The Betrothed. A Vigorous Growth.

Otago Witness, Issue 1903, 24 July 1890, Page 42

The Betrothed.

A Vigorous Growth.

" You must choose between mo and your cigar." Open the old cigar-box, get me a Cuba Bfcout, For things are running oroasways, and Maggie and I are out. We quarrelled about Havanas-we fought o'er a good cheroot— And I know she is exacting, and the sayi I am a brute. Open the old cigar-box— let me consider a space, In the soft blue veil of tne vapour musing on Maggie's fao. Maggie Is pretty to look at -Maggie's a loving lass, But the prettiest cheeks must wrinkle, the truest of lovea must pass. There's peace in a Larannga, there's calm in a Henry . Clay, But the best cigar in an hour Is finished and thrown away - Thrown away for another as perfect and ripe and brownBut I nover could throw away Maggie for fear o' the talk o' the town. Maggie, my wife at fifty -grey and dour and old— With never another Maggie to purchase for love or gold. And the light of days that have been, the dark of the days *ha f are. And Love's torch stinking and stale, like the butt of a de^d cigar— The butt of a dead cigar you are bound to keep In your pocket— Wi' h never a new one to light tho' its charred and blaok to the socket. Open the old cigar-box— let me consider awhile ; Here is a mild Manilla— there is a wifely smile. Which is the better portion— bondage bought with a «ng. Or a harem of dusky beauties fifty tied in a string? Counsellors ounning and silent -comforters true and tried, And never a one of the fifty to sneer at a rival bride. Thought in the early morning, solace in time of woes, Peace in the hush of the twilight, balm ere my eyelids close. This will the fifty give me, asking nought In return, With only a Suttee's passion- to do their duty and burn. This will the fifty give me. When they are spent and dead. Five times other fifties shall be my servants instead. The furrows of far-off Java, the Isles of the Spanish Main, When they hear my harem is empty will Bend me my brideD again. I will take no heed to their raiment, nor food for their mou'hs withal, So long as the gul's are nesting, so long as the showers fall. I will scent 'em with best vanilla, with tea will I temppr their hides. And the Moor and the Mormon shall envy who read of the tale of my brides. For Maggie has written a letter to give my choice between The wee little whimpering Love and the great god Nick O'Teen. And I have been servant of Love for baroly a twelvemonth clear, But I have been Priest of Partagae a matter of seven year; And the gloom of my bachelor days is fleoked with the cheery light Of stumps that 1 burned to Friendship and Pleasure and Work and Fight. And I turn my eyes to the future that Maggie and I must prove, But the only light on the marshes is the Will-o'-the-Wisp of Love. Will it see me safe through my journey, or leave me bogged in the mire ? Since a puff of tobacco can cloud it, shall I follow the fitful fire ? Open the old cigar-box— let me consider anewOld friends, and who is Maggie, that I should abandon you ? A million surplus Maggies are willing to bear the yoke; And a woman is only a woman, but a good oigar is a smoke. Light me another Cuba— l hold to my first-sworn vows, If Maggie will have no rival, I'll have no Maggie for spouse 1 — Httdtabd Kipling.

Twin brothers, exactlj alike in appearance, determined to play a trick upon a fashionable hairdresser. Accordingly, twin No. 1 carelessly dropped into the shop, was " cut," shaved, and shampooed. "My hair grows pretty fast," he remarked, during the course of the operation. " I had better make a yearly contract with you. What are your terms for annual subscribers 1 " " One guinea, sir," was the reply. " You pay in advance, and come as often as you please." " That will suit me," said the customer ; " you will see me pretty often." He paid the guinea and left. In the course of the afternoon the other brother dropped in, his hair decidedly in want of trimming, and with a beard of three days' growth. He nodded familiarly to the barber, and took his seat in the operating chair. " I told you it wouldn't be long before you saw me again." The poor haircutter looked aghast, but began to do his office. The likeness of the two brothers was so perfect that he never suspected a trick. •• I never knew any gentleman's hair and beard grow so fast as yours," he remarked. "So fast as this ? Bless your heart, this is nothing. At this time of year I can rub along with three shaves a day, but in summer it runs to half a dozen. I shall look in again before I go to the theatre in the evening-" The unfortunate hairdresser took a desperate resolve. " Look here, sir, you wouldn't wish to rum a struggling man, I'm sure. Here's your guinea 1 I'll make you a present of the two crops you've had; butj for goo3ness sake, don't come back again."