FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2287, 30 December 1897, Page 41

FUN AND FANCY.

A Discrepancy. — " Wadaleigh says he never makes mistakes." — " Hm — m I That's ono of 'em." — If naosfc of us had our lives to live over again we should only make another lot of big mistakes. — A woman whose, favourite hymn is " I would not live always " has spent £230 for patent medicines daring the last 10 years. — After the Green Apple.—" Are you in pain, my little man 1 " asked the kind old gentleman. " No," answered the boy ; " the pain's in me." — »« Poor matherless girl ! " he exclaimed, and turned sadly away. What he wanted ■was a. motherless girl who should be in moderate circumstances at leasb. .'/ — His Better Half: "Mrs Henpeck 'has applied for -a- separation." — "What's the Reason ? "—"" — " Her husband meant to write of her as bis better half, but wrdte it ? bitter.'" -. - — " Oh, 01arenc9 r " exclaimed Mrs M'Bride, as her brother entered the house, <*' baby's cat a tooth ! "— " Why do you tether play with knives 1 " asked *the unimpressed bachelor-brother. — Pedagogic Wisdom — Professor (discoursing .on the uses of water): "And lastly, gentlemen, if we had no water we could not learn to ewim, and hour many of us would then be drowned 1 " • — Friend (leaving the office with the broker) : " I say, old man, you didn't lock yonr safe." Broker : " No, I never do. It cost £60, and I don't want burglars to spoil it for the little I've got in it." — No matter how strongly a man pretends that he doesn't believe in ghost?, it may be doubted if be ever goes by a churchyard at midnight without feeling as if something weie going to ejrab him from behind. — Mamma (to little Mabel whilst out driving): "And now, Mabel, you are in Sussex." Mabel (looking earnestly at the ground in a disappointed manner) : " Why, mamma, it's not pink 1 " In her atlas Sussex was coloured pink. — Old Mr Bentley (reading the paper) : " I see tbat in the recent storm at sea a ship loaded with passengers went ashore." Old Mrs Bentley (placidly) : " How fortunate 1 I can imagine how glad those passengers were to get on drr land." • —At the Seaside. — G-aesb at Hotel : " When is it high tide to-day 1 " Page : .** Seven o'clock, madam." - Gaest :- " Just the •hoar of the. table d'hote. It's die graceful to fix the two together like that. Bring me the ,book of camplaints ! " • . bobby's three-inch smii.e. Sister measured my grin one day ; Took the ruler and me. Counted the inches all the wayOne and two and three. "Oh, you're a Cheshire cat," said she. Father said : " That's uo sin." Then he nodded and- smiled at me — Smiled at ny three-inch grin. Brother suggested I ought to begin Trying to trim it down. Mother said : "Better a three-inch grin Than a little half-inch frown."