The Clubman and his Best Girl.

Otago Witness, Issue 2206, 11 June 1896, Page 52

The Clubman and his Best Girl.

The clubman was sad. It is a way that clubmen have— when broke. Of course, he had a goodly stock of clothes, and gome few delicacies in the way of fineries. What clubman has not ? But he was broke, nevertheless, and as hiibestgirl's birthday wasnearathand he thought it time to think up some tender remembrance for her. The question of the gift did nob agitate his soul so very muoh— it was the wherewithal necessary that worried him. One day he took up a paper, which boasta of a society oraole who iB posted in all these matters, and happened upon the following lines :— "Watche3 for men are now made of oxydised silver, as the prevalence of crime has made it expedient to carry nothing more valuable than a toy watch on a leather chain." The soul of the clubman waxed warm, fie hied him to his avuncular relative, where he left his gold chronometer, and, with a small part of the proceeds, fitted himself out according to the edicts of fashion, intending to devote the rest of the money to his best girl's present. But it happened by diabolioal ill-luck that it began to rain, and he rushed back to the club, where there was a kill-time nap party in progress, which, having joined, he left at midnight, a aa^der and wis^r man. The next morning he turned to the society column and read : — "Diamond liuks are no longer au fait. Gentlemen now wear lifctlo black libbous deftly tied in a bow instead." "Saved!" cried the clubrain ; and, taking off his diamond and ruby link-buttons, he betook himself once more to his nncle. Then he sallied forth to find th* present for his best girl. But it so happened that evening that he was invited into a friend's box to see the late it comic opera star ; he thought the least he could do was to take the party to dine, which he did, to the utter depletion of his finances. The next morning he called for his paper sorrowfully, and read to his deiight : — " Diamond rings and jewelled scarfpins are only worn by hotel clerks and theatrical managora. A plaiu seal ring atid a tiny gold pin is the thing." "Of course it is ! " he cried ; and once more hied himself to tho sign of the three golden Bphere3, where he left his superb jewels, and, soon arrayed in tha latest vogue, sallied forth for his best girl'd present. But, as it happeued, his tailor met him then and there, and, to save a scene of doubtful cutcomo, he left his little hjul with the tailor to avert- a scandal. Sally then he went bick to theclub. It was neevriog the fatal day. What should he do ? He was in despair. Su-ldeuly his eje* fell again upon the society column, and he read !— " Flowers and confections only are the proper things for a gentleman to give his inamorata, and expensive presents, such as je >Vels, &c , are extremely vulg»r." " Thank heaven ! " murmured the olubninn, aud, borrowing a sovereigu fcoin the first frrend who *vaq willing to aocommocU'e hun, ha betook himself to the nearest florist and confectioner and indulged his whim, even to his lait penny. "Whatever els 9 characterises my gift," he said joyfully, " I am certainly doing the swagger thing, and that is more than coiyi ;na." . # Hh best girl wai sealed upon her cosy divan awaiting him aud his royal offeriugs. When she took them from his hand, a littlo cloud of sadness and disappointment came over her faoe ; but she thought that undoubtedly the flowers or the confections only concealed some lovely diamond and-ruby tribute to her beauty fit for a queen. So she pulled the flowers apart and ate the candies to the bottom, bub, alas, no rojal gifts were there. With a flush of rage she glanced at her gal.lanfc, and then began secretly to wonder why he did not wear his lovely diamond ring, his ruby soarfpin, why his diamond links were exchanged for the ugly ribbons, and, to crown all, she had the temerity to ask him the time of day. When tho saw the oxydieed silver watch fche nearly fainted, and that night, when he had gone, she sat down aud wrote him that as she perceived that he h*d fallen from riches to poverty, aud as she would only be a burden to him in his new condition, she would release him from his engagement. The moral of this little atory is not to do too much preliminary popping be"ore calling on " her."