FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2203, 21 May 1896, Page 41

FUN AND FANCY.

— Give good advice and—get yourself dtelfked. — Working for bare life—Miking clothes for a new baby. — Hot Springe.—Jumping from the fryingpan into the fire. — What ia done cannot be undone, especially if it is a hard-boiled egg. — Every man must pay for his own tuition In the school of experience. — Diplomacy consists largely in baokicg do-sm with dignity when you have gone too far. —It ia better to give than to reoeive. ■ It ooets more, and - that is the standard of excellence nowadays. — The man who was arrested for stealing a mirror reluctantly admitted that he had a gis** too much. — There is nothing raoro aggravating to a man with a secret than to meet people who have no cutiosUy. — Those who believe that the world owes them a living don't know how many bad debt" it has to shoulder. — Nell: " I shouldn't like to ba in your phots ?" . Btlle : " No, they'd pinch yon frightfully, weuldn't they ? " — " Why don't you marry that girl ? She is a r«al pearl."—" Ab, yes; but I don't like the mot h#r of pearl." — A notice in a cheap lesraurant in Chicago says; "Do not tip tbe waiter. He make* more than the boss, and has a half daj rft." ; -- — When a man gets up in the morning, he grumbles if his breakfast is not rea<Jy ; but if he goes fishing, he oan wait .all day for a bite. — Its Penalty.—Noshance : " Surely you do not regard poverty as a crime ? " Miss Kicbleigb : " No-o; still, it is punishable by hard labour." ■— '' Well, how is the cycling crez<» in this part of tbe country ? "— " Falling off," said the pret ly cyclist, as she tood a header over the bandla-bar. — N» Material.—" How is it I never sea yon killing time?" asked the idle person. 111 can't find the time," •said the busy man, in perfect innocence. — Insinuating. — "I hadn't been talking vrirh him three minutes before he called me an asß. What sort cf person do you take him to be 1"—" Well, I never knew him to tell a lie." — Withont Experience.—She : " I notice that it is the Biogle men wko are the most anxious to go to war.'.' He (much married) : " Yea. Th^y don't know what war is." — Rhe: " Why, Charles, how can you call ilise J<\mss plain 1 > I wish I was only half as good-looking." He: " Yon are, Hatty, and you know it." — " There are many things in this world to wh!ch we must shut our eyes," said the paternal Gibson. " Yes, pa, and soap is one of them," said young Thomas, who bad received a " thorough good scrubbing " at the hands of his mother. —A: " How did your daughter pass her examination for a position as teacher 1" B: " Pass I She didn't pass at all.. Maybe yon won't believe it, but thay asked that poor girl about things that happened before she wa3 born I" — A couple of burglars were trying to "effect their entrance into a house. The manager of the establishment heard them, and, opening the- window' gently, he observed, " You had better come again after a while, as v? 6 haven't all gone to bed yet," Mother's out upon her " bike," liojoyin' of the fun; Siiter and her beau have gone To take a little run; The housemaid and the cook are both A-ridin* of their wheels; An' daddy's in the kitchen A-cookin' of the meals. — Anxious to Begin: " Will yoa think of me when I'm gone ?" asked Mr Linger sentimentally as the hands of the clock moved towards 12. "Oertainly," replied MiES Kittish; " how soon shall I have an opportunity to begin thinking ? " — Mrs Jinks: "Nothing to-day." The Tramp: " Well, mam, if yer don't give me ■ttmthin' to eat, I'll report yer to the hull paifesslon as makia' the best mince pie in the neighbourhood an* bein' very liberal to strangers." — A bo-called wit, the other day, upon meeting an acquaintance about to be married to an heiresi of the name of Abernethy, accosted bim in this wise :—" Halloa 1 old chap, allow me to congratulate yoa. Going to marry Misa Biscuits, I hear 2 " " Yes, and the tin, too,'' was the reply. — "Step this way, please, ladies,"said the gracious shopwalker at a large drapery emporium as he Ted off with a majestic wave of the hand. "We are sorry," returned one of the fair customers demurely," bat we haven't really learnt to step that way." " But we'll try," pat In another. And they all did, Imitating that haughty shopwalker. till he Wiibed he bad never been born, Mother Graves' Worm Exterminator has no equal for destroying worms in children and adults. See ttat i 9» get tbe m&a* wfaea ABichftSuig,