PASSING NOTES.

Otago Witness, Issue 2211, 16 July 1896, Page 38

PASSING NOTES.

That delicious work of topey - turvydom, the canonisation of the ex-Colonial Treasurer,

■ may now b.e, regarded &s complete. Dsspita tlie activity- of the " Tory wolf " as actvecatva diaboli, Saint Joseph George has taken his place in the hagiological calendar —of Southland. He has already been constituted patron saint of many a devout family in that interesting district ; . brothers are vying with Bisters in the sacred tank of chanting bjs praise ; and the racking child (of whom- more anon) is being called by hia name. Verily it is a triumph of moral topsy-turvydom. That great and good man, Mr A. Lee Smith, is the i new saint* acolyte, and is wearing a sort of | reflected halo by virtue of this honourable position. I cannot! be wrong fn styling Mr - Lee Smith a great and good man : were they not his own words at Invercargill ? Well, no ; I find, on referencs, that they were not ; but the implied burden of his speech ran thus—" My master, St. Joseph G., is a great and good man 1 ; I, too, am a great? and good man ;— 0 those wicked Tories 1 " Marvellous is the pleasure that good " Liberals " find in uttering the word "Tory." 'Watch them rolling the succulent morsel' round their tongues X.. Like the old lady who foucd " a power of comfort " in " that blessed word Mescpatamiaj"' the wellrcunded utterance of those two little syllables serves them as a religious exercise—a means of grace. Let U3- not grudge them go harmless a joy. What matters it that? the Tory baa gone the way of the moa, and that the use of the word involves an impertinent anachronism?' ' If they can forgive themselves the anachronism, we can afford to look o.ver the impertinence.

Heaven forbid -that any word of mine should tend' to weaken what is popularly— 'li H*d. ;i alm<>s&; written playfully— known as "parental coritroi." Fa«hers i ,and' mpthecs have quite enough to put up with as ifc is 1 ; their case would be hopeless if their rebel offspring could claim "Oivis" as an ally. Yet justice must be done, though domestic dicoipline should perish. The child has , rights, especially if he or she be an infant ' puling in the nurse's arms. And surely parents should not forget those rights, when (according to the rubric) the priest says "Nama this child." Juliet asked, " What's in a name!" bnt Jnliet was a flippant fourteen-year-old. Mr Shandy's, opinion is more to the point. "In respect to the .choice and imposition of Christian names, he thought a great deal more depended than - what , superficial minds were capable of conceiving. Hia opinion in tnis matter was that there was a strange kind of magic bias, which good or bad names, as he called them, irresistibly, impressed upon out cHapactexs and conduct. . . , How many Csesars and Pompeys, he-.would say, by merfr inspiration of the names, have been rendered worthy* of' them 1 And how many, he would add,, are there, who might have done exceedingly well in the world had not ' their characters and spirits been totally depressed and Nioodemus'd into nothing 1 " With an apology for the length of that quotation I proceed to the application in which its bearings lie. Speaking at Invercargill on Monday Mr Ward sp^ke as foilows (vide Southland Times to witness if I lie) :

He had received hundreds of letters of. sympathy, and from no place more than the district he represented, some ifgned by whole families, saying he could rely on theie support. One settler said he had named hia daughter Joiephine Georgina Ward Brown after hearing htm speak at Riverton. Now confess that there was some cause for 1 my remarks concerning the righto of helpless infancy.

Some very wise person said a little time ago that the chief business of the .session would be talking to the constituencies. The process is already in' full swing. On one night this week no fewer than three subjectsintended for the edification of the women wera on the carpet in the House. These w«ra the Bible in Schools, Dirorce r and ■ Women in Parliament. The first-named watt introduced by the veteran tdotieian of Dur> ■ edin. Of course' the proposal to introduce the Bible to the schools, even by. way of the back door, was not entertained. Out of a , House of. 54 only 10 went into- the lobby with Mr Hutchison. No doubt he took his defeat manfully. Perhaps he did not expect even so many as half a score to follow him. And very likely by this time ht has come, to Bee that bis defeat was really a blessing in disguise. In some' respect*- Mr Hutchison resembles the typical Irish member— he is never satisfied unlest he is nursing a grievance, Ha has » wallet of grievances, and it ; is staffed as full as , the fardel of Autolyou», bo that even if. Wa Uttl«billh»dde?eloßedlnfco

