A REAL LADY; OR,"MY ANE HOOSE AT HAME."

Otago Witness, Issue 1899, 26 June 1890, Page 39

A REAL LADY; OR, " MY ANE HOOSE AT HAME."

I shall not say anything about old identities this week for particular reasons, but I will, instead, tell a story about a real lady up somewhere in the North Island, which occurred not so long ago that it need be forgotten.

There had been a somewhat unedifying dispute going on in a certain journal as to " Who is a lady T " which degenerated into who is twt a lady 1 " and which had begun to get rather nasty when the incident occurring put a stop to the controversy. A lady who, if iine clothes, fine feathers, jewellery, a loud voice, and a large, handsome person, besides the constant habit of announcing herself to be a lady, could make her one, was certainly a real lady and more than a lady, was there. She sported a very smart buggy and a husband much smaller than herself, who in fact was a very timid, retiring little man, and indeed it was rumoured that her ladyship wore a nameless portion of his clothing under her ample skirts.

One day when oat in her buggy she mefc a costermonger and his donkey cart at a part of the road where the two vehicles could not pass. The lady instantly demanded how the " fellow " dared to come there when he saw a lady and her carriage coming, and why he had not waited till she passed, and ordered him to go back. To this the man only replied with a grin and a puff of his pipe. Enraged at such cool treatment, the real lady launched out with a torrent of invective, and seeing it only amused the Raderer, she ordered her husband to get down and horsewhip the " insolent brute." But the Radger, although his dirty face looked good tempered enough, was a burly knave, and besides, he had sitting beside him a big bulldog, whose face wore anything but a pleasant expression ; and the poor husband, between two fires, hesitated. This turned fche artillery of his better three-quarters against his unlucky head, at which was launched all kinds of compliments, and he was reviled with his cowardice and an expression of the real lady's regret that she had united herself to an insignificant vulgar person unworthy to be the husband of any lady.

No doubt the man agreed with her as to the regret that she had been so placed, and the Radger seemed to agree with him, for he said (not unkindly), " Never you mind, sir, don't get down— the dog might bite your leg. I'll just back the kuddy ap. I ken weel how things is wi' ye, for I have just sich an ither as that yun " (pointing to the lady with his whip) "at my ane hoose at hame." Old Otago.

— Baggs: " I have just ordered three new suits." Waggs : " You don't say so ! Are you in suoh a flourishing condition financially that you can afford it ?"—-"? "— -" Of course I can't afford it ; but my tailor can."

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