PASSING NOTES.

Otago Witness, Issue 2202, 14 May 1896, Page 38

PASSING NOTES.

A Considebaie , but anonymous correspondent has sent me a clipping from a news* paper which, from circumstantial evidence, 1 have no difficulty in reoognising as tbe GHsegow Weekiy Mail. It will be remembered that M»rk Twain discovered that it was -part of his barber's duty to clean the jampi, ,and he elicited this faofc by circumstantial evidence afforded when the aforesaid barber inserted his finger into his sitter's mouth for the purpose of distending bis cheek. I think Mark ought not to have mentioned that circumstance, No peraoo familiar with the story of the Yankee at the court o£ King Arthur would ever believe it necessary to distend that which had already attained colossal proportions and impervious ~ obduracy. Nor wonld I impute to my' anonymous contributor a deairc to inflict; upon me an experience bo disagreeable as must have befallen Mark from the taste of .a "finger liberally redolent of kerosene. Oa the oontrary, he evidently desired to give me pleasure and through me my readers, who, I am credibly informed, are legion. That is as it may be. I accept suoh testimony in the conventional spirit in which it is tendered, as the editor regards the correspondent who refers to hia " able " leader, and then incontinently proceeds to tear it to shreds. Such amenities are the savonr of life. A duel is none the less bitter because -the combat ante first bow to each other. Nor, I may add, is a woman's quarrel any the less deadly because the fair controversialists profess undying regard for each other Qvidt the correspondence between M. Hat ton and ,S. J. Hancock, still raging in two .papers, and dpubtle&g at half a hundred firesides). It will bs seen .that this note is some-Tvi«at discursive; bnfc, having strayed fiom ths point, how is one to regain it unless he is die cursive ? This, yon see, brings xna back to my muttons, wtaioh is the extract already mentioned.

There are correspondents and correspondents. Borne there are wbo, having unearthed a good thing, prooaerl to annotate it for my eapedisfl benefit, like those exceedingly unplsasautperßons who punctuate their jokes by, poking, you, in the .ribs, no that next morning .In your tub you see that your skin bears a record of their number. and value, as they say at bankruptcy meetings. Others there are, again, who when they 6&8 Bometbing spicy immediai ely ait down and writ 9 a Passing Nose about it, hoping no doubt to attain popularily'by hanging on to the skirts of " Civis," just as. some one of whom I have read reached Heaven by the strength of his grip on a predecessor's coat tai!s. Snob persons .snatch a fearful joy from the unwonted sight of themselves in print — that is, if they gat there, which is by no means a certainty. The worst of uucb correspondents is that they almost invariably Is we me in the dark as to the source of their amusement. They leara the incident or the extract to be inferred, and this puts me in doubt whether they are or are not seeking to use a thunderbolt to annihilate a'fly. Millions of potential humorists remain in undeserved obscurity beoanse they have not .sufficiently explained tbemselves.at the joutsat. But for fear of being again discursive I might enlarge upon thisitbems. A third class of correspondents includes those who merely cnt oat what a Scotchman would call a "'swatch " — tho English for whioh as 'nearly as possible is a pattern such as tailor* send ac a sample — from a paper and send it without comment. The implied compliment is gratifying, no doubt, but It is BometimeE somewhat embarrassing.