an act be would stilt have a sufficiency. With a serene consciousness of having " done his level best," like the humble hero immortalised by Mark Twain, he can again don the spotless toga of candidature, and can also,' lIKe Coriolanus (but I am afraid without his reluctance), show the wounds he ban received in the sacred cause of the people. Your voices ! for your voices I have fought ; Watched for your voices ; for your voices beat Of woundr two dczen odd, battles thrice six I have seen and heard of ; foe your voices have Done many things, some less, some more : your voices i Indeed, I would be Consul. Mr M'Nab cited a number of unpleasant things which he wanted to be made sufficient ground for divorce. It will be conceded, I think, that when a, man hai been sentenced to penal servitude for attempting to take the iifeof the petitioner it oaght to be a tolerably good reason for dissolving the marriage tie. It would be only completing the man's intention. If Mr Seddon has- his way, we shall soon" have women- in Parliament. How -he oru3hed all opponents with the sternness of his logic on Wednesday "night, ' How he must have hailed the advent 'of Br Newman, who came to bold up his arms until the viewy should be ajsnred. Of | course it is only a coincidence that half-a-dcz^n woman In the Upper House would be extremely convenient for Mr Seddon just now. Then the Chamber might be trusted not to throw out the CD. ajid Asiatic Be' striofcion Bills. If it were faithful in these things, and not too censorious in other respects, he might obtain a new lease of political life. And all these words are falling from Parliament liko gentle rain upon the fruitful soil of = the electorates. How insatiable is the appetite for " flapdoodle-" 1

The Song of the Dirt. (Sung by the Mayors and Councillors of. Dunedin and Suburbs.) • Dirt, diri, brautlful dirt !— Hoed eaiiff a dismal Soog of the Shirt ;— We ling you a song of the beautiful dirt. Mud, mud,— sweet and superb, — f A foot on the road and an inch on the kerb ! Lock at the litbleoncs making their pies — Never a fairer scene under the skies ! Dirt, dirt, glorious and grand, — Wbtit a chance for the painter's hand ! Horses, pulling a heavy load, Up to their knees in Cargill road ! What! -You would clear' t^e streets of this mad? -This thing of beauty- and joy ?• 0 Lud! Have you no soul for the diinty slush ? You'd make short work of it, would you? Tush !. We take a pride in the bonny stuff— Gloat o'er it— wade in it— can't get enough. .. Fame shall be o rs, rare and sublimeRulers august of toe City of Siime I Alas, alas !" it will soon have gone — The beautiful dirt that we gszvd upon With lingering eyes of love a&d pride. To be?p it here we had almost died. 0 darling dirt, must you really go From us who have- loved and cherished you sa R But we joy to; think you will come again — ■ Come with the blinking mist and tain ; * • And 0 be sure we shall foster you still ; And— who knows ?— you may stay for good and ill. Per'sh the churls who would sweep you fcew* I— I Souls dwid of all civic sense. Beautifu l dirt, whatever betide, The Mayors' delight, the Councillors' pride'

, My sympathies^ forth to tbe Ofagai ider,'graduate - or ," student," as he curiously prefers to call himself. I trust, by the way, that this preference ia not based on the luaus a non lucendo principle, after the fashion of the laundresses in the Inns of

uourr. " Are you Mr Perker'g servant,? : ' inquired Mr Pickwick. "I am Mr Parker's laundress" replied the tfoman., •• Ah," said Mr Pickwick, half aside to Sam, "it's- a curious circumstance, Sam, that they call the old -women in theie inns laundresseg. I wonder what's that for." " 'Cos" they has * mortal awereion to washing anythin', I. suppose, sir," replied Mr Wellar. I should be sorry to think that the "etndents" of the Otago University had a mortal aversion ,to studying anything. Bat touching my sympathies. Theße naturally ingenuous youths have somehow bsen placad under the necessity of pretending that the 80-called capping ceremony of to-day — the milk and watery affair at the University— is as good, fun as 1 the. high old .function of bygone times at the Garrison Hall. Now I have the honour of being acquainted with one of the interesting number, and his advice to me on this point is " Don't you believe a word of it. No doubt, things got a bit too sultry at the Garrison Hall— l say, wasn't it fun ?— and a compromise had to be arranged, and a precious tame affair they've made of.it ; bnt don't insult our intelligence and taste by supposing that we regard the new thing as an improvement on the old. No, so.

