PASSING NOTES.

Otago Witness, Issue 1901, 17 July 1890, Page 23

PASSING NOTES.

The Domestic Servants' Union movement has not taken the shape and proportions of an insurrection of women ; nevertheless ib is shaking rudely the pillars of our domestic peace. No bands of dishevelled Maenads as yet parade the streets shrieking for eight hours work, eight hours play, eight hours sleep, and eight bob a day, but I doubt whether anybody would feel greatly surprised were that phenomenon to present itself to-morrow. The Bevolt of Man accomplishes itself in a peaceful and orderly way, by a memorandummiad between Mr J. A. Millar and recalcitrant employers, in which the latter are chloroformed into non-resistance by threats of a " universal boycott." .The Revolt of Woman, if ever it seriously takes flame, will be a very different matter 1 The " white slavic " — as one of her advisers in a local print addresses her, commiseratingly — is capable of hysteric flights and fervours which would put Mr Millar's cool and cautious diplomacy to utter shame, and very much astonish that gentleman's nerves. I have a notion that the working man does not look with quite unqualified approval on this uprising of the working woman. It is tco nearly a parody or caricature of his own. "Limit the houra of a domestic servant's labour to 48 in the week," pays one Dunedin editor, " and give her pay and a-half for overtime." A most reasonable proposal, as we all must allow,— on all fours exactly with the Labour Union's demands for working men. But suppose it should happen, as in the course of natureit sometimes will, that the domestic servant becomes the working man's wife ? How about the 48-hours-a-week rule in that case 1 I can quite understand why the labour unions that are organised for men should look somewhat askance at similar movements for women. And yafc, reverting to first principles and the light of Nature — to which we are returning more and more, day by day — why should the wife's hours of labour be 12 or 14 out of the 24, whilst the husbands' are only eight ? What is sauce for the gander ought to be sauce for the goose.

" Discussion by Parliament upon the condition of the colony and its financial and industrial outlook." Humph 1 This I take to be a euphemism for the financial debate that has just expired. On consulting my familiar I find the method of debate to be somewhat as follows : — Forty hon. gentlemen, representing the full fighting strength of the Opposition, rise each in his turn and declare that they have read the Financial Statement with grievous pain and disappointment; the situation is alarming; revenue is going down, taxation is going up, and the surplus is a sham ; the energies of the public and the magnificent resources of the colony are paralysed and strangled by the gross maladministration of this corrupt and imbecile Government.— (Cheers.) They look to the intelligent electors to cure these evils, and restore prosperity by hurling the limpetlike occupants off those benches, Sir, into thq

mire ofjjfcheir native obscurity .^-(Cheers, and counter cheers.) Then rise 50 hon. gentlemen, constituting the full fighttog strength of the Government. Each affinos that he has read the Statement with the greatest satisfaction and delight. Looked a) from a proper point of view, revenue is goim; up, taxation is going down, and the surplis ig a peculiarly real and substantial 9ne, He denounces the obstructive tactbsof a factious Opposition— (cheers)— but ii assured that their selfish aims will be foiled and the permanent prosperity of thecountry secured by the continuance in office of the present eminently pure and powerful Administration. — (Cheers and counte? cheers.) To avoid monotony the speakers are sandwiched—one Opposition man being ineerted between two Ministerialists —and in this way the debate, can be pleasantly aad conveniently oontinued for two or threi weeks to v the satisfaction of all concerned^ except perhaps a few fractious merohants fa Dunedin, who seemingly don't know the meaning of the word Parliament, which is « a talking shop."

I have the greatest persinal respect for Mr Robert Wilson— our statistical Robert — and his friends " the nnderfigned citizens," &c, "who have each a .large stake," &c. ".being also extensive employers," &c. " who view with alarm," &c, " th| prolonged useless wrangling," &c, "and- who hope this expression," &c, "may puj a atop to idle words in t,he Assembly," &0,. Nothing could surpass the propriety °£ the protest. Nothing could surpass its dignity ; Indeed, if anything, ifr was almost too heavy— may I be forgiven if I say top heavj — with dignity. The Government can, scarcely stand the strain, of it._v , Why then shoald the reply o£ the city members provoke a chuckle ? Here it is :—

Thanks for telegram. The general hope expressed here ia that tho more intelligent body of the citizens of Dinedin do not; concor with you in pronouncing to be waste of time a discussion by Parliament; upon the Condition of the colony' and its financial and industrial outlook, I repeat, and, to my shame be it said, I caught myself distinctly chuckling as I read it, Was it inherent depravity— the rising of the old Adam, — or was it the evil influence of the age, which parsons tell us is an age given up to scoffing and irreverence ? I cannot tell I Why does the best of us laugh to see a respectable citizen in pursuit of his hat ? And, mark you, the glossier the hat and the more dignified' the citizen, the heartier you laugh. Suppose a bishop — but the imagination reels under the thought. Had I time I could trace ! the metaphysical connection between my unhappy chuckle and your hearty laugh, but, unluckily, it cannot be done within the compass of a Passing Note.

