MRS BROWN ON THE EXHIBITION Chapter IV. MARTHA VISITS THE KIOSK AND THE GALLERIES.

Otago Witness, Issue 1990, 17 April 1890, Page 35

MRS BROWN ON THE EXHIBITION Chapter IV. MARTHA VISITS THE KIOSK AND THE GALLERIES.

Well, off we goes, Mima an' me, to the kiosk, witch I 'ad no idea were it was ; but Mima she 'ad been there on a previous occagiou, and consekeutly knew all about it. Wen we gets there it were that full of parties a-drinkiu' tea, Witch the atmosphere were that stuffy as couldn't bo worse at a church tea meetiu' as is a compound of 'ot penny roll au' butter flavoured with dish water an' orange peel ; but wouldn't turn back, through not wishin' to offend Jemima, as was goia' to shout. So down we sets at a table as 'appened to bo vacant just then, an' two parties at the next table as I 'ad my back to, both remials— oue a 'old party that got up as never was, in a dress of blue silk with satin trimmins', as the countess might 'a wore at a Government 'Oase "At 'Ome"r-and looked at Mima an' me that scornful as if we was common dirt she was afraid of touchiu'; au' no lady, I could see first glance. Well, I 'adnt been a settin there not arf a minute wen a curting opens just beside me, an* a wision appears dressed in a white petticoat an' wrapper, an' no shoos or stockins' to 'is feet, and 'is 'air twisted up an' fastened with a tortis-sbell comb, an' 'is face that dark an' 'is teeth that white as I was frightened out of ' my wits an' starts back in my chair, an' throws over a teapot of tea into the lap of the party in the blue drees as was a settin' behind me, witch soon brought me to my senses, for of coarse tho dress was ruined. Up I gets at once and out with my andkeroher, an' goes for to 6lap up the tea on tho dress, bat the 'aughty patty starts back an' shreeks at me. " Stand orf, woman," sez she, "an' don't come near me, witch yer ain't fit to sit in the same apartment with ladies, a-slobberin' tea, as Old Tom 'ud be a more congenial lickor." And with that she rubs 'er drees with 'er own andkercher an' sails out of the kiosk with 'er darter, that 'igh an' mighty as she couldn't be more so if she was Pharos darter." " Well, if ever ! " sez I to Mima, M was there ever sech a insultin' party as that ere fetnial as is just gone, for call 'er a lady I wont, as 'ud dare to make sech insinations witch 'ow could I 'elp upsettin' of the table wen that furriu wision an' 'is white teeth starts up that suddin'tjat my side ; an' wotever is he, Mima— is he real or only done up ? " "Oh, real enough, them's Singaleese," sez she, "as comes from Jamaiker, where they grows Coylon tea, an' rum, an' molasses, an' sech things, an' that's their native dress ; an' wery nice lookin' an pleasant they are, wen you comes to know them." 11 They does look wery civil," sez I, " an that "tortis-shell comb is just the pair to them as my dear mother used to wear, one on each side of 'er front to fasten 'er screw curls, and do bring the tears into my eyes to look at that furriner, as ' I can see my mother as if she were astandin' there before me, an* all along of that comb; an' look, Mima, tho' he ain't go no uppers to 'is shoes he 'as soles, as I suppose is of cork, an' fastened on with strings." VOh, them's sandles," sez she. "FolKs in Jeruslem an' seoh places always wears sandles, as is a savin' of leather." 11 Well," sez I, " my 'art do bleed to think 'ow starvin' cold he mast be with them thin garments in this changeable climate, an* glad he will be to get back again to Indy's coral strands. But they does give good tea an' that I will say, though the fiaviour ain't wot I'm accustomed to nor yet so black, as do like to let the teapot stand an' get all the good of the leaves, an' if you've finished, Mima Pilcock, I move that we takes a turn in the picture gallery, as is both edificatin' and amoosin', witch I dote on pictures, an' Brown, he do go in for beautiful' oleographs, till I 'as to say "Old, enough, Brown,' for our walls won't 'old no more." So round we goes to tha gallery, an' 'as to to deliver up our umberellers, for the man ac the door he says as we'd be pintin' at the pictures an' a skewerin' them through with the pints of our, umberellers, an' 'as to pay a penny for the priyiledge^ an' the man grumblin' cos ray umbereller was that bunchy as it wouldn't go inter the stand. Jemima she outs with 'er catacomb an' we begins a reglar study of the best pictures, witch Mima she pretends as she's a reglar dab at, always a talkin* about ''er cultivated taste an' the deep meau.iu's as she sees a underlyin' the w.ojk.B of artfeses as I don't believe as the artisses ever thort on before Bhe finds it out, as ,do rile me to that extent as I loses all patience." "Now, Mrs Brown," sez Mima to me, "I've been often through the galleries, an' I knows all the pioturs, an' I'll pint out the werry best to you. To begin with, this is Mrs Watts' beautiful big picture. Ain't it exquisite !' Look at the noble expresshun an' the sweet malignity of I the bootiful countenance, witch do teach us 'ow ' we oughter all to be Christians in sperrit an' to love little naked children ; poor dears, 'ow I dotes on 'em !" "Well," sez I, "Jemima Pilcook, you may dote on them childer foe want of better, as 'aye'nt neither qhick nor child, nor likely to 'aye, 'as far as I can see ; but I've 'ad many cbilder myself, though only Alf remaining an' none of mine wer born in silk tights, an' them not a particler close fit neither; an' when I nusses children I don't go for to sit over 'em a hatchin* 'em like that, an' a hangin'' of my 'ands as if my fingers was bunches of carrots, an* looking that seedy in the face<as if he'd a cold in the ''cad an' a fit of the gripes ; an' if I'd any think to do with ill-natured brats like them, its well I'd spank 'em, that I would. Let Mr Watts stick to 'is 'yms about the busy bee as gathers 'oney all the day, and Satan finds— he can .write 'ym?, but he cant paint." M Oh, Mrs Brown," says Mima, a little huffy, "you're sech a Filistin ; bat, come, I'll take you to Faro's darter—that I'm sure you'll like," and she makes me set down before a pictur as certingly were better worth looking at than the other. " Isn't that bootiful, Mrs Brown ? " says Mima. " Lok 'ow natural the attitudes is 5 aiut it life* like ? I think it just loyoly j wot water and wot marble !" " Well,'' sez I, " Mima, if the marble's the ohief thing I've nothink to say agin the piotur, nor the water neither ; but if that woman as is standin' there a-lookio' at Moses ever did 'andle