•Oft in the stilly night, Ere slumber's chain has bound me; Fond memory brings the light Of other dajs around me. The songs and jeers Of those dead years— Tha word* of goom then spoken,— :• That awful shout • ' ■ (*t Police, police ! "} of StoufcThe Chancellor's heart htlf-broken.' •

Yes, "Oivifl," my boy, the Gfarriion Hall functions may be described in the trordg of Browning:

How sad and bad and mad it was J—

But, then, how it wa? jolly ! " I turned him out, and thonght things that cannot be uttered o£ the new undergraduate who quotes Browning.

! I prophesy that all those unregenerate persons who absolutely refuse to subscribe to the dogma of prohibition, with or without a bare majority, are going to haw a very bad time- of it for the next few months. The prohibitionists have engaged a professional orator whose name ia Walker, lit Walker, I presume, is taking tbe place of Mr Crabb, who seems to have got mixed up in & series of reciprocal, libel aotioni up north. N.o donbt Orabb,- after the manner of his kind, will go backward to Sydney, to again slang whang the. Sunday frequenters ot the Domain. Mr Walker takes » dlf- 1 ferent line from Mr Orabb. Tha forte of the latter wm retort, vide reports from the northern ewett pamn He tiblkuV

appears to be a solentiflo demonstration of the awful effects of alcohol upon- the system. It seems it alters the shape of certain oorpuEolei with deadly effect to the unhappy owner, He also likens alcohol to a river, iv every ripple of which there is human blood ; in every eddy broken beatti. It would appear, therefore, that Mr Walker's audiences like their metaphors mixed, and their •imiles hot, sweet* and strong. Bat as they pay for it tney bar* a perfect right to please themselves. , The more flowery the language the better their bargain, for if the collections are not sufficient to reimburse Mr Walker for his efforts the organisation will probably have; to make up the difference. Tempsrance advocacy Is Mr Walker's trade at present, and surely the labourer is worthy of bis hire. To judge bj the number and spontaneity of Mr Walker's testimonials, his friends in Australia must .haye been, exceedingly anxlons that he should obtain the billet of paid lecturer. This may be looked at in either of two Ways. ' Bat I donii ;'.wfint to look at it in a way adverse to Mp Walker, because that would, be unfriendly.^ whereas lam not unfriendly : lam only amused.

We have been accidentally furnished with an interesting illustration of. the method by wbfcb an sot of Parliament ie developed. la its. inchoate condition it is a etude mass of suggestions. This is the native ore, so to speak, as it is dag from thebraina of the legislator. Ic has to go through several processes before it is even ushered into Parliament to be farther burnished, as fine gold, in the shape of a statute. It was deerried, necessary to fratna an Old Age Pensions Bill. By the first crude proposal persons ; above 65 years of age who so desired it, were to receive a sum at tho discretion of the registrar — betwaen 5a and 10j per week— for the remainder of their lives. The money for the puTpose was to be raised in one of the following ways:— (l) A primage duty on impoits ; (2) a tax on wages above 30a a week; (3) a reduction in the income tax exemption; (4 and 5) a fresh land and income tax; (6) death duties: or (7) in* creased stamp duties. It is evident that the author of this scheme had some glimmoiing of an idea that those who received an old age pension ought to contribute at least something to it. But a true Liberal has evidently come along and changed all that.. " What, pay into a pension fund P— Not much 1 " Therefore the SDggestion that wages should be taxed was ignominiously thrown out. S? was the lowering of the exemption. Tbe alternative methods of raising the money put before Parliament are now (1) a beer tax ; (2) a ticket tax on entertainments, or tbe totalisator tax ; or (3) any other forms of taxation that Parliament may think fit. By some mischance, for which no doubt some subordinate will have to pay sweetly, the crude bill was laid on the table of the Hbiide. It was, however, swiftly withdrawn, and the more Liberal measure substituted. It would have baen fatal to tbe reputation of a Liberal Ministry to propose anylbicg so" illiberal as a contribution from the wages-earning class to a pension fund. Let the " Tories " pay it who have benefited by the exertions of those persons "who, during the prime of life, have helped to bear the. public bnrdens of the colony by the paying of taxes, and to open up its resources by their labour and skill." By all means olap extra duty on'beer and a tax on entertainment tickets. I shall then feel virtuous when I drink a "glass-of beer, and positively philanthropic when I go to the theatre, for shall I not be contributing to the pension of my fellow creatures who are privileged to Civis.

reach the age of 65 7