FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 1966, 29 October 1891, Page 45

FUN AND FANCY.

—A smart schoolboy says it takes thirteen letters to spell "cow," and proves it thus— " See O double you." — "Boy, which is the quickest way for me to get to the railway station ? " Accommodating Boy : " Run." — Visitor: "I suppose your daughter is busily preparing for her wedding ? " Mother : " Yes ; she is up in her room now destroying all her old letters." — Rapp : ••• I look upon you, sir, as a rascal." Partee: "You are privileged to look upon me in any character you desire to assume, sir." — Practical. — A. : " I see you wear crape round your hat; what have you gone into mourning for 1" B. : " The lamentable condition of my tile I " # •" My youth has flown," remarked the Chicago girl after witnessing the fence jumping contest between the young man and her pa's bulldog. — Mr Jones : I move that Mr Smith's resignation be accepted." The Chairman (surprised): "What resignation?" Mr Jones: " The one he ought to send in." —Model Patients.— "There goes a doctor, not one of whose patients has ever complained of his treatment." —" How is that?"— "He i. a— vet." —Tom.' "Italways strikes me that your ,fianc§e is;a very cold girl." Jack: .".My dear fellow, if you paid for the ice cream she eats, you'd think she had every reason to be cold." —Mr Tozer (sadly) : " Nothing equals the scepticism of married wotnen." Mrs Tozer : "Your mistaken, my dear; there is one thing."—" What is it 'I "— " The credulity of the unmarried ones." —On a Steamboat.— Nervous Passenger; "And are you sure there is. no danger, officer?" Officer: "Not a bit; The captain's juSt gone to .take a nap because it's too foggy to see anything." — Fred : " Why are unhappy lovers like a Frighton girl's feet ?" Gub: " Because they are all soul, I suppose." "Guess again." "Give it up. Why?" "Because you can tell them by their sighs." —Heard in the Front Row.— Mr de Wolf : " I am going out to see a man, my dear." Mrs de W. : "Well, for heaven's sake, if you find one send him in here, I have grown tired of sitting next to a spirit cask." —A young miss of 16 asks what is the proper thing for her to do when she is serenaded by a party of gentlemen at a late hour. We are glad to be able to answer this question. Stealsoftly downstairs and untie the dog. — "Dear Jack, — Come to-morrow evening, certain. Pa is ai home, but is laid up with a sore foot.-j-CoRA." "Dear Cora, —I can't come to-morrow evening. lam laid up on account of your papa's sore foot. — Jack." — " Oh, children 1 You are so noisy today. Can't you be a little stiller and better ? " —"Now, grandma, you must be a little considerate, and not scold us. You see, if it wasn't for us you wouldn't be a grandmaat all." , —Sunday School Teacher: " The prodigal son suffered dreadtully for his wickedness in running away from home, but when he returned his father forgave him, and killed the fatted calf." The New Pupil : « But what did they kill the fatted calf for ? Hadn't he Btayed at home all the time ? " — There would seem to be considerable danger in having brains I Well, it is not a danger to which everybody is exposed, is it 1 The story goes that when that great divine and essayist, the Rev. Robert Hall, was v in a lunatic asylum, a visitor asked him what had brought him there? Tapping his forehead significantly, he replied, '.'What will never bring you, sir — too much brain." • —A very funny story is-- told by Baroness Bloomfield in her *' Reminiscences." On one occasion the Queen desired to sing, and she "in fear and trembling sang one of Grisi's famous airs, but omitted a shake at the end. The Queen's quick ear immediately detected the omission, and smiling, her Majesty said 'Does not your sister shake, Lady Normanby?' To which Lady Normanby promptly replied, «Oh, yes, Ma'am, she is shaking all over 1 ' "