I hope there's no offence in the following scene, which I extract from, a new play, entitled " Neither Boots nor Brains ; or, the New Comedy of Errors." The author iB unknown to me, and with befitting modesty — or with design to mislead— he gives nothing but these unintelligible initials— "M. J. So— b-e M.":— (Scene: Wellington. Time: 815 p.m. Tuesday. Dram. Fers. : Sir H— r — y, in M — n — st— l t~s— d— oe; hot -flannels and cold perspiration. Mr-F— g— s, in O— b— nt r— no, with beard ia one hind, telephone in other, and wild glare in both eyes. F. rings frantically, Sir H. replies.) F. : That you, Sir H— r— y ? Sir H. (with deep groan and utter indifference to grammar) : Yes, it's me. What on earth's up now ? F. : B— l1 — cc is up ; been up for half an hour, Sir FT. : And it seams to me I'm likely to be up all uight. What's he doing P F. : Making mincemeat of the F— no— l St— t — m — nt, • Sir H. : Make mincemeat of him. You're all there, ain't you? F. : Yes, we're all hare ; and in a regular hole, too. M— tch — I— n says I must reply. I tell him he's boss, and ought to do it himself ; but he says he'll be blowed first. Sir H. : Let him put up R— ss— rL F. : No go ; he's disposed to agree with B— l1 — cc ; says it would never do for Fr — t — d— rs to admit prosperity possible under pp r — t— ofc— «n— st fc~r— S. Country must go to the devil in order to justify their position. Sir H. : Perdition! There's no political honesty extant ! vVhat; the deuce did we take him in for, but to muzzle the Fr — fc — d — re?

F. : But you know ho always says the Fr— t — d — rs sent him in to muzzle us. SirH.: Wn.<re'n H-sl— p? F.: We've all pressed Tommy hard, but he flatly refuses. Says if ho gets up they'll nay him alive about Ed— w — 6a. Sir H. : Confound him, he needn't be so precious thin-skinned at this time of day. What about R — ch— ds— n ? F. : Declares he has no hoad for figures. Hasn't read the SSt—t — t— m — nt, and couldn't understand it if he did. Fact, dontcherknow. Sir H. : Its simply awful. You must speak yourself, that's Ml about it. F. : But tea ly, Sit H— r — y, I'm not ready-— haven't the ghost of an idea, dontcherknow. Sir H. : Never mind that, old. fellow. Its not the first time. Work the bellows, put in plenty of wind, and you'll carry us through till I can get a report of B— ll— ce'e speech. ' F. : That's all very w«-H, bat isn't it coming ib a little too strong, dontcherknow? Couldn't you- . Sir H. : All right. Quick now. Toll me what he says. F.: Thanks, Sir H. He saya— : oh yes—he says thes-r— pi— 8 is hogus. Sir H. ; He'a a d— (sentence drowned by violent telephonic bur— r— r ; tben, pause, during which F. writes nervously and completes sentence by conjecture). F. (feebly): All righf, sir; I've gob that; go on. Sir H. : What else does he say, man? F. : He says— let me see— oh, yes ; he says it's a deficiency. Sir H. (in a tone that makes tb.9 wire tingle) : A what ? F. (meekly) : A deficiency, Sir H— r-y. Sir H. : Tell him he's a— (bur— r— r neain). F. : I've got th.it down already, Sir H— r— y. Sir H. : You don't say how he makes it out a deficiency. F. : Well, really, Sir H— r— y, I don'fc exactly remember; bnfc wait a minute and Pli a3K M'Gr- g— r. We've put him in your i:M seat, to fill "up like. H—llH — 11 sayß he makes a capital dummy : and he's a good judge, dontcherkuow— ha, ba ! Wire breaks down under pressure of Sir H— r— y'a reply, and scene abruptly closes with a doctor in attendance on Sir HH — r— y and a waiter from B— ll— my'u in attendance on Mr F— g— a. The pjay goes on to tell how, after all, My

R_ oa ~ds_n was foroed to reply, and how he heldthe H-se spell-bound by " the magnificent oauses that formed the greater part of his dscourse-pauses that unluckily cannot appear in H-ns-d." If, as is just possible the comedy has a political reference, its morel would appear to be that the new doctrineof the Dual Premiership is not an unqualified success, even when tempered by the teleptone.

