ENGLISH AS SHE IS SPOKE IN ENGLAND.

Otago Witness, Issue 1994, 12 May 1892, Page 39

ENGLISH AS SHE IS SPOKE IN ENGLAND.

It is, difficult to know in what district the least objectionable pronunciation obtains, as defects prevail from north to south, east to west, and amongst all ranks and classes. If even in any given locality an uniform system were adopted, the mystery would not be so inexplicable. Take the northern "U " for instance; mug becomes "moog," and sugar " shugger." A Scotsman writes : The first time I landed at Euston station I went straight for a cab, and asked cabby whether he were disengaged. 1 could not catch the reply. " Are you engaged ? " I repeated. "Fo weelah, sa 1 " he replied. I said, " Look here, I want a cab. Are you engaged 1 " " Fo weelab, sa ? " " Beg pardon." "Fo weelah, sa?" "Will you tell me whether you are engaged or not ? Yes or no ? " " iTo weelah, sa 1 " Calling a porter, I remarked that cabby was apparently a foreigner who did not understand English, and requested him to learn whether he was disengaged. Then I ascertained that, according to English as she is spoken in London, " Fo weelab, sa," stood for " Four wheeler, sir ? " The most noticeable thing to Scotsmen is how the language becomes emasculated immediately on crossing the border ; there is no longer any back hone in it. The letter "r" has mostly disappeared, and the accepted pronunciation of some of the vowels has no place in the Englishman's mouth — e.g., the long "o" invariably issues from English lips aa " ow." But, as already stated, one cannot formulate any rule on whi3h our friends act in their manner of speech. For instance, the upper look down on the lower classes for dropping the " b." Well, the lower class drop the " h," and, by a double shuffle, Btick it on again at the wrong place, but that is apparently a matter of small importance. The member of the " uppa succle " looks down upon them, and to show how the matter should be he has a bit of a double shuffle on his own account. " Porter," " waiter," with him become " pawtab," " waitab," but, apparentlyhaving some kind of hazy notion that the letter "r" should come in somewhere, he waits until he comes across such words as " India," " idea," &c, when he compromises by ohanging them into " Indiar," " idear," &c , in this way ridding himself of some of the surplus stock of the letter 4< r" which must have accumulated on his hands. It is insufferably vulgar to drop the " h," but the best of " ton " to drop the " g "—thus, the English " masba " goes out '♦ rydin'," and bia horse goes "spankin' " along at a " rippin' " rate. Bat an Englishman is justly famed for his notiona of fair play, so a section of the population bestows its sympathy on the poor " g," and in order that there may be no mistake about its being there, they speak bf "somethink," "nothink," "anythink," &c. In fact there is a regular game of Beesaw:— '— Shuggar. Moog. — —-" A Nothin..*,^^^ Nothink. Waltah. *~-~^~ o\{0 \{ Air of the .~~~>~~*» Hair of A theHat/Jl^^. mosphere. The law of average seems to put matters right. There is a common quiz in Scotland to the following effect : — "Dugald, wasa you on the pier this mornin 11"1 1 " "I did." " An' tid you see Tonald ? " " I wass." Strange as it may appear, something like this occurs all over England. Anglicised it would read : — " John, were you on the peea this raawning ? " "I was." " Have you seen Tom ? " " No, I ain't " (am not). There is no present indicative of the verb "to have not" in the English as she is spoken south of the Tweed. The one word " ain't " stands for "am not," " arenof ," and — to save mental worry perhaps— is also made to do duty for " have not." Thus at Englishman would say " I ain't going," " I ain't been there." Scotland was supposed to be the home of the pipers, but there are, perhaps, more pipers in London than in all broad Scotland, only in London they are " news " (beg pardon) " noospipers." There was once a Oockney adjutant in a Scots regiment who need to get matters somewhat mixed over the letter " a." He would call for the markers " Fall in the mahkas," then in checking off j these individuals he might find '< A " Com- ] pany marker awanting. " Where ia the mahka for• I ' Company 1 " he would shout. Immediately the barrack yard resounded with " Marker f or •I ' Company wanted." " Come along. Anyone will do." Two or three men would rush forward and declare themselves to be members of "I" Company. •sj don't want 'I' Company. I said* l Company,' "

Finally "A " Company marker would come forward and would get a wigging, and on being asked " didn't he hear •I ' Company marker bein' shouted for 1 " would tremblingly reply ihat he thought it waß "I " Company man who was wanted.

" You're to saucy, you are. You'd bottali gow and le'un your awlpbibit overagyne." Scots people sometimes wonder .whether the - English eat their tea or milk besides eating their soup or porridge, and if notj why not. English mamma: "Johnnie) deab, why dou'c you ent your milk ? "

Johnnie : " Please, mamma, I ain't (am not) got no knife and fork." Now, the Scots go through their dishos by regular gradations. They drink their milk, &c , when no help of spoon is required ; they sip their tea or toddy when the operation is done in teaspoonfuls ; they sup their porridge, soup, &c, when a dessert or tablespoon comes into play ; and they eat meats which are carried to the mouth bodily, or which call for the manipulation of knife and fork and the assistance of the teeth.

When an Englishman feels a smell, say of burning, he has apparently no recognised method of conveying his impression to others. He will probably say: "There is conveyed to my olfactory nerves a sense of something which is apparently in a state, of open or latent combustion " ; and, while he is getting his tongue round all this, bis coattails are things of the past. The Scotsman (more practical) will simply say, " I feel a smell o' burnin'," and immediately sit on the place and thus extinguish the fire before the other had made up his mind in what particular form he would express hire self. But when more closely affee'ed, the Englishman also becomes more practical, and be feels anger, feels pain, feels insult, &c. He may also feel a suspicion, feel a sense of dissatisfaction, but never, oh no, never, a sense of smell. He is nothing if not self-contra-dictory.

Yes, inconsistency is the Englishman's strong point. He will speak to you of hard frost, but will objsct to you using the term soft to designate the opposite kind of climatic conditions.

English people will " dear" and " darlirg" on the slightest provocation. It ia probably because these are soft names that they don't generally hurt when thrown about so recklessly. It is probably due to this national custom that when a pair of English turtledoves fall in love they require to manufacture a new language to suit the occasion, and so we have the " darlingest" the " lov- . ingeßt," the " ownest own," and many other similar terms of endearment.

Were a Scotsman in company to " darling " his dear one be would probably be led to the door, and receive the parting injunction from his host to " gang awa' hame fco his mither." and to " tell her to bathe his feet and get him awa' to bed as quickly aa possible, as its evident there's something workin' on him." — Alex. G. Chalmers in Tit Bits.