No Need to Worry.

Otago Witness, Issue 2211, 16 July 1896, Page 52

No Need to Worry.

A pompous little tradesman is said to be constructing & building for the storage of ealt meats. It is one of his peculiarities, as it is of pompous people generally, that ho loves to give orders on all occasions.

His frequent needless interference with the work has secured the ill-will of the workmen. The other day he remarked to one of the nnsons, a man of ready wit :

' " I s»y, Mike, I want yon to be very careful not to leave any holes in tho foundation, because I am going to have that collar filled with meat, and I don't want the mice to got in ; do you see ? " " Oh, that's all right, sir," answered Mike good-naturedly ; •• if I happen to lave a hole or two bet; ween the stones, I'll lave 'em big enough for the cats to get in after the mice, so yez'll have no rayzon to worry."

l , .Harwell's Unique Factory Chimney.

• Just now, when so much attention ia beiugpaid in certain circles to artistic chimney.*, it' is interesting to note that at D&rwen, Lirt-, oashire, is to be fouud, at tbe India Mill, the finest chimney structure in the kingdom— pro%, bably in the world.

It is a replica of the campanile of St. Mark's, Venice, and, though the latter is of marble, lm a more magnificent appearance than its model. Its cost was upwards of £15,500, and, phced upon a solid rock foundation 62ft below the earth's surface, it runs into the air 310 ft, beyond whioh there is ornamental ironwork weighing some 260 tons. The total weight of the structure is computed to be about 4300 tons.

The aperture from whioh smoke escapes into the air is as large as a decent-sized room— l6ft square.

A. 3000-Notc Keyboard.

Physiologists are agreed that of all the wonderous mschanism in the human body, that of the " inner ear," as it is oalled, is by far the moat astonishing. No musical instrument ever invented was a tenth part so intricate or bo perfectly adapted to its special work. The waves of air which constitute sound are received in the tube of the outer ear, aud cause the highly-elastic drum to vibrate many thousands of times a second, jmt in the same way as the reoeiver of a telephone. Every movement of this tympanum, no matter how slight or how rapid, sets in motion the three small bones constituting the middle ear, which bear a mosti striking resemblance to a hammer, an anvil, and a stirrap respectively. The whole three, although most parfectly shaped, are so tiny as to be easily placed upon a threepenny piece. The stirrup juat fits a hole in the bony inner ear (shaped like a suail shell) and works in and out of this hole like a pisbon in a pump ; and though the drum vibrates at an astonishingly rapid rate the stirrap responds to every stroke, .Each time it moves a ripple is sent through the liquid contents of the snail-shell. It is inside this inner ear. (the cochlea) where the true sound-perceiving organs ara situated, An eminent Italian Miatomjsfi, the Muaafc

Corbi, has made the astonishing discovery, by the aid of powerful microscopes, thatf there ate here some 3000 flattened arobes constituting % complete spiral sbaircajeup the cochlea, and every one of them is in reality a- piano-key responding to a different note, and to that one only. The notes are placed side by side; exactly as on a key-board, and what we have in facb is a human piano, one} which, too, includes thousands of keys and chords. [ The theory advanced is that every sound we} hear is a compound one in reality, and that the wavo motion is broken np inside the ear till 16 strikes only the corresponding notes on "Corti's keyboard." These affect the auditory nerve attached to them, but the brain becomes cognisant of all the notes simultaneously, and so blends them again into the. single sound which has S9t the whole- elaborate machinery at work.

His Compliment to Chopin.

A well-known Q.O.s wife, who is an accom* plished musician, gave a dinner party recently. Among the guests was a certain member of the corporation of a famous western oity. While, awaiting announcement of dinner, ab the urgent request of some of the guest*, the hostess played aud sang. Bha had just finished a polonaise by Chopin, whioh was greeted with a burst of applause, and as she rose from the piano, in the silence whioh followed the -sweot strains, her husband turned to the gentleman from the west with :

"Would you -like a sonata before dinner, Mr ,?" "Weil, ;I don't mind," replied ..'the guefrfc, displaying instantly more interest in the proceedings than he had hitherto evinced. " I hid two on my way here,, but I think I can swnd another."

Teaching the Queen's English.

A witness who could only apeak the bifefcd dialect of his native county, Fife, when under examination before a parliamentary committee in opposition to a railway bill, the promoters of which made ranch of the fact that the proposed line would open np an extensive and very rich coalfield, was asked what he thought of the quality of the coal which they had been told was so valuable. His reply was :

" Weel, to tell you the honest truth, it's perfately fnehionleas " (without grit or substance). " Faoghionle3c," said the examining barrister ; " pray, what do you mean by that ? "

'* I didna say fooshionless, mon, but fushionless " (the uas in French). "Do you no ken your am wither tooßue that ye want to be telfc t'le nieaniu' o' such an ordinary word as fruhionless ? " was tho indignant retort.

" I certainly must confess," gently answered the barrister, " that I do not know the meaning of that word."

14 Ah, weel, then," retorted the northy man, with a look of contemptuous pity for such ignorance, "t? gie you ma opinion o'the coal in gude, simple Qaeen'a English, it's just as baugh," (flooky) "as a neep" (turnip).

Something: Like Tact.

A oollege principal, who is a great gardener, wears a glass eye. One day he— it being mmmer, and he on his vaoation— r ashed in from the garden all soiled and spattered, and without! bis glass eya. His wife was seated with a caller of importance.- She perceived the external unfitness of her husband's condition, and frigidly said to him : ' .

" John, go at once to the library and tell your master Mrs wishes to see him." Ha went, and soon reappeared, clothed, eyed, and in his right mind.

This college principal, it is plain, is himself • man of presence of mind. There are plenty of men who, confronted by such a remark of genius as this, would have stared and faltered out t " But, my dear "— and spoilt it all.