" ADOimiflat venerable and unctuous book fiend whopersecuted you to subscribe for an expensive and worthless book on the strength »f your obtaining a place in a projected • Lwes of Eminent Men,' " writes a correspondent, "could you not refuse payment unti the latter work is published ? If it is nevff published (and I doubt whether so large s work could be brought out here, since it is to contain as many biographies as there are oninent fools in Australasia) will not old greybeard have been obtaining money under false pretences ? If you care to contest the case I will myself, as another of the fools, disburse my share of the costs. Thus far riy correspondent. His suggestion is doubtless well meant, but I don't feel in the humour to throw good money after bad. If there \*re any possibility of getting back the manuscript of that accursed autobiography, when the book fiend— abusing my innocence and playing upon my vanitycontrived t? extract from me, I would gladly fork out anther pound or two for that, but as for goinj to law, entering the witness box, and Bubmiiting myself for examination— an examination conducted, possibly, by Sir Eobert Stout, — thanks, nol There are reasons wfcich incline me rather to bear the ills I have than fly to others, that I know not of 1 I suggest to my correspondent that he should contest the case. As to my bearing a share of the costs, well, we could discuss that later, but I have no hesitation in proposing him at once my warmest sympathy and my fervent prayers for his success.

I have two other letters on this same painful subject, a subject which, strange to say, in each case the writer seems to find highly amusing. I can't say that I have myself been particularly struck by the humorous aspect of my calamity. But in a case like this everything depends on one's poiDt of view. As Rochefoucauld remarks, " There is eometbinp: not altogether displeasing to us in the misfortunes of even our dearest friends." Without further comment, I append these mock-sympathetic epistles : — Revbeed Cms,— That man who did you (I name not myself) in connection with the 80-called •• Australasian Men of the Time" deaerves all the cash he can get for his cleverneBB _of which observe the various points r— (1) He has no settled place of abode. Please address General Post Office. You can inquire about him only through the police, and by exposing your own gullibility, (2) He has a secretary. Who, except an eminently respectable and honest man, ever had a secretary? Besides, the young man had something subduing about him. You could not be flippant or mean in his presence. (3) The young man's chief (and, I believe, father) plays on your worst foible— vanity. That he ehoqld direct the shaft to Jthis point shows consummate cunning. (4) If you should chance to be modest, he pricks the sides of your Belf-love, by showing Hve& of other " eminent men." If A. B. and 0. are in, are you to be left out ? # _ (5) Knowing how much delight there is in maundering about self— he encourages you to be diffuse. Brevity is no object— " Give all the information you can." (6) When he calls with his ultimatum he knows you will be so prostrate with shame and wounded vanity that you will offer no resistance. Not only will you nubsoribe to his infernal art publication, but you will do bo quietly. Every great general miscalculates somewhere. This one did so in forgetting that Oivia might shriek in print.—- Yours, Diddled. My Dkae Cms,-- Till lately my sense of your perfection had been a little painful. Now that I find yon can occasionally be an idiot like other folks, I.havo a muoh higher opinion of you. I, too, have been the victim of that Devil-on-two-sticks, the venerable gentleman who wanted biographies of eminent men. I was to write my biography— as fully as possible, stating any facts I might consider of interest in the lives of my father and two grandfathers. I cannot claim a European reputation; but it seemed to me eminently reasonable that Australasia should require to know all that concerned the life of so eminent a man as myself. All the same I was coy. There were no facts worth mentioning in my life. It was humdrum and uneventful. Let him go to Mr Fish, Mr Joubert; they could give him something worth read ing. Ob, dear, no! The Diabla Boiteux would take no denial. I must unroof myself for the edification of Australasia; and to direct and stimulate me he placed in my hand a sheaf of autobiographies he had already in hand— from learned professors, heads of schools, secretaries of education boards, lawyers, M.H.R.'s, D.D.'s, LL.D. ( b, &c, &c, all personal friends of my own, about whom I thought I know everything. I assure you those autobiographies entertained, instructed and astonished me. They were, us Le Diable had requested, fullabout the length of a signed article in the Encyc. Brit., — say, of that on Sir Isaac Newton. They recorded the parentage, education, virtues, . honours, honorary degrees aud why conferred, &c, &0., of their eminent writers. Stimulated by such examples, is it necessary to say that I was tempted— fell— l wrote my biography ; born when and where, educated in what public school, came to New Zealand when, profession what— these bare facts (upon my honour J) no more— in all about the very smallest unsigned article in the " Britannica." I have the satisfaction of knowing that he would not advance mine as a sample biography. By and bye camo the devil with his art treasures. I conversed with him for a quarter of an hour, looked through the valuable engravings, then courteously showed h\m the door, but did not subscribe. ' I now await the publication of " Eminent Men of the Times," which, having snved £9 on the art treasures, I intend to buy. What a book of fools for the drawing room tablo !" Have you, " Civis," my boy, calculated how much really goo J art literature you might have bought for that £9— a handsome tet, for instance, of Ruskin's Modern Painters, or Stones of Venice ? Why did you not call the Missus to negotiate with old Boiteux? She would have routed him. — Youts, A Fellow-feeler. Two brand-new £3000 dredges, designed by their owners and makers to scoop up the Pactolian sands of the swift Kawarau, lie derelict at their mooring?, nobody being able to extract an ounce of useful work out of either of them. This fact speaks well for

