FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 2014, 29 September 1892, Page 37

FUN AND FANCY.

A very designing man — An architect. — " I'm up in arms again," as the baby remarked at 2 a.m. The picture of health goe3 with a contented frame of mind. The man with an impediment iff his sp3ech never speaks well of anybody. The morbid mind is generally one which lacks a good memory for f orgetfalness. The reason a dog can look so knowing is because he can't say anything to spoil the effect. — " They *ay Green has bean wandering in his mind* lately." " Well, he's safe enough ; he can't get fai\" — The sphere of a woman may indeed be boundless, but she has to stop when she comes to a wire fence.

—Mh Figg : " Where is the custard I put away this morning ?" Tommy: "I — I guess it vanished into the empt.y heir."

— "I beg your pardon, ma'am, but your sccount is overdrawn." "Dear me! Why, I've pot a whole lot of cheques left." — It is the man who has to live on bread and cheese at home who finds the most fault with the truffle and game pie when he travel?. — Mmntain Guide (thirsty): "There is not a better prospect for miles round. Here, gentlemen, you command a view of 32 inns." Marie : " Why, Ethel what is the matter with Fido ? " Ethel : " Isn't it too bad ? I gave him to the laundress to wa e h, and she starched him 1 " —Mr Impressionist :." That's my last, there, on the easel. Now, that is a picture, Squibs." Squibs : " Yes,, so it i?. I can tell that by the frame." — It makes no difference how littlo a boy is, when his mother scolds him she always nayj : " You ought to be ashamed of yourself—a big boy like you 1 " — Teacher : " Cau anybody tell me why the multiplication table stops at 12 1 " Son of Superstitious Parent : " 'Cause ma says it's unlucky to have 13 afc table." — Bessie: "Here's a gooseberry for you, with.it's hair all standing up," Hilda : ••Well. I'm not surprised, I 'spects he's 'fraid 'cavES I'm going to eat him." i — Father : " Everything I say to you goes \ in at one ear aud out at the other," Little j Son (thoughtfully): "I* that what little boys has two ears for, papa? " — Woman of the world to youthful admirer: "You seem to know a great deal of married life. Are you married ? " Smith, with a blas.6 air : " No ; but my father is." — London in 1892.— Quiller: "What ye you stu3ying German for ? You are not going to Germany, are you ? " Clarke : " No ; but all the other clerks in our office are Germans." . , — A London child (whose mother was a washerwoman) Beeing s the sea, which was very rough, for the first time, exclaimed, "My mother ought to be here. What a lot o' suds 1 " Someone pays that the " happiest-100k r ing man is the one who is not burdened with wealth." He evidently did not form his opinion from seeing a friend returning from the races. — Teacher.: "Now, if you stand faping the west, will' the north be on your right hand or left hand ? " New Scholar : " I'm sure I don't know, ma'am ; I'm a stranger in , these parts." • j — Jimmy : "Pa, I wish I could be a pirate : and fail the Spanish main and scuttle ships " j Mr Scrimp : ',' Well, you just take this scuttle ! and sail downstairs, and pirate some coal from Smith's cellar." — Little Bobby's advice to little brothers : 41 Whenever one of your sisters has a gentleman in to see her, and asks you to go and get a glass of water, go iust as quickly as you can, bat you needn't bo in a hurry about coming back." , — He : "I see that old Mr Bentley was buried yesterday." Wife (shocked) : "Why, is old Mr Bentley dead ? " He (who has just been " sat upon ") : " The paper doesn't say whether he is dead or not ; simply that he was buried yesterday*" — Manager : " Your play is marvellously good. Its one fault is that it is beyond the abilities of my company." Dramatist: "Then how can I get it produced?" Manager : " You can easily get an amateur company to undertake it." — Lady (helping to lobster salad) : " I snDpose, Mr O'Finnigan, that you are not accustomed to this dish in your country?" Mr O'Finnigan ( (concealing his ignorance); "Lobsthers is it, madam? Faith, ma'am, tte*shores of Oil eland is red wii 'em I "

"—" — A certain " lady of colour " was asked a few days sinse why she never wore white, as black people were generally fond of decking themselves out in showy apparel. " 'Cop," said she, " I always think a white dress mike 3 a nigger look liki a fly in a pan ol milk."

— A young lady ate half a wedding cake, and then went to sleep to dream of iier future husband. She awoke in the middle of the night in a dreadful state of alarm, and declared that she would rather remain single for a thousand years than nmry the man she saw in her dream. « What have you ramea your baby, Ristus?" "Sim Pro Tern Johnson, sah." " What is the Pro Tern for ? " "To show that the name is only temporary, sab. We kind ol'o 1 ' thought Sam might like to choose his own' name w.hen'he growed up, sab, so we put the Pro Tern in as a warning to de public."

FtORIWNE 1-FOE THE TEETH AND BIIEATH.--A few drops of the liquid "Flonlme 1 SP"**"* on a wet toothbrush produces a pleasant lather, which thoroughly cleanses the teeth from ol aprasites or impurities, hardens the quins, prevents tartar, stops decay, gives to the teeth a peculiar pearly whiteness, and a delightful fra erance to the breath. It removes all unpleasant odour arising from decayed teeth or. tobacco emoke. "The Fragrant lloriline," being com nosed in oart of honey and sweet herbs, tad* §&*&&»& 19*4, lw<o*.-"M»**<i