a baby I'm a 'Ebrew Jew. Sure am las Faro's darter didn't be'ave that way to a infant as she took a fancy to. Why, of course, she'd take 'im out of 'is bassinette and cuddle 'ira, and kiss 'is dear little toeses, an' sit down on them steps an cry. An' if yer going for to tell me as that puny doll of a infant's 'im as brought all them plagues on Egypt, all I sez is, do you gee anythink green in my eye ? " "Reely, Mrs Brown," sez she, "there's no pleasin' you, yer sech a critique ; but come, I'll show you a landskip this time ; just look at this pictur of Coling 'Unter's— ain't that water delicious ? Look at the shudders, 'ow cool and true they are ; wot motion, wot exquisite tone ! " "Ain't the colour rayther 'igh?" sez I. "Don't it mind you, Mima, of washiu' day. Looks as if Mr 'Unter 'ad stole 'is iniasua'ea indigo bag 'an used too much. Now, look 'ere, Mima, 'ere's a pictur as I do like— 'ere's Queen Wictorier as large as life, an' ain't it like as is the very image of the 'cad on the 'arf-crowns tho year as I was married',? Poor dear ! Well, if that ain't good ! an' 'ero she is again bein' crowned, an' all 'er dooks an' dutchesseß, an' 'er bles.se 1 mother as looks so proud of 'er. Oh, my! it do make me cry to see that lovely pictur ! as was the very way as my Aunt Liza wore 'er 'air on 'er marriage day — a long plate, an 'er ear a-stickin out iv the middle. Dear, dear ! Well, that is a picture ; au' there's dear Prince Albert, as I do remember a-ridin' with 'er Majesty in 'Yde Park ; an' that's the darlin' princess. Well, it do do my 'art good to see their dear royal faces ! " "Oh bother, Mrs Brown," sez Mima, " its snobbish and wulgarto admire them royalties as is no better nor you an' me." " Jemima Pilcock," sez I, " you may say wot you like about me, but not a word will I listen to agin 'er Grashious Majesty witch your words 'aye that put me out as I don't want to see no more picturs." "Oh, but Mrs Brown," sez she, " you really must come an' see ( Phryne,' as is the most bootif ul picture in tho exhibition," and with that she drags me orf to another room. " Look at that, Mrs Brown," sez she, " ain't she a beauty? Look at 'er lovely eyes, an' mouth as I should like to kiss this minute 'Ow bootifully 'er limbs is rounded, 'an the 'ole tone of the picture — so 'armonious, so chaste, so full of feelink." 11 Well, Mima," sez I, a-puttin' my andkercher up before my face, " she may be all as you sez she is, but I do think as she might 'a put on a little more clothes, an' too red in the skin to my taste ; and now I think we'll go aud see the side shows."