying out my intention to take my own life.

We occupied two bedrooms, oue within the other. The little girl was to sleep in the inner room, I bade her good-night without a tear. The world had passed from me. I had no further interest io any of its creatures, not even my own flesh and blood.

When I took my place in bed at; the side of my sixteen-year-old boy I had evsrythiug ready. I had long kept a narcotic poison by me, knowing that the time must surely come for me to use it. I wished to drift dream-

lessly into death, and did not desire to entet it by the gates of useless agony.

My son slapt at last and I drained tbe glass. The do3e was so great as to make failure impossible.

A feeling of utter prostration now took possession of me. Tired as I had ever been on earth, my sense of fatigue now seemed absolutely crushing. Everything gradually faded from my sight. I slept my last sleep ; at least my body slept, but the reasoning part of me, wrenching itself free, floated upwards. Gould it then be true that the souf, at which I scoffed, existed ? So it seemed, for I looked down upon my sleeping aon, and, at his side, the form in which I had been imprisoned for 40 years. And not without curiosity I gazed, for I saw myself for the first time as I really was. The farrowed face, the hair streaked with grey, the emaciated hand and arm hanging over the side of the bed proved to me how right I had been. It was really quite time for such a worn-out pieca of machinery to ba disposed of underground.

I know not for how long my spirit, reluctant to begone, had thus watched its ancient tenement, nor at what moment it became apparent to my consciousness that a man etood by the bedside. His broad felt hat was slouched over his features, and his long dark cloak was drawn up to his chin. I could not gee hie face ; but tbe acuter senses of my \ soul made me know that it was the Italian whom I had strkek. He stood for an instant by the bed a3 though hesitating. Then, suddenly drawing a long kaife, he buried it in my lifelesg body. The hilt met the flesh with a dull thud. The man, hearing no groan, and seeing no blood rush forth, made a gesture of amazsmsnt, and, regaining the kaife, hurried from the room. The noise aroused my son, who screamed loudly for assistance, and soon the chamber was filJtd with the people of the hotel, bearing lights. I caw them uncover my body and examine it. I saw tbeir signs of horror when they cams upon the ghastly stab. I knew that they were questioning my bewildered boy, aud then I saw them haudling a hunting knife that I had placed on the small table near the bedside. The polics entered the room, and I saw my son at their bidding ariss and dresa himself. They were leading him from the room wheai he rushed oack and threw himself upon my inanimate body. I heard his piteou3 cry, '• Father, father I "

Then I knew that my business was no longer there, but with the Indian. I found him brooding in a lonely room of a decaying palace. I heard him mutter " A Doria never brooked a blow yet bat the iusulter died for it." Hi? looked round at his ancestors, whose earthly semblances were fading there, cUy by day, in their tarnished frames. He appe ded to them doubtingly for countenance and approval. I felt that his conscience told him their answer. The D^rias faced their euemiea in the open, on the field or in their gilt-prowed galleys, bat struck not sleeping men.

He groaned. Then I stretched forth my formless hand and touched his neck. He cowered in his chair aad glanced back with horror-stricken face. He felt my presence.

In the time that followed I never left him, aad he was ever conscious of my Keainsss to him. Hs knew not where to look for agony. A buriy, hearty man, he shrank each day until he almost became a shadow. Hs kaslt nearly hourly at a Prie-Diea, and implored the holy saints for aid. In vain ; they could cot help him, acd I coald not leave him to peace. The innoceat boy must not suffer for my deed and his.

One day he took his hat aad cloak. With a re&olved countenance he passed iato the street. I felt that my purpose was gained, and followed on his steps.

We entered a large building where the trial was proceeding. Th«re the torches burned low, casfiag an ever-cb&nging light on the faces of the excited crowd. An evanescent ray lit up the weeping face of my little girl, the beloved fair-haired baby of happier days. Near by my Eon stood in the dock, pale and lost in bewilderment. I saw them produce my" hunting knife and the bottle which had contained the laudanum. I beard, as afar off, the advocate speak, demanding th<s condemnation of my child. A youcg man, sallow and lank of locks, seemed to defend the boy. He spoke with conviction, but his strong appeals were lost in ths gathering weight of the prosecution's testimony.

I looked at Doria. His face was twitching and his teeth were chattering with nervous agitation. Hia conscience swayed bim to and fro. Now I knew that my time had come, and, using every force that my new existence gave me, I projected myself for the moment into matter. I was visible to him.

He closed hi 3 eyes for an instant in abject terror. Then, starting up, cried aloud :

•' It was I—lI — I who killed him, and here is the kaife."

I knew that he lted, but he deserved to suffer.

At once I beard a murmur of voices that gradually swelled into a shout. Amid the movement and whirl of the crowd I saw my little girl clasped in my son's arms. And then I knew the earth no more.