The Darkie Got Ahead.

Otago Witness, Issue 1935, 26 March 1891, Page 37

The Darkie Got Ahead.

" What are you doing there ? " exclaimed a grocer, angrily turning upon an old negro who had just slipped a dressed chicken under his coat.

■*' Jes 1 but'nin' up my coat, sah. Feels er slight change in da weder. Hnmp," he paid when he found that he oould not button his coat, " I'a gittin' so fat dat I's outgrowin' all my oloze. Wall, I mus' be goinV

" Say, before you go, take that chicken out from under your coat, and perhaps you can button it." "Whut chicken?"

" The one you've got under your coat."

" I declar', boss, yer's de mos' 'spicious pusson I eber seed in my life. Puts me in mind o'er gen'leman I knowed onct " <T Never mind about gentlemen you have known. Take that chicken from under your coat or I'll call a polioeman." " Whut, jes fnr er little bit uv er chicken like dis ? " he asked, removing the chicken and throwing it into a tub. " W'y, boss, I'd hate mighty ter be ez close ez yerse'f is. Dat chicken ain't much bigger'n er snowbird, nohow." " Now, get out of here."

"What fur?"

11 Because you ara a thief."

" Yer ought ter be 'shamed o' yerse'f ter talk dat way ter ez old pusson ez I is. I wuuldn' 'coze er pusson o' stealin' tell I had dun prubed it on 'im. Boss, ez yer am' willin'

ter trns' me, please, sab, step back dar by d stove an' git my hat fur me." When the grocer bad turned bis back, the old rascal took up a large chicken and hid it under his coat. "Thankee, sah," he said when the grocer had given him his bat. " Migtty sorry dat yer 'spicioned me. Say, boss, de truf is, I's one o' dese kliptermaniacs." "Yes, you are one o£ these klipter thieves." " Wall, I won't argy wid yer. Good night. I tell you whut it is," he said to himself when he had passed out, " er pusson got ter pay fur callin' me names, I puts 'er fine on 'em right dar. Huh, whut er monst'ous fine chicken dis is." — Arkansaw Traveller.

A. Tardy Vengeance.

That eminent political economist who defined murder as " a salutary check to overpopulation" was certainly an advanced theorist in his own way ; and so, too, was that famous surgeon who spoke of the Battle of Waterloo as " a colossal example of unscientific dissection." But both these admirable men have been completely thrown into the shade by a humbler professor of th 6 same school, who figured in an adventure that befell no less a person than Sir Walter Scott.

During one of the great novelist's journeys through the north of England he was attacked by a slight indisposition while halting at a small village near thef Scottish border, and sent out his servant in quest of a doctor. The man soon and ushered in a stout elderly person, in whom Sir Walter recognised, to his no small surprise, a former servant of his own.

"Why, John," cried he, "is this really you?"

"Ay, it's me, Sir Walter," answered the visitor, " and I'm verra glad to see ye again. I hae gotten some o' thae story -books o' yours yet, and they're jist grand 1 Whiles I canna sleep, and then I just tak' ane o' yon books o' yours, and read a wee bit, and, wow ! I'm fast asleep i' five minutes."

"Well," said Scott, laughing goodhumouredly, at this rather doleful compliment, " I'm very glad that any book of mine can do so much good. Bat tell me, John, how came my man to bring you here 1 I sent him out to fetch me a doctor."

" Weel," replied John, with quiet dignity X " I myself am jist the % doctor here."

Sir Walter was thnnderstruck, as well he might be, knowing as he did that John was as ignorant of medicine as of Chinese.

"I sh6uld hardly have thought of you turning doctor, John," said he at length. "Pray what drugs do you use 1 "

"I hae just twa o' them, Sir Walter — calomy'and lodomy " (calomel and laudanum). " Bu%, my good John," cried Scott, shuddering involuntarily at the idea of such a pharmacopoeia in such hands, " with drugs like those do you never happen to— ahem I— to kill any one ? "

"Kill?" echoed John, with a vindictive energy to which no words can do justice. "Kill the Englisbers? It will belangere I can mak' up for Flodden 1 " — Harper.