FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2116, 13 September 1894, Page 39

FUN AND FANCY.

7— It requires no self-denial for a pawnbroker to keep the pledge. — It is always surprising how much deeper a hole is after one gets into it.

— There are 4500 species of bees, but, happily, only one sort of sting.

— It is probably the number of tars on board which makes a vessel pitch.

— A lady who suffers from kleptomania says she has taken about everything for it.

— It frequently happens that the fire of genius has difficulty in making the pot boll. , — The worst cases of incompatibility of temper occur when both parties have the same kind of temper, and plenty of it.

— Mrs Gossip: "One half the world doesn't know how the othei»half lives." Mr G. : "But it isn't the feminine half that is ignorant."

— Mother : " And what do you think of my daughter's French, count ? " Count : "Est ees ze most astonishing French I haf evaire heard."

— Ethel: "Was the wedding a very brilliant one 2 " Gladys j " Oh, very ; they had to employ four detectives to watoh the wedding presents." — Edith t " I'm in a quandary ! " luabel : J! 1 What 2 " Edith : " Tom promises to stop drinking if I marry him, and Jack threatens to begin if I don't I "

— Excused. — Mother : " Good gracious 1 How did you get so muddy 1 " Small Son : " Runnin' home to see if there was anything you wanted me to do."

— Mike : "They do be after tellin' me at the dispensary that I have insomnia, Biddy." Biddy : " Thin why don't yez be afther goin' to bed and slapin' it off 1 "

— At Brighton. — Jack : " I hear that yon and Oholly are both in love with May 1 " Obappie : " Ya-as. It was too much for one of us to undertake alone." Better to hunt in f slds for health unsought Than fee the doctor for a nauseous draught. The wise for cure on exercise depend ; God never made His work for man to mend. * - . — D»yden. — Tom: " The management seem to have spared no expense in the produotidn of this play." Kitty; "No, indeed; they have given each chorus girl at least three coats of paint." — " This is a little late for you to be out, isn't it, Peck 2 " Aren't you afraid your wife •will mies you 2 " Mr N. Peck : " I hope she will. She can fling -things pretty straight, though." . — A sperting paper gives directions for "preserving harness." . Preserved harness may be considered very palatable by those who like that sort of thing, but we don't want a bit in our mouth. — Bdggs l " There is • one thing I admire about your wife, if you will permit me to Say so. She is always so outspoken." N. Peok : " She may be outspoken, but I must say I never knew her to be out-talked."

— " Dah's Bumpin' qu'ah 'bout de way folks diessfl dese hynh times," said ft coloured philosopher. " Seems ter me dat de gals all wants ter be puffiok gemmen an' de young men is tryin' ter be puffick ladies." — -Someone is said to have invented a substance that can be seen through more clearly than glais. We don't know what it can be, unless it is a man's excuse to his wife for not returning home before two a.m.

— " Bntwhat can yon do, young man 7 Haven't you some special talent or taste — some bent, as they say 2 " * Applicant (dubiously): "N-no, not that I can think of — except that I am a little bow-legged." — New Salesmen : " What are yon all laughing at 2 I don't see anything fanny in that story." Old Salesman (in a whiiper) : "It's old Jenkins, tho proprietor, that's telling it." New Salesmen (loudly) : " Ha, ha, ha!" —Mr Oldbeau : " I admit that there is-r er— some difference in our ages, bat think of the advantages of such ft wealthy alliance." Hiss Youngthing: "It cannot lie, Mr Oldbeau, but I will always be ft granddaughter to you." — At Niagara.— FirstStranger : " Ah, sir ; •eenu a shame all this going to waste." Second Stranger: "Jesso, Jessol". First Stranger j " Are you a meohanical engineer, taxi" Second Stranger: "No, sir: I'm a milkman." — Mistress rto new cook)j "We dine preoiwly at two on Wednesdays. We always go for a drive, and the carriage is^rdered for three sharp." Cook (scared)? ?'Beg your