It is especially embarrassing when both Sides of the -extract contain matter that might be maoerated-into a Passing Note ; and that is precisely my difficulty on the present' 'ocoasion. On one sido I sea a "poem", entitled "As Oth'eis Sse Us " — evidently an aoswer to some Cockney who had averred At that, from motives of economy, Glasgow men with large salaries live with their families in one room." The first aud last stanzas will suffice : ' Oh ! ttubhful Cockney, you have shown How we in Glasgow live our lives, And cheerful pig— bat not alone,— We have our children and our wiT63 ! Oh I m?te than truthful, candid trienu, A humble Scot extends his band ; I, too, have 'lied —my way* I'll mend— Against thy skill I mr.y not stand ! This must be what my unknown correspondent wished me to .notice. And, making due allowance for the hereditary animosity — dating from tbe time when a Scotch king went to reign at London, talriog a horde of needy and bare-sbanked fellow countrymen in his train — between Cockneys and the Scotch, I have no difficulty in giving credence to the allegation. That Scotchmen are economical will not be denied. It can be proved that their extreme frugality leads to the sharing not only of rooms but "of beds, If folk lore proves anything, it proves that. There are sayings in abundancs on tbe point. When a Scotchman wants to describe a crush be says, " As thramg as three in a bed," thus provingtbat three in a bed is such a familiar occurrence as to be known by everybody. Then we have the equally well-known phrase, " Heads and thraws," meaning heads and feet in opposite directions. To what does this refer bat to a well-known habit of economising bed space by lying in the manner described? We have also "The wrong «de of the blanket," indicating another phase of domestic exigency not necessary to Bpeoify more fully. In fine, all the evidence a iniwoss of th« ntattmeat of the Cockney.

If any further proof were required it may be found in the phrase, " A bat *nd abeo" — 'i c., an outer and an inner room, signifying jthe very height of domiciliary luxury. The presumption is that the Cockney wa« gutte .right. The very resentment of the* Jbaidlet who replies- ihows that Ahew) is Something ia it. What was on the othor side of .the clip•piDg I have not left room to my.

So tnnob for Glasgow— *• tha second oity in the TSmpire," as the dwellers by the Clyde love to call the smoky commercial capital of Scotland. To change the venue, as tbe lawyers say, I notioethat the good people of Edinburgh are gradually becoming; mare and more enlightened and not quite jk> atriot in the observance of th« " Sawbath." Some months ago I referred to the fact that the Town Council of .Edinburgh had consented to allow the bur'gesßGS to play golf on Sandays on the pubic links adjoining tho city. It now appears that Dhe golfers of " Auld Reekie " have availeS themselves of this kind permission to .a largo extent — so much ao, indeed, as to endanger the lives and limbs of the non golfing 6itizons who are wont to wander over the Braid Hills on Sundays. A deputation bos accordingly waited (without success) on the Lord Provost, r* questing him to recall the pormißsion to play .golf on tha Braids on 'the ground that it is dangerous to ptdestrians, and not that it in unscriptural. The deputation Qnirctbile diotu) wai almost -entirely composed of ITree Ohuroh people, and included the Hodariror of tha General Asbeinbly of the Tree K>rk, which used 'to be regarded as the fltrict«st of the Scottish soots (always exoapUSg the Auld Lichtej). Sorely snoh 'goingrf on in Bauctioionioufl Edinburgh .are oaloula»ed to make" Johb Kaax turn in his grave. It was bad enough for the Town Council to wink «t golfing on Sunday?, but for the leaders pf the Free Kirk, to come forward as the -champions of the Sabbathbreakers, who actually go walking on the Lord's Day, in altog«t,her too much. A'as, alas ! I fear that the successors of Chalmers and C^ndlish aro departing from the ancient paths.

More in sorrow than in anger, Miss S. J. Hancdck admits that her opinion of Mrs Hatton iB not what it used to bo ; but she will take her to her bo ■ ru 'jgain if she will cpiae ' out from her pressi.it position and declare her real opinion about the advisability or necessity of Bible-reiding in schools. As Miss Hevnoook shrewdly rerhnrkfl, it ia one thing to differ from a person and quite another to entertain feelings of -animosity agniast that person. It is not that shs loves Mrs Hatton less, but that she loves the Bfok-in-Bchools more. Mrs Hatton, in her capacity of president of the ' Women's Franchise League, Tvas, and is, a most e*t ; niable lady— Miss Hincook, indeed, has 'higher words of eulogiuoa 'than «yen these, — but Mra Hatton, aB a representative *t the National Convention dfWomen. voting for the gectilaiitj of the system of edncation, in something- too awful to be oharscteTised. In 'feet:, in Mi«s Hancaok ? a opinion, Mr« Hatton ia an antipodean Dr Jekyll and Mr Hjds. At tho. meetings of the league she ia all .sweetness and light-, and at the convention a ruthless ; destroyer of 'ail that makesior awefitneaa and light. Perhaps the two characters are not incompatible. Instances of it ocoar very frequently. Mr Saddon vigorously crowing and flapping his wings on his own roost at Eumßra is a very different person from the argumentative Premier who vainly tries to convince a hostile audience 'elsewhere. Mr John M'K*nzte, rowing againot Sir Walter Bailer when under the privilege of the House, would not bo recognised in the man who refused to say the same •things when trie law of libel could be soad* to teaoh him. Without Imputing to Mvs.Hatton any of the political peculiarities ascribed to tha hon. gentlemen I have named, it it. not unreasonable to suggest that tho lady ia 1 a twin personality — a Woman's Franchiser, -with -all its oUligationa, iv Diuiufiin, and a member of the convention," with entirely different obligations, in Obristchuroh.

The Workers' Politioal Committee .has been inlabonr, and has at last brought iorfch a " platform." I observe that the platform is .axig-zeSted as suitable for afi« " by the Lftbour party for the whole colony." It is certainly wide enough for the whole colony: whether or not it is strong enough is a different question. Its primary object is " Reform " — reform, t>y the way, of othor paople and their affairs, not of the " workers " or their "Political Committee," who already are .presumably perfect; and beyond (he possibility x>f improvement or reform. Somo of tlie "'planks" of this imposiug structure »to decidedly interesting reading. For example, clause 3 of " Labour Reform " runs thus : — " The curtsiling of the hours of labour by Btatntenntilevery member of the community can be employed." Now this is really an excellent eaggestion. I wish lfc were in force now. Then perhaps some member of the Workers' Political Committee would have to sit up late at nights writing Passing Notes, instead of poor "Oivis." Again, clause 9, of "Social Beform"' also meets with my most hearty approval : — " The •curtailment by the State of the individual acqnisiEion of wealth, either by a progressive wealth tax, a progressive probate duty, or by direct legislation." Thin, too, is excellent, but I think will prove unnecessary if the 'houra of labouf are sufficiently " curtailed." There will soon be no wealth to " curtail," if the hours of labour are made short enough, and the labourer in his turn will not care to work overtime if his surplus earnings are to be gives to his lazier brethren, even though they should happen to belong to a Workers' ,(?) Politioal Committee.^

" I am not a gentleman wbo goes around tbe city in the capaoity of a 'guinea pig.'— (L^ugbter.) I have always avoided duties of that kind." So »aia Sir W. P. Manning the other day in a speech at Sydney, and I dare Bay many of our local ' guio*a pigs ' are beginning to wish they had followed the example of the ex-Mayor of Sjdney. The lot of a company director is not always a happy one. Director-baiting is becoming quite a fashionable sport ia Dunedin. The late director! of the Oolonial Bank have got over their troubles, for the present atallovents, and it is now the turn of those, gentlemen who manage the affaire of the Weatport Coal Q°»Bajß, %£ro Izcwressible Fish la asaia in

the thickeit of the fray, ably saoonded byjffir 'Henry Nocth. Mr H. S. Fish doas not seem to have -been iniifl best form at tho recent extraordinary meeting- of .the Weatpoit Company?B siuureholderfl, and there was some seicusfifor Mr B. IS O»cglll in Mb vigorouß ■defence of himself and .bi« fellow-dlreotoni. At same time it iwss node — 4< exesodlngly rude" rb Mr Hunter put ife-fiof lit OargiH to describe Mt Fish's remarks aa "«aU«"»ble rot" «nd "nonamuw." There was something delicious, too, in He Cargiira eubsequeat indignation at the bara suggestion that he had been inSte either to Mv Fifth or to Mr Hunter. "I am never rude .to an j body ! " he exclaimed with aome beat ; and thereupon proceeded to .prove .his position by .informing the onfortunata Mr Hunter that he,(Mr Honiier) woa lazceedingly rude, and did cot " know -senae." This, I •nppoßo, was by way -.of "pleading for p»aoe and goodwill and mnfenaloonfidcnce." Vorily, «veu guinea piga, like worms, will turn when trodden on. • OiTIB.