The Inconsistencies of Man. BY ONE OF HIS SISTERS.

Otago Witness, Issue 2087, 22 February 1894, Page 49

The Inconsistencies of Man. BY ONE OF HIS SISTERS.

A man can take his life in his hand and go boldly into the trackless prairie to meet a herd of savage buffaloes, x>r he can traverse the horrors of an African jungle without a shudder in his body. But he cannot enter a fancy wool shop to match a special hue without breaking into a violent perspiration, and finally rushing away without fulfilling his task. A man can suffer the amputation of a limb in heroic silence, but he cannot endure a mustard plaster on his chest without shrieking aloud for mercy. A man can bear the deprivation of his wealth with the calmness of a Stoic, but he cannot lose his collar stud on the bedroom floor without a violent outburst of temper. A man can endure the pangs of hunger on a desert island with a brave spirit, but he cannot eat his bride's first pudding without a smothered ejaculation. A man can smile grimly under the tortures of the rack, but he cannot tread on a tin tack with his bare foot without a bitter howl. A man can walk 40 miles a day and arrive fresh and bright at the end of his journey, but he cannot nurse a baby half an hour without complaining that he is utterly worn out. A man can calculate to the uttermost farthing the cost of a Suez Canal, but he cannot estimate the price of a woman's bonnet without egregious errors. A man can stand five hours under a blazing sun to watch a cricket match, but he cannot sit 10 minutes by the bedside of a sick child with- ■ out falling asleep. A man can be a senior wrangler and acquire fame as an authority on tho most abstruse subjects, but he cannot answer the questions of a three-year-old child without revealing his ignorance. • A man can possess the physical s trength of a i Samson, but he cannot help to take down the pictures for the annual spring cleaning without feeling completely exhausted with his labours. A man can beard the savage tiger in his lair without a quiver of his muscles, but he cannot bring an unexpected friend to dinner on a washing day without trembling in every limb. A man can suffer death at the stake with the dignity of a martyr, but he cannot chase after his hat in a public road without looking ridiculous. A man can wait many years in proud silence for the public appreciation of his work, but at a domestic crisis he cannot get up and light the fire every day for a week without feeling that he is fit for immediate canonisation. A man will go through fire and water to win the girl of his heart, but he will not allow her to see him with a four days' growth on his chin. A man will write a book on woman's idiotic slavery to fashion, but he will walk through town on a hot summer day with bis trousers turned up without feeling himself a fool. A man will inveigh against the amount of his tailor's bill, but he will ask double the value of his worn-out fcuit from the old clotheswoman. A man can swear eternal fidelity to a woman, and yet allow her' to sue him for breach of promise. Iv short, a man can be and is the most delightfully inconsistent creature on the face of the earth.