Otago engineering, doesn't it? In each case, apparently, the steam power was calculated for a dredge working in still water, whereas the Kawarau runs like a mill race and puts a strain on the buckets similar to that which an undershot wheel would encounter if caused to rotate against the stream. The sapient directors are now putting in new and bigger boilers, but meanwhile the shareholders are having a bad time. Shares on which 5s had been paid up were sold in a Dunedin auction room the other day at Is. I have received from the Wakatipu region a lamentable ditty by the " local poet " bewailing these facts, and setting forth in limping metre the mechanical defects of the dredges. This is how it begins : Oh I there is Mr Sparrow, a man of high

renown, To supply them all with dredges he came up from the town. A dredge he soon got launohed, and all by

human power, • And down the river he did go at full twenty

yards an hour. By way of apology, the author remarks : " These lines may not bear comparison with the immortal works of the poet Stenhouse, but an iron bucket dredge creaking and groaning and labouring under its load of slime and dirt from the river's bed can hardly be regarded as a source of poetic inspiration or a thing calculated to evoke ' the spirit's clarion call.' " Very true ; — we won't look for poetio inspiration, but do we even get scientific accuracy ? Bead this : The washdirt is lifted by locomotive power, And to do a minute's work it just takes them

near an hour. The engine is not strong enough, the boxes are too small ; The buokets are by half too big, and the pump won't work at all ; The fine gold all gets washed away, the Btones are caved instead. 'Twould break the human heart of man

though it were made of lead ! Oh, now just drop your anchor, the company don't annoy, And quietly take a lesson from our bold Sew Hoy. Just draw your brains together and at once re-

vise your plan ; Don't let yourselves bs beaten by a common

Ohinaman. Something of exaggeration here, I fancy, coupled with a desire to promote the interests of the Sew Hoy Big Beach Company. T hings can't be quite so bad as the Wakatipu poet makes out, nor can it be necessary that the engineer, whom he irreverently oalls " old Sparrow "—" — Should start from soratoh and build the dredge

anew. Let him "bust " the new boiler first, at any rate. I see no reason why Kawarau dredging should not yet turn out a success, — no reason except human stupidity, against which even the gods fight in vain. The Pactolian sands are there all right, and some way ought to be found of scooping them up. Oivis.

In the Legislative Council on Wednesday the Children's Protection Bill was passed, and the second reading of Sir George S. Whitmore's bill to amend the constitution of the Council was carried after a division, . A question of some importance came before the meeting of the Benevolent Institution Trustees on Wednesday, in the sbape of an application for admission to the institution of four discharged patients from Seacliff Asylum. After a good deal of discussion, it was resolved to let the matter stand over till it be submitted to 'the committee of the Charitable Aid Board to-day, after which a special meeting of the trustees will be held to consider the matter.

We understand that the recent show of the Dunedin Dog and Poultry Society has for the first time for some years past returned a haudsome surplus over expenses. This gratifying result is mainly due to the energy thrown into the preparations for the show by Messrs Carlton and Loasby, and the secretary, Mr Dodo's, who gave a great deal of time and hard work to securing exhibits and prizes, and making all the necessary arrangements. A private subscription is being organised to retain some of the wire coops hired from the Wellington society which were so generally admired.

" Anglo-Australian," in the European Mail, writes :— " Sir Julius Vogel, I am sorry to say, still suffers somewhat from the effect of his recent cab accident, and is confined at present to his residence at St. Margaret's Mansions, Westminster. In a general way, however, lam glad to say that Sir Julius continues in good health, and I expect he will soon be out again as usual."

Mr E. W. Cole, of the Book Aroade, Melbourne, recently invited essays on the federation of the whole world, and within a space of a few weeks no lass than 500 essaye were received. With a view to receiving further essay? Mr dole has extended the time to the Slst inst. The essays may be on either side of the question, and must be confined to from one to four sides of foolscap. Mr. Oole is an enthusiast on the eubjoot, on which some five years ago he issued a little brochure which he claims to have had a circulation of 80,000 in the colonies and 20,000 at Home. In this little work it was predioted that the world would be federated before the year 2000, but the author is now of opinion that " the great event will happen long before that date,"

The mine manager of the Dunedin Gold Dredging Company reports that the dredge is on good ground and that there are aplendid prospects ahead. The return for last week was 3i»oz 18dwt 15gr of retorted gold.