It Was Never Fought.

Otago Witness, Issue 2013, 22 September 1892, Page 46

It Was Never Fought.

Cook, the actor, having one day, while upon tour iv the provinces, mortally offended an irascible gentleman, was tho noxfc morning waited on by a friend of the aggrieved party, who called with a view to arranging a duel. The gentleman having explained his business, Cook declared he was most willing to give the gentleman the satisfaction he required, and it was arranged that the combatants should meet the next morning at an early hour in a secluded spot in the neighbourhood. "And the weapons?" asked the gentleman.

"Weapons ? Oh, yes, of course," exclaimed Cook. " Shall they be swords ? " "Swords, sir ! No, sir." "Pistols, then!" "Pistols! No, sir.""What shall they be then?" asked the visitor.

Cook drew himself up to his tallest, and in hollow, deliberate, sanguinary tones declared :

•'Sir, the weapons you have named would totally fail as a means of expressing my mortal hatred. I must have blood, sir, blood, and plenty of that ! We will fight, sir, with "—a little pause and a sweep of the hand preceded the word—" cannon."

No arguments as to the difficulties of arranging a combat with ouch weapons were of any avail. He had his choice of weapons, and cannon they should be. At length the visitor lost his temper. " I don't believe you want to fight at all," he said. " I don't believe you would fight him with popguns." • Cook assumed his most solemn air. " Sir," he thundered, " 1 would ! "