FUN AND FANCY,

Otago Witness, Issue 2251, 22 April 1897, Page 41

FUN AND FANCY,

— You can seldom get a man's honest opinion if he knows what answer you want. A boy's conscience ia that part of him which prompts him to eat all the sweets to kaep them from making his little brother il'. — A professor shot a student the other day. Ha had come to the conclusion that it waa the only way to get anything, into his head. Hoax : "Do you believe that 13 is a fatal number 1 " Joax : " Well, all the people who lived in tho thirteenth century are dead." — It is characteristic of many a woman that she will walk by a dead dog in the street with tears in her eyes and three stuffed wrens on her hat. — "lam in hopes that you will pay me that £10 before the end of the week, SmithsbD." " That's right, old man. Be hopeful, but don'fc be Banguine." — Maud (who lives next door) : " What was that terrible noise I heard about 12 o'clock last night ? " Mabel : •' Papa dropped a hint for Charlie to go." — Bilkine : " How are you and Miss Smarte getting on? Does she smile upon your suit?" "Wilkins: "Smil9 upon it? She actually laughs at it I " Chicago Hotel Clerk : "I shall have to give you a room on the eighteenth floor." Guest: "All right; if anyone calls to see me, tell him I'm out of towa." Mr Surley (savagely) : •' That confounded baby is always crying. What's wrong with him?" Mrs Surley (sweetly): " He's got your temper, love." j — Ferocious Visitor (entering office) : "Sac I here, boy, I've come to lick the editor." Office Boy : " You won't like the job. He's just been tarred and feathered." — She : " I wonder how Bluebeard started cutting off his wives' heads ? " He : "Very likely the idea occurred to him while he was at the theatre behind a big hat." — Lawyer : " I must know tho whole truth before I can successfully defend you. Have you told me everything ? " Prisoner : " Except where I hid the money. I want that for myself." — Cashier at Bank : " You will have to briug someone to identify you before we can cash this draft. Got any friends in the town?" Stranger,: "No; lam the dog j license man." — Miss Rosebud (to her brother) : •♦What do you.- think is the best colour for a bride* Jack?" Jack: "Well, I don't know much about it, but for myself I should prefer a white bneJ/ — A Familiar Sound.— Husband: "What did you think when you heard the chandelier fall in the night ? " Wife : " I thought that -you had been detained on 'business' again, and were getting upstairs as quietly as you could." — "I heard ye were on ahtrike," said Mike to his friend Pat. " I was that," answered Pat. "A shtrike for what, Pat?" "For shorter hours, Mike." " An' did ye get them?" "Sure we did, Mike. It's not workin' at all I am now." — An Indian and a white man were passing along a street in an American city, when the former espied a window full of wigs. Pointing to the owner, who was standing in the doorway, he said : " Ugh 1 Him great man — big braye — take heap scalps 1 " — Discerning Child (who has heard some remarks by his father): " Are you our new nurse ? " Nurse : " Yea, dear." Child : " Well, then, I am one of those boys who can only be managed by kindness, so you had better get some sponge cake and oranges at once." — In Norfolk, at a feast given at the end of the harvest, the hostess, thinking to honour one of the principal men, asked him to come and sit at her right hand. "Thank you, me lady, but if it's all the same to you I'd rather sit opposite this 'ere pudden." ' «« Mra Newly, is it true that your husband ig so absent-minded ? " " Perfectly. We've been married six months, and many an evening at 11 he gets up, takes me by the hand, tells me what a delightful time he has had, and would leave if I did not remind him." Visitor : " I am grieved to learn of your mistress's illness. Nothing serious— no great cause for alarm, I trust ? " The New Frenoh Maid : " No, monsieur, nozzing beeg, nozzlng grande. Something— what you call leetle, petite. What zey call m leetle— small —flm»ll-pox."