Oratory In the Kitchen.

Otago Witness, Issue 2263, 15 July 1897, Page 59

Oratory In the Kitchen.

De Quincsy was open to the imputation suggested by Goldsmith when he said to Dr Johnson, "If you were writing a fable about little fishes, you would make them talk like whales." Indeed, the words of the leviathan were often in the mouth of the brilliant essayist. In making a long visit to the famous Christopher North, De Quincey was a constant source of interest, and sometimes of uneasiness, to the cook, whom he summoned every morning to receive his orders for the day. His tastes were very Bimple, as he rarely ate anything but boiled rice in milk and mutton, but his manner of delivering his instructions was, grandiloquent in the extreme, and most overpowering to the cook, whom he addressed as if she had been a duchess. His lightest request was couched in terms like the following :—: — "Owing to dyspepsia afflicting my system, and the possibility of any additional disarrangement of the stomach taking place, consequences incalculably distressing would arise — so much bo, indeed, as to increase nervous irritation and prevent me from attending to matters of overwhelming importance — if you do not remember to cut the mutton in a diagonal rather than a longitudinal form." The cook, who was a Scotch woman, bad great reverence for De Quincey as a man of genius, bub after one of those interviews her patience was nearly exhausted, and for once sheT gave free vent to her feelings. " Weel, I Bever heard the like o' that in a' my days ! The body has an awiu' sichb o' words ! If it had been my am maister that was wanting his dinner, he would ha' ordered a hale tablefu' wi' little mair than a waff o' his haua ; an' here's a this claver aboofc a bit o' mutton uae bigger than a prin. Mr Da Quinshey would mak' a gran' preacher, though I'm thinking a harncle o' the folk would ua ken what he was driving at." Lost and Found. A POCKET-BOOK TURNS UP AT THE BIGHT TIME AND ALL IS "WELL. " What a charming gown that in ! " cried the young woman with the picture hat. "I only wish I had one like it, but I never could afford it." "Neither could I, my dear, if I hadn't lost my pocket-book." "Good gracious! Prosperity has affected your mind. I don't see how." " Well, you see, Albert gave me the money to buy a gown. I told him it was not half enough, but he protested it was every cent he could afford. I cried for two days about it, and as he didn't give in then I concluded he was really telling the truth, so I started out to do the best I could. I went to every dry-goods store in the town, and never worked so hard in my life, but I couldn't find what I wanted at the price. Finally, in despair, I decided to take the first piece I had looked at, and oh, Laura, imagine my herror to find, when the clerk had cub off the pattern, that I had lost my pocketbook ! " " How perfectly awful ! " "Wasn't it! I thought I should die. I knew I would have to tell Albert all about it some time, so I rushed around to his office to tell him in the presence of strangers, when he could not aay anything dreadful. I wepb and accused myself of carelessnes3 when he said he would advertise, for I couldn't remember when I had had it last nor how much money was in it. His partner was there, and he seemed to feel bo sorry for me — he's an old bachelor — and Albert didn't scold much, and actually gave me the money the second time." " And theu you went and got the gown ? " "Well.no. I had changed my mind about that piece of goods — it had such a cheap 100k — so I jasb west home to tbink it over." " But you never got that gown cheap ?" "No, I didn't. The fact is, I found my pocket-book on the hall table where I had left it when I took out my cat fare to put in my glove. I am 60 careful of money that I don't like lo display much in the cars." "And what did Albert say when he found it out ? " " He would have aaid a great deal if he bad found it out, but he never did. I kaew bed scold me for carelessness if I told him, so I just kept all the money and bought my gown. I'm so glad you like ifc, dear." — Detroit